What is it really that motivates you? The need to fly or the fear to stop? - Attolia
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Can I get an opinion?

User Thread
 33yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Elemental is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Can I get an opinion?
I haven't done a poem in a while, so I sort of forced this one out of me just so I could write a poem. I am afraid that it might have screwed up what I was getting across.

If you can o this for me, please read it, then tell me what you think, and if you get the message.

The Promise of Tomorrow

Lost in mistakes,
That cling to the tears,
They wash away faith,
Streak further the fears.

Problems in motions,
Threads woven in place,
Like stitches, they bind,
They're the future we face.

Darkness is absence,
We left ourselves more-
The pain and the burden,
Of what happened before.

Undoing means nothing,
Must start over again.
But abandon all past,
What happens then?

I know I can't change history,
But I can change what it means to me,
My heart forever knowing hope,
This breath gone, tomorrow will be.

Today is locked upon its course,
I dream of what will follow,
Another chance to live a choice,
The promise of tomorrow.

Past time is engraved,
In the hearts of all lives.
Generations of failure,
But see how it thrives.

We escape from our fate,
But never forsake,
Choice and consequence,
To our every mistake.

We left ourselves shrieks and cries,
Inherit these memories,
At the dusk of this day,
Can we rewrite our stories?

When now we see the suns fall,
We fear that they fall for good.
We dropped the chance of life,
Can we still live like we should?

I know I can't change history,
But I can change what it means to me,
My heart forever knowing hope,
This breath gone, tomorrow will be.

Today is locked upon its course,
I dream of what will follow,
Another chance to live a choice,
The promise of tomorrow.

The immodest truth,
Printed to my mind,
I won't forget my life,
For the new one I find.

After releasing the old,
To burn into cinders,
Like a phoenix, we rise,
As this world hinders.

I can not redo what was done,
I can not rewrite what I know,
I can not revive that life,
I understand that I can grow.

Behind us is lost forever...
Yesterday is gone...
Don't know of any second chances-
But my faith will lead me on.

I know I can't change history,
But I can change what it means to me,
My heart forever knowing hope,
This breath gone, tomorrow will be!

Today is locked upon its course,
I dream of what will follow,
Another chance to live a choice,
The promise of tomorrow!

How do we know our acts,
Haven't led to a bitter end?
How do I know the sun will rise,
That I might have life once again?

Today is locked upon it's course,
But I can change what it means to me,
Another chance to live a choice,
This breath gone, tomorrow will be!

I know I can't change history,
I dream of what will follow!
My heart forever knowing hope,
The promise of tomorrow!

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"Fate is the shadow cast by the light of our choice. We can change our fate by altering that light."
 51yrs • F •
A CTL of 1 means that Evilia is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
I think it is beautiful.

What I believe your saying is....like...hmmmmm. One of two things, but I more believe the first.

Like...things have happened in your life. Growing up. Things that you want to change for the future. You do not want to become what your family is.

When you say....another chance, another choice....I am thinking you are meaning that you do not need to follow their footsteps, you can be different. It is your choice, and you can choose your destiny.

You seem a little iffy throughout the poem. Like what if. Or Can I? Also throughout the poem there is a drive of I will. And I can. It also seems like something is drawing you back from changing the path. Like memories holding you back. At times you seem positive....like I can't erase the past but I can change it!! Other times it is like you are like the memories haunt you and hold you back.

All in all I think it is a great poem. To sum it up...it seems like you do have a plan...and a dream to change. Let go of those ties that are binding you and do it.

So am I right about your thinking? Or close??

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"Spellcheck is for pussies. REAL women make mistakes."
 33yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Elemental is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Wow, thanx. I am glad you liked it.

"Like...things have happened in your life. Growing up. Things that you want to change for the future. You do not want to become what your family is.

When you say....another chance, another choice....I am thinking you are meaning that you do not need to follow their footsteps, you can be different. It is your choice, and you can choose your destiny."

When I write my poems, I write them to the world, basically. So if you put the worlds sense in where you put your idea of the family, you would have got that dead on.

"You seem a little iffy throughout the poem. Like what if. Or Can I? Also throughout the poem there is a drive of I will. And I can. It also seems like something is drawing you back from changing the path. Like memories holding you back. At times you seem positive....like I can't erase the past but I can change it!! Other times it is like you are like the memories haunt you and hold you back. "

You pretty much got it
Awesome.

My poem is supposed to represent a person at a point in time where the world has screwed up bad. Looking back on history, there were so many mistakes. The narrator is now reviewing and regreting the world's choices. At this point in time, the world is doomed. The narrator's problem is that he does not know if they will have a chance to survive or start over again. That is where he is iffy. But he does decide that the best thing to do is let go of all the past except for the memories so he can always remember what to do, and to believe in the Promise of Tomorrow. The Promise of Tomorrow is supposed to be the reassurance that the narrator can start over anew with his memories.

Thank you for your input

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"Fate is the shadow cast by the light of our choice. We can change our fate by altering that light."
 42yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that uneasy is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Wow, very nice! I especially loved this:


Darkness is absence,
We left ourselves more-
The pain and the burden,
Of what happened before.

Undoing means nothing,
Must start over again.
But abandon all past,
What happens then?


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Can I get an opinion?
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