What if there's someone in my life that is utterly convinced that he's good for me and won't stop anything short of attempting to show it to me? I don't want it. In fact, after our discussion last night, I feel terribly frustrated and physically ill over it because this is seeming like somewhat of an obsession to me.
If I say, no one in this entire world is going to stay around for your life and they'll be gone someday, there's some truth to that - for me, especially. And I said, this isn't a challenge and I don't want anyone to try and prove me wrong. So be self-sufficient, and it'll be fine. And he keeps going at it. And I'm starting to hate it, loathe it, and how the bloody fuck do you tell someone off when you already tried straight-forwardly?
That and I hate how he doesn't respect the fact that my heart is truly involved with someone else entirely, and it has no interest whatsoever to compromise that. He says, what's wrong with free love? And I say, it's a betrayal! And I won't have it, I don't need it and I have no feeling to act upon something like that!
No one can tell me who is deserving of my love and who is not - if I feel a great affection and attraction for a soul, then let it be, don't challenge it or attempt to sit there for hours trying to put words in my mouth that I have no idea what I want and the people I care for are assholes. If I didn't SAY it, express it or act on it, that means I know what the hell I'm doing. Don't tell me that I don't know what I want and attempt to make me think I want something when I don't - I'll bloody kill you. Which is what I did, killed the conversation and situation entirely.
And he says after, "Funny how one moment someone can turn you on and then the next completely turn you off." And I looked him dead straight in the eyes and said "That means you just don't know who I am, do you? You've got pieces and you've fallen for those, thinking I'm something that I'm not, and you don't realize that if my heart wants something, I'll defend it as its Guardian to the very end!"
Convictions and such.
Drives me nuts,
and it drives me more nuts that they attempt to convince me it's okay to do things that are against my heart's wishes. Hence, the reason why I'm a bloody wreck with the flu and a terrible stomach ache! To think that someone would even dare, it makes me angry and ill.