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Feeling dsconnected

User Thread
 33yrs • F •
Lena is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
Feeling dsconnected
I don't quite know where to post this, but I decided it would probably fit in here better than anywhere else. I'm not really looking for help, but some sort of clarity, though I suppose that would be helping me.

You see, I do not feel quite in my own mind/my own head, at all. Most of the time, I feel rather empty, and that there is a massive void inside of my mind, and it's like a part of whoever I am supposed to be is sectioned off in another part of my brain, and doesn't have very good connection to emotion at times, by myself, or when I am around a lot of people. Sometimes, I can feel things when I am by myself, but the only emotions I really do feel are unhappiness, anger, and fear, but these too can get cut off from me, and I am left feeling nothing, feeling very blank. It also feels like there is no one controlling me, and whoever I am is sitting back, watching and making passing comments, but not in control. It feels like there is no one. I do not feel like I exist wholly in my own head, my sense of self feels very vauge and I don't even feel like there is a proper "me" existing here. I don't know who I am, I don't feel quite human at times, and I do not feel that my thoughts are my own or that they belong to me.

I find it hard to respond to people or situations a lot of the time, because I'll just feel blank at a situation or a comment and not feel anything at all. This happens when I am in crowds, or just a few people - It's like whatever part of whoever I am that there actually is, will leave my head, and it's hard for me to get back in. When I am like this, I feel like I am just observing everything from afar, and not in my mind at all, and that I have absolutely no way to communicate with anyone, or with myself. I really just become very, very blank and I zone out. I zone out a lot, regardless of whether I am by myself or around people. I don't know if I've quite explained everything I wanted to, I don't think I quite know how to explain everything I'm feeling, but this will have to be enough.

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 37yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that wholly is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
thats cool

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"dont got one"
 32yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Ancient is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
And why do you think you are this way?

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"Dark and silent and complete."
 33yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Cynic-Al is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
i can identify with you there, i sometimes feel my like my emotions are non-existent. there is a kind of restlessness, as if there is something pressing for me to do, but i have no idea of what it is i am supposed to do.

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"So Schrodinger's Cat is not only neither dead nor alive, but might also be sexually aroused by elbows and peanut butter?"
 33yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Jacker_Jones is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
I can often feel the world literally revolve around me... and everyone around is just pretend...

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"I love to see people struggling for their purpose in life..."
 32yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Ancient is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
I'm usually in a state of connection with the world. I can sometimes look at things and feel them.

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"Dark and silent and complete."
 33yrs • F •
A CTL of 1 means that Attolia is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Lena, you're speaking as though before you weren't like this. My best guess is that you're going through a phase, possible a prolonged reaction to something that affected you recently. As to why you're going through the phase and when you'll get out of it, I don't know. Explore how you feel on the inside. Think over the past few months and see if there was something that could have affected you.

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"How can we be just in a world without mercy and merciful in a world without justice?"
 33yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Cynic-Al is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
ill agree with you there, my current state of mind, is a phase brought on by pure boredom with school, i feel ready to move on to someting new, but there are still a few months, before i finish and go on to uni. im lacking motivation, and getting annoyed, due to the fact that retakes are on atm so i dont get to see my gf much, as she is revising a lot.

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"So Schrodinger's Cat is not only neither dead nor alive, but might also be sexually aroused by elbows and peanut butter?"
Feeling dsconnected
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