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Religious Experience saved my life.

User Thread
 70yrs • M •
algernon is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
Religious Experience saved my life.
I am an old man now( thank god) but in 1997 I was a young 44 racing through life never looking back, working 7 days a week, 10hrs a day for at least 10yrs solid and not realising how high my adrenalin level was. Anyway I got a work related injury which put me out for about 2yrs but in the first few weeks a series of not very nice life events happened of which I had no control. Maybe my mind worked overtime and the tidal wave I had created (work, work, work) though I had stopped, it swept over me and I had a bad breakdown. Although I was not hospitalised a `therapist` told me as I started to get better that I had been seriously ill with deep deppression and a psychiartrist told me I only had one compulsive disorder and that was to kill myself........Anyway that`s the background now here`s the experience.....I locked myself in the garage and told my wife not to come in neither her or my 10month old son as I did not know what was happening to me. I walked around a field behind my garage all night in pouring rain in a confused state until sun up the next morning. Back into the garage were I went from one panic attack to another all through the day. It was terrifying, I screamed at god and jesus and beseeched them to tell me what was happening to me - I had no idea. Then a voice in my head said "don`t bottle things up" and then I thought yes, that is what I had been doing with those life events and all my life ( big boys aren`t supposed to cry) but then there was just a whisper in my ear which said `Jesus in the wilderness` I didn`t understand but then a connection came to me, Jesus was in the `wilderness` in his mind with the devil tempting him to kill himself because he was depressed just as I was and would be for the next 18mths or so. And I thought if Jesus got over this so can i. With that something happened inside me, i rushed into the house for bread and threw it into the air for the seagulls and right at that moment I loved everything and everyone in the world. All the colours of everything-grass, sky,clouds everything were those colours but were colours I had never seen in my whole life before. Even the dirt in the ten foot where I stood you could have scooped it up and ate it,it was that clean it looked like chocolate powder. It was like heaven on earth. I felt brand new as though I had just been made and I felt 60foot tall. After a few minutes it left me and in the ensuing months on one other occasion ( if you have ever truly been depressed where everything leaves you,your soul or spirit or whatever you wish to call it dropped away from me and I did not want to remain here for a second longer) a voice just said to me " What is the matter with you - I am with you aren`t I?" And with that my spirit soared it was as though the lord was at my side. That was 17yrs ago and I still remember everything as though it only happened yesterday. My own thoughts perhaps? A survival gene perhaps? Or something more? Did I ask myself for help ? or the God that dwells within? After I was better a couple of years later my wife conceived and presented me with a very beautiful baby girl. At the time I remember thinking this is a gift from god for staying the distance. I have had four unbelievable `coincidences` in the preceding years since when I have had bad news which has sustained me. "There but for the grace of god go i " May peace and god be with you.

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Religious Experience saved my life.
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