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Women - to be the only one and their lack of freedom

User Thread
 39yrs • F •
Women - to be the only one and their lack of freedom
The idea of being the most important person in my partner's life... why does this exist? I was about to write that I logically see that every relationship will eventually require the partners within it to engage with other people, but then I realized this is not true, I don't logically see that of both partners. It seems that I see that every relationship will eventually need the male to engage with another female, not the female. But what about the female? Why do I not see that of her? Is it because females are placed in a suppressed state so inherently, that they do not feel they require more freedom? That their minds are trained to be so repressed that they have no real ability to conceive that they may require such freedoms in a genuine sense?

If I ever try to think about a female in reality who is in a long relationship but is interested in seeking sexual satisfaction outside of that relationship, it's like there's inherently something wrong with her. Or that she is doing it out of coercion and doesn't truly desire it, or that she is compensating, or that she's from the porn realm which means her mind is fucked up. Why is that? Because when I think of a male engaging in the same, it's way way more of a natural, normal thing. Why? I feel like it has to be related to the suppression/repression thing I mentioned above. Why is it that women seem to be more geared towards wanting to be the sole, most important being in their partner's life? Is is to compensate for this repression - That they are so conditioned to believe they have to be fulfilled by their one partner and this lack of freedom to explore outside of that construct makes them desperate to be the sole giver/receiver to their companion?

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"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."
 35yrs • M
A CTL of 1 means that EOTW is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
If it is just physical sexual gratification I don't see any problem. Emotional gratification is another story because that goes deeper. The physical is only superficial. But yeah, why not? Go for it. But don't conceal it from the existing relationship.

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"Nothing Happens On The Internet."
 32yrs • M •
deadcat is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
Are you saying that someone can detach themselves emotionally from sex? And that the reasons why they desire sex in the first place are not emotional reasons?

I don't see sex as something that can be separated from emotion, no matter how "casual."

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 32yrs • M •
deadcat is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
I agree with most of what you're saying. Esspecially about needing to rid the self of guilt. Post orgasm guilt is very strogn in society these days, and I have spent a great deal of effort, while having a lot of fun, getting rid of these pains inside myself and my partner.

This is the part I don't quite follow your logic. I feel like you aren't seeing what you're actually saying here.

"sex not being able to detach itself from emotion (perceived as such) is the result of self-loathing"

While I am aware of this occurence in the mind, I disagree with you how it arises.

I believe that sex is the physical form of love. And when you give your sex to someone, you give that love. And when you give that love you also give your personal pains attached to love. This can not be avoided. I believe self loathing occures when the individual can not accept their pains, not when they feel a need for acceptance. I need for acceptance is natural in my opinion, as we are social creatures. It is the fear of not being accepted that creates the loathing.

"Those noises I made were weird, I'm not accepted." Those hip movements looked funny, I'm not accepted."

Attaching love to sex isnt what breeds the loathing, its the fears attached to sex.

I feel ya the high fiving, and I agree. But I disagree that it requires a separation of emotion in order to achieve confidence in sexuality. I feel that it is a lack of acceptance that breeds fear, not a desire for love.

"Instinct plays very little part in our every day lives and it is far more the result of social conditioning."

I feel that while social conditioning is a very guiding factor in how many perceive what is "ok" to do and not to do, but I also feel like sex has always been an escape from that. A place where we become instinctual, animal.

"You might say just as harshly as a man feels the need to fuck a really hot girl, so harshly does a girl feel threatened if her man seeks another woman. They are both conditioned reactions, and both leave both individuals unsatisfied. However, it is better to indulge in activiites you want to rather than restricting yourself."

Agreed entirely. But I also believe that while having fun is fun, not unlearning the social conditioning is dangerous and damaging to long term sexuality. I believe a large part of the social conditioning the belief that sex is not a physical expression of love, and that those innate desires are not what is guiding what turns us on.

I see no issues with seeking physical gratification, but acknowledge it as a simultaneous emotional gratification. And those emotions, if not taken care of, can lead to negative psychological training, brought out by negative sexual encounters. These negative sexual encounters being encounters not produced out of sharing love.

And this is where it gets so confusing for women. They are told at a very young age that love is oppressive things like, being a barbie. Being slutty. Being far too reserved. They are giving so much misdirection towards how they should feel about themselves that they lose the ability to see what they truly want, and often times don't get turned on in healthy ways because of it.

Rant....

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 32yrs • M •
deadcat is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
Where instinct ends and conditioning begins is only the point at which confusion on the original motivator enters the equation.

And though that confusion can be strong to the point of distorting reality, it does not redefine the original motivator.

If a man finds himself in a position where he wants to sport fuck, when he already has means of guaranteed healthy sex, I have found it is likely due to a subconscious instinctual desire to test his manliness.

"Am I hot enough to fuck hot girls?"

The root of this is self adoration, i.e. self respect, i.e. self love.

The confusion in this is what we hold value in. The value is conditioned in us by society, the desire for self adoration is innate and human. All people want to live their one life as fully as they can.

The reason why a woman may be less urged to sport fuck than a man is due to the value she has been conditioned to see in it.

If a woman is conditioned to believe that capturing one man for the rest of your life is what determines your value, then she will be guided with that conditioning.

If a man is conditioned to believe that being supreme means being able to fuck who you want, when you want, he will be guided by this.

The desire to be supreme is human and innate. The strong survive, the weak die.

How we attempt to reach those goals is defined by what we perceive as most valuable.

So I hypothesize that all sexual urges, whether conditioned or not, are motivated by a sense of self respect, and an innate human urge to connect with those around us. And I view the core emotions attached to these motivations as love based.

It is the differences in our thoughts am I interested in, but I do wish to tell you that we see this in a very similar way.

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 32yrs • M •
deadcat is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
"The root of this is not self respect or adoration - it is self-loathing, and we are not born with it."

An interesting point. I find my sex life very healthy. I have sex usually once or twice a day and it is with my soon to be wife, we've been together for 6 years. I have no desire to test my manliness and am generally off put by guys who do.

"but something in him that he sees as lacking"

An interesting observation. I feel that I have been fooled into thinking it is out of confidence men try to pimp it up...

"I believe we are born complete"

Really? Then why is child raising so delicate? Is it trully just protecting them from danger?

"As for the original motivator, that is kind of irrelevant." Its not, it shows us the natural state of things, before conditioning's that lead to addiction.

If a person is motivated by self loathing, aren't they really just being motivated by a desire NOT to loath themselves? Isnt that self love?

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Women - to be the only one and their lack of freedom
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