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does anyone else get like this?

User Thread
 27yrs • F •
duchovney is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
does anyone else get like this?
I’ve never posted anything like this online, I’ve never had councelling or been to the doctors or received therapy. I don’t talk about things like this but I just wanted to see if anyone else seems to have the same situation as myself. I find that I go through brief moments of emotional voidance and up until recently it has been something I have ignored but have come to realise it may be less common than I thought. They can last 48 hours, 4 days, 15 minutes, 6 hours, 4 minutes, any amount of time. It’s hard to describe what I feel in these moments because it is that I essentially feel very little. It’s not that I feel low or depressed or anything negative which is why it seems weird. I suffer from no mental problems, no sort of social anxiety and am a confident person but I really don’t understand what’s actually going on when this happens.

It usually starts by me thinking about something I don’t like about a person who is close to me in my life. And it’s not that I try and think about the things that annoy me about my family and friends but they all become very apparent. Almost as if a sheet has been pulled back and I can see everything clearly. I start to lose all feelings of love or affection and would even say I start to have feelings of hate towards them. I also get feelings of superiority towards them thinking they are somehow stupid (I don’t want people to judge me and say I think I’m better than anyone because I don’t this is just what goes on in my head which I can’t help). I then become extremely detached from the people, they lose all meaning to me and I hope that if something awful happened to them I would care but at the time it is physically impossible for me to do so, people will think I’m being dramatic but I really can’t actually like or care for these people in these moments. It’s really hard to describe, it’s like the happy memories and feelings I have experienced with them in the past erase themselves from my memory, I can’t remember the feelings but I know at some point I did feel like that and I think “you were stupid for thinking that because they’re nothing”. When I begin to feel normal again I’m not affected by these phases at all but when they occur I just sort of wonder what the fuck is actually going on here? I understand everyone goes in moods and needs time alone but I don’t get why it seems to be so extreme. I sometimes vision them being emotionally hurt by their families breaking up and being cheated on. I imagine them dying in horrid ways and me standing there not caring. I’m not a horrible person this is what happens in my mind involuntarily. People often make comments on my high confidence and honesty, if that’s any help? I’m not looking for some fashionable psychological diagnosis; I just wanted to know if anyone else is the same as me.

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does anyone else get like this?
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