if we had no peace it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. - Mother Teresa
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People!! baaah!

User Thread
 35yrs • F •
hesychastgirl is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
People!! baaah!
Hello. I am a first time poster. I'm a 20 year old medical student if that's relevant in any way.

Well, honestly I'm not sure what will come of this post, if anyone will respond. But any insight from someone more knowledgable is immensely appreciated.

Basically, I feel constantly disappointed in people. I find people to be self serving, fake and shallow and horny. And I want to not care what they think. I want to NOT need their approval. But there's this part of me that craves their love and approval. It is as if I need them to validate my existence. I want to be different than this. I don't want to be arrogant or a sociopath. There must be a healthy balance between being able to socalize and not being abused.

I realize abuse is a strong word. But I feel like I endure pain so they can feel powerful and have their egos inflated. That seems like abuse to me.

I realize a part of me will always want to bitch and moan and pity myelf. But a large part of me sees that I must change myslf, my perspective, my emotional needs.

Does this make sense? Does anyone else feel this way? Do I sound insane?

good evening
and thank you for any responses

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 36yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Jacker_Jones is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
People are fake and shallow and horny

haha are you talking about the same person. Most people who are any one of those are generally all of those.

You seek love and approval of others. I would rather have someone love or approve of me but I do not need them to love or approve of me. I think that's pretty unhealthy in that you will be fake to yourself so that you are giving people someone that they will like and not yourself. I guess maybe you need to be more comfortable with who you are so that what you present to others is really you.

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"I love to see people struggling for their purpose in life..."
 35yrs • F •
hesychastgirl is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
hmm. Thank you for your reply. I apprecite the thoughtfulness. An no offense, but that doesn't help me one bit. Do you not have any actual adivice? Perhaps you have never felt this way.. telling me to be mroe comfortable with myself has no meaning. I don't even know where to begin that.

by the way, your quote discourages me from listening to any of your advice

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 33yrs • M •
jhenning1214 is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
Personally, anyone I meet that gives me the impression of fake, shallow,or horny and I am constantly disappointed in I don't really care about their opinions of me. Their opinions are based off of their lives, which are fake,shallow, or horny, and if you don't live up to their expectations and norms I don't see why it's a bad thing for you.

I try not to let the opinions of people I don't respect bother me. Relating to your topic maybe a little bit, i'm 19 and in college and all of my roommates are pretty much morons who go out and drink all the time. Since I think that their actions are stupid, when they tell me that they don't understand why I act the way I do it doesn't bother me at all. Maybe not the exact situation, but I think there is a comparison. Hopefully I helped you out a little.

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 28yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that forgottentruth is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
First off, no you dont sound crazy

Mkay to start with, people you constantly feel disappointed in are usualy not the people you want to hang around with because you constantly feel disappointed in them.

But, you want there opinion and crave there approval because you want to belong, like you said It is as if you need them to validate your existence. and yeah i know im only 14 but i do feel the same sometimes around certain people, but, find difrent people to hang around with and it should get better and eventually go away.

Also you may find them self serving, fake, shallow and horny but thats your own opinion, like they have there own opinion on you. But usually they ARE self serving, fake, shallow and horny

hope this helped.

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"All we see or seem; is but a dream within a dream. - Edgar Allan Poe"
 45yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Restless Mind is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Never feel sorry for people. Respect their good decisions, and disrespect their bad ones. In the end, they will always choose what makes them happiest. Never feel sorry for people, because people are just as selfish as you are, just as self-interested as you are, and have just as strong a sense of self-preservation as you do. It's just that we all perceive self-preservation in different ways...

I dont take credit for this but believe it 110%.

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 42yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Squarepants is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Restless mind makes a good point.

The shallowness is typically just a lack of interest in things in life due to overconfidence in their own understanding. Fakery is due to the need to be accepted, top politicians need to be fake to win elections.

Just be more aware internally and externally, get to know what's good for your life.

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"I hungry"
 57yrs • M •
bazza is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
I dont know that I have any answers for you other than that I also have asked the same question myself and many other questions beside. I believe what you feel is perfectly normal. I'm 43 now and have been asking and trying to understand why I am who I am for a long time now. I understand and have empathy with your feelings on how others act but at the same time you crave a level of approval and love/acceptance from these people.

To be honest your questions hit the nail on the head! The problem with life is that it doesnt come with a user manual and we are left to work it out for ourselves.

I believe to understand others we need to understand ourselves and why we do things.

In life there are 2 emotive forces. That of PAIN and PLEASURE. My desires in life are maximum pleasure and complete avoidance of pain. These are the basic principles I base my decisions on. Everyone has a need to avoid pain! These forces have directed my life for the larger part without me realising it. For a long time I have avoided doing many things in my life through fear of failure, PAIN.

Its difficult to understand what other people do or why they do it. Do other people make decisions because they are the wrong decisions to make or do they evaluate their options and make the best choice that they can. In fact I would go as far to say that there is no such thing as a wrong decision. The decision you make may not turn out the way you want it but at the time you made it, it was the best option for you

If you make a decision that I completely disagree with is the problem that you are completley wrong!! Or is the problem that you have not made the decision that I would expect you to make or behaved in a manner that I would expect you to behave?

There are basic needs that we have that drive us, that change our focus in life and are the basis for everything we do.

The first need is for Certainty. This a primary need and not something you have a choice in. Every human requires this. Its not a desire. Its something you have no choice in. This is a need for comfort and stability and the avoidance of pain.There are many ways that we achieve this level of comfort.

A few that come straight to mind are things we know will give us instant certainty and comfort. Food, chocolate, Alcohol

What about Predictive certainty - All people will dissapoint!

We can do things that give immediate certainty but that dont improve us.

More positive methods that give certainty is Faith,Family

Whilst needing certainty it would soon get pretty boring if you where sure of everything all the time so yes we also require levels of Uncertainty in our lifes.

Again this is a need and not just a desire. We need to be challenged to have variety and diversity in our lifes.

See a new film, have a conversation, do something you have never done, develop a new skill.

The need for Certainty and Uncertainty are not in conflict but serve to compliment each other.

All humans need Significance, people need to be needed, need to feel important, need a sense of purpose, need to feel loved in some way or to have a unique sense of meaning.

THIS IS A NEED and not a desire or something you have a choice in.

The biggest driving force in a humans life is Emotional need.

People achieve this need in ways that are both constructive and destructive but nonetheless the same need is being serviced.

Putting other people down to show you are better than them
Some children in recent years have went on killing sprees in response to needing significance.
Having a negative Identity can make you significant.

Many woman feel the need to be needed and achieve this when they have a child.
To a man he may feel significance through promotion
Belonging to a faith or religous group
Have a partner that adores you
Having friends that appreciate you.

Whatever human being sdo they have a reason!

Humans have the need for Connection and Love. This goal in life is probably at the forefront of most peoples minds.

People need friends, familly,lovers!

This need also applies to Religion, Nature, pets, all the good stuff you love to do but also in connecting with yourself.

Lastley we all must have a purpose in life. We need to continually grow, we need fullfillment and need to contribute through doing the right thing for the greater good.

I hope my observations have helped in some way. Take from it what you want and live life with passion

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"perceived reality to the individual is reaity, but not reality in actuality."
 42yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that nyrlathotep is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
damn it I feel as though i am the only human here. I am horny i like to drink and i have friends who will use me if i let them. in fact me and my friends "use" each other. But i also have a family who i am devoted to and a personal sphere of influence that i treat with care. arent all of you horny? or are you castrated. any ways moving along.
In my own life i have a painfuly learned truth that users will only use if the used allows it to be so. every time that you tolerate some one taking advantage of your good nature you facilitate their abuses.
its not easy to be good to people and not leave yourself open to abuses. itss important to remember that giving in to the bully boys and the selfcentered users does not help them in any way it only reinforces their bad behaviour.
theres an old saying from a lovely little semi fictional book called the new testament

"cast not your pearls before swine"
at the same time though one should feel compassion towards the swine as one would feel compassion for your own brother. i am sure every one in thier own life loves a selfish bastard or bitch so try to recognize the good in even the drunken chauvanist because he could be your brother in your next life.

oh and unless you are a very intelligent monkey who can understand english and type.

you yourself.....
are a person......

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"i have nothing original to say."
 31yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Newemb is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Yes people are full of shit... Today I found out something that really pissed me off. Well what I've learned is that you can't trust them, always watch you back, cuz they will backstab you.

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"You either die a hero, or live to see yourself become the villain..."
 71yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that NicOfTime is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Very few, if any, people who won't let you down in some way at some point. Part of that is unrealistic expectation to begin with. But I also temper that with the notion that I have not been the epitome of perfection to all others at all times in my own life. I certainly can't expect everyone else to be any more perfect than I am. The failures of others remind me to look at my own failures. So compassion, forgiveness, understanding, and a philosophical outlook has become an important component of my personal coping/defense mechanisms with regard to the vicissitudes of life.

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People!! baaah!
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