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futility of romantic 'love'

User Thread
 54yrs • F •
A CTL of 1 means that spicesoup is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
futility of romantic 'love'
why is it that men, no matter how deeply they love their woman, can never stop lusting after a playboy bunny ?

why is it explained away as a genetic hardwiring - that is condoned and well accpeted. that men should love this idea is understandable, but dont their women mind this ?

that in a relationship of commitment and exclusivity arising out of love and a desire to be together forevr, there still exists this major crack that allows men's minds to wander off with every other bombshell ? and it isn't as any one singular woman would anchor any man. they'd just continue to need to look and lust at every other.

where is the justice of nature ?

with the progress of the relationship, the woman's body gets sacrificed to pregnancy and mothering. while the man's remains undamaged by this process. and they have all the more reason to continue to look and lust.

no doubt the rewards for mothering are very huge. but what about romantic love - how can that withstand the pressure of having the male genes at work ?

no matter how loving and how caring your man is, doesn't it still kill a woman to know that there may be that brief moment when its not you he is lusting after ??

why would nature build in such injustice ?






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"live this day as if it were your last"
 54yrs • F •
A CTL of 1 means that spicesoup is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
wow ! quite a thesis on the topic ! and it also goes to prove the futility - since u mention that the starting point determines the path - and the starting point is a direct result of upbringing. hence the futility !

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"live this day as if it were your last"
 54yrs • F •
A CTL of 1 means that spicesoup is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
further to your article and my unsolved problem
1. why would the hunter return to the same mother for the healing ? because while he is out hunting he may find an additional mother.
2. why does this have to be a one-to-one relationship ? why not one-to-many - which i suspect is what a human male would prefer. and were it rattified by society we'd have a society like canines or elephants or some other model.

in the current model the one-to-one relationship exists for the purpose of conductign day to day lives. but if the mind of the male has not ceased to get attracted by other females, then this one-to-one association is artificial, fragile and meaningless.

i want to be born a queen bee in my next life !


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"live this day as if it were your last"
 32yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Zach is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
The thought of Porn makes me sick to my stomach. IMO it is an abomination. I hope to one day find a woman I can love completely and forever. Only her in my arms forever. Call me young and an idealist but that is who I am.

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 32yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Zach is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
quote:
As explained in the article, the hunter, by definition, seeks to provide for only one mother. The mother plays a unique part in the hunter's life... men have a unique place for their mothers, and similarly in the concepts used in the article, the hunter can only have one mother.

By further definition, the mother is a mother to the hunter only when she fully supports his needs to be the hunter and vice versa. Therefore, unless it is in the mother's best interests for the hunter to go out and find another woman, the hunter for that woman will not do this. If he does, he is not her hunter... he is a beast and he is attempting to convert her into the widow.

The core definition of the hunter versus the beast clearly indicates that the hunter actually only seeks one woman and that the beast seeks to conquer as many as possible. This is surely present in every male... they feel a burning need to fuck as many women as possible yet they themselves feel and somewhere know that they would actually prefer to find one woman. It is this duality that is actually the impurity of the modern male.



And I'm glad to now embrace my devotion to that one woman. Whoever she may be. Its comforting to know exactly what I want, although at my age I feel very alone in this "decision".
And at the same time very disturbing to realize that there is something very wrong with our society.


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 54yrs • F •
A CTL of 1 means that spicesoup is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
so then, as per your model what happens when the hunter meets the mother and vice versa. do all the allurements of society become invisible ? does the beast die altogether ? are these mutually exclusive states in a male ? is it not possible for dual states to exist simulataneously in different proporations - one in the waxing state while the other wanes? sine and cosine curves representing the strength of life of the beast versus the hunter at the same point in time ?
he cud play hunter with the mother - while the beast is out with others...
or maybe i read to reread your article !
i believe that i have my hunter and am the mother this hunter is looking for. yet i feel threatened by the world around us, with woman half naked , not just in media but also in real life.
and infidelity is not just a matter of physical fucks, even a thought in that direction is enough to make me feel the meaningless of the female half of the species.
while both the males and females r programemd to procreate, the key difference that males would seek to disperse sperm with as much range as possible while females wud seek to be devoted to one, for reasons of long term survival to nurture the young, seems unfair on the female in the matign game.
it seems like the mating game is preprogrammed to be a win-lose transaction, in favor of the male.
(of course the female wins in several other aspects of life such as maternal bonding and so on - but in the mating game she is a loser ALWAYS)

true ?

and i am wondering if zach is living in an era of purity that no longer seems to exist around us. most are happy to consume the free services of titillation and stimulation provided so freely by media and real life women.

its been okay for 40 years to have not known how the minds of men work. but once that is known, it is incredibly hard to deal with the senselessness of life as a female form !










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"live this day as if it were your last"
 54yrs • F •
A CTL of 1 means that spicesoup is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
quote:
So it is most certainly possible for a man to contain within him both the hunter and the beast, and to partake in both of these mindsets at different points in time, but both cannot exist at the same time. This tells us a very important thing: That your man, when the hunter, is in essence not the same man that plays the part of the beast.



in a long term alliance with the mother, there may be many such temporary gaps of time, even just a few seconds, in which the hunter may turn into a beast.

when this is viewed by the mother, the impact is destructive. no matter what the cause is, whether the hunter is a victim of the beast or of society.

the fact remains that the mother is left in a very bad place as a result of this transformation.

and since the mother is in it for the long term. whereas, even the hunter having found his haven, may return to being a beast in flashes of time - for short term indulgences. which need not even be physical infidelity as i said - but just the fantasy of another.

how then can the mother continue in her role with full love and self confidence once she witnesses unfaithfulness?












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"live this day as if it were your last"
 32yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Zach is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
quote:
how then can the mother continue in her role with full love and self confidence once she witnesses unfaithfulness?


This is one of lifes cruel realities. But it is not always like this. Faithfulness is not always broken. I think most males in our society today are simply not mentally prepared to handle a fully devoted relationship that a "mother" expects. Although I know I have indeed played the role of the beast in my life already a few times, and I have fought intensely with its mere existence inside me, I have won. I am now, after heartbreak and a few temptations/trials able to see myself for who I am and who I want to be. I am able to have complete control over myself. While I was with my last girlfriend the beast was so powerful it made me screw up quite a few times(involving pornography). It even got so bad sometimes that I had to keep my internet 100% turned off 24/7 because I was unable to resist the urge to indulge in my "fantasies". Now I am much stronger, I am almost a complete new person. I have my interent up 24/7 and I am also single now. I no longer even desire these defiled creations. I am me. I am awake, and I know what I wait for. I wait for love. I wait for "My Mother" to find me or for me to find her. Every moment I am witohut her I am hurt, I am alone. But I am strong, and I will wait. Simply Wait.

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 54yrs • F •
A CTL of 1 means that spicesoup is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
i guess when there is a loss of control, the male benefits in any case - even in his avatar of the beast - even though the benefit may be short term and very very superficial.
whereas the 'mother' necessarily suffers.
unfortunately zach, and my hunter, cannot undo the damage they do to their 'mother'. and must begin the search all over again. in zach's case he is well off, because he is now empowered by his wisdom. but my hunter is lost to me, and who knows if this wisdom will prevail even in his next lifetime. but what does it matter?
the futility of the mothers devotion has been experienced. and loss of faith in life and nature has been experienced. irreversible. no cure.

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"live this day as if it were your last"
 32yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Zach is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Don't give up! There is a cure. Although it IS rare.

1. He must realize all this. (hardest part)
2. Forgiveness.
3. Smile.

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 54yrs • F •
A CTL of 1 means that spicesoup is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
quote:
pursue the purification of the hunter


tried this for a reasonable time. explaining, expressing, understanding, trying to show the impact of his impure desires. and i think i failed. not that he hasn't tried to make it work for us. but his motivation is to make it better for us. his reason for change is not that his intrinsic need has evaporated by my presence. if there still exists the impure desire and he is only compelling himself to curb that desire for us, then this is also a falsehood. i am not here to make him change for my needs.

hence the realisation that 'i am not the mother he seeks' contrary to the conclusion decius has drawn that

quote:
this man is not your hunter



further - i am not sure if i have painted the picture correctly - this man is not really into messign around with others. but he leaves doors open for others to flirt with him, even if it is only because he does nto know how to shut them. he does not actively fantasize about others but still admits to flashes of such thoughts. and this itself is agonising for me. his explanation is that this would happen to all males and it is not a voluntary thing. and my premise is that were i his real anchor ( my word for 'mother' i guess) it would have obliterated all others for him.
and since i cannot get inside any man's head, who knows if i am too ambitious or whether he finds it convenient not to control his mind.

and to zach - my question is what is it that must be forgiven ? if he has desires, who am i to ask for change ? there isnt anything to forgive. all that i can do is to move on, limiting the damage to me, and yet leavign him with what he would like to be. we would both lose some and gain some. if we continue together, i continue to get damaged and he continues to feel pressure - neither is needed.




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"live this day as if it were your last"
 54yrs • F •
A CTL of 1 means that spicesoup is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
and so , if it is a common belief that alllllllll men are promiscuous in their minds, while living out a commitment in day to day life, there is a divergence between their desire and their actions. maybe society, or practicality of securing the next fuck, and the comfort of living in continuation overrule that desire. but that desire IS divergent from his action. which renders the action a bit of a compromise and a farce.

because the female has her actions and her desires aligned and there is no pretense or compromise.

which brings us right back to the point i made in the first post

* the futility of romantic love from the female perspective

and

* the cruelty and injustice of nature against the females of the human race

shall i laugh or cry at this !!!!

p.s. being intelligent is a curse. all the analysis that goes on, demands purity and truth. and upon finding the lack of it, the frustration becomes unbearable. and turned inward it kills.



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"live this day as if it were your last"
[  Edited by spicesoup at   ]
 54yrs • F •
A CTL of 1 means that spicesoup is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
i would like to add, that there is some compensation planned by nature.

while romantic love is futile from the female perspective, there is maternal love which has no parallel for the male.

so the male and the female are rewarded but very differently.

and looking at just one slice of nature's plans makes it look like there is injustice.

so the female's devotion to her male, may or may not result in an equal and opposite reaction from HIM.

but on a totally different dimension - of parenting her rewards are way higher than that of the male

BUT, the aspect i am traumatising over these days is the futility of romantic love - and my very fulfilling mothering experience with my children does not make the agony of a futile romantic love any easier to bear.

once again, i am hoping to be born as the queen bee in my next life !!

















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"live this day as if it were your last"
 54yrs • F •
A CTL of 1 means that spicesoup is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Part 2 of yoru answer i need to think about.

in part 1 you say that the male beast would be cured by letting the fantasy be lived out. exactly what i am doing now. if the desire exists - then by all means go and do it. there is no need for restraint for the reason that his woman is insecure.

my stand however, is that 'go, but dont come back'. for devotion and the infinity of the hunter mother relationship must necessarily be mutual. and if at some point there is, even in fantasy a disloyalty to me, then there is no reason for me to accept it.

it is no longer a question of curbing his desire. it is an issue of rejecting the entire deal with this hunter who still has not found the mother in me. if the beast exists even in thought, ( no doubt the man controls his actions ) then i dont accept it.

an unequal deal, with full devotion on one side and partial promiscuity on the other side, is unfair and just not acceptable.

and its just too bad if all the worlds men are built like this.

am just lucky to have gone thru this analysis after having lived a pretty full life ! otherwise i'd be compelled to seek my aristophanes twin in a female or an object ! at this stage i can just sit back and become a recluse or give up life - with the justification that nature is all screwed up.

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"live this day as if it were your last"
 54yrs • F •
A CTL of 1 means that spicesoup is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
true.

i tend to think it has to do with my disdain for his weakness, because and not my insecurity and the supporting reason is this.

in all my life thru all the relationships with other partners, this is the first time i am noticing the presence fo other women. surely other competing females always existed. so why is this the first time i am experiencing this feeling ?

one reason could be the openness in this relationship which has let me into a male mind much deeper than the past relationships over the years.

another could be that as i am older and less physically comeptitive than younger girls this demon has now grown. but i doubt that this is true because in another relationship 10 years ago, i was thirty, havign had babies, with exactly the same loss of competitiveness, yet i did not feel the inadequacy i now feel.

so i am inclined to believe that this is a reaction to his behavior which he conveniently excuses away as maleness.







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"live this day as if it were your last"
futility of romantic 'love'
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