here's the link to join Pieism http://jojo-pieism.webs.com/joinus.htm
Here's the New Sacred Text a la Mode......
The New Sacred Text A La Mode
At first there was nothing. And then there was Pie. The Pie is Everything . The Pie God created us. Our universe baked for a couple of seconds , then the Pie defeated the evil Anti Pie. The Pie watchs our every move, it doesn't watch us to enforce his morals, it just likes to laugh at us. The Pie God loves all humans because we make him laugh so. The world, the universe and the JoJo was created in the image of the Pie. It has an outer crust and a warm juicy filling in the middle.
Pie has existed since the beginning of time. Actually, it was before that. The Pie God inspired the pies we eat today. People who were divinely inspired by his essence created pies. The Greeks were the first to make pie, but it was the natives of the British Isles who got pie the way it should be. If we do something 'bad' we know it's bad. Killing your fellow humans is bad. The Pie God and the other minor Gods in ' Next Universe' deal with whatever we do in our life. There people will go to Pie heaven or Pie hell. .' No one knows quite what happens there, but it's where the holy Gods reside. When we die, we go there. If we are bad enough, The Gods will decide, and the Tabby Fat may eat us, where we will be gnawed on for two millenniums. Sometimes it is said we will be digested into the core of the earth. But we all agree that we are connected in Piedom. In the end, the JoJo decides our fate.
Every March the 10th is when we pray to the Pie God, the day the religion was knownst to humans. To pray, connect your pinkies, ring fingers, and middle fingers together by their tips, pull your palms away from each other, outstretch your index fingers, and bend your thumbs. Acknowledge the Pie God, and you're done. The Pie God does not mind if you have another religion. You are free to practice it and believe what you want. There is one thing he asks though, and that is to believe in pie. Pieism is all about...believing in pie. One day every one million years, on August 30th , the Battle of the Lobsters takes place. Inadvertently, One million years in the "Next Universe" is six hunderd million years in our time. So every August 30th is The Battle of the Lobsters. This is when the holy lobsters of the Anti Pie and Pie battle, the Pie always wins. On this holiest of days, all pies are to be eaten, because the Pie God cannot form back together without the consumption of pie-based foods. One must wear cool-looking sunglasses on this day in the unlikely event of the sun exploding. Which could happen any day now for reasons only the JoJo knows. In the case of the sun exploding, whoever is wearing sunglasses will not become blind and would be saved by The Pie God. Plus, they look cool. The founding day of Pieism is March 10th. It is The Day of Pie. When saying 'The Day of Pie.' One must repeat the word 'PIE' at least thirteen times after in an echo-like effect. This is to dramatize this day, and make all know that Pie is holy. On this day, and with all other Pieism holidays, everyone must be referred to by their friends as "Fellow Pieist" , which is given to them on the day of initiation. There is a ceremonial pie eaten of choice. Before the feat everyone must say the Pie Hymn. 'Oooooh Pie. Mmmmmm, the JoJo is the Pie, Captain Pie Master is cool.'
On the days before and after every major holiday, pie is to be eaten. Mind you, you may only eat the pie if you celebrate the holiday. The holidays of pie eating are: - The days before and after Christmas - The day before New Years Day and on New Years Day - The days before and after Halloween - The days before and after Thanksgiving - The days of Hanukkah - Any Religious Holiday - The day of April Fools (The Pie God has a sense of Humor) - Your birthday
These are 'Pieism Days' where one rejoices with pie. Everyone must say the Pie Hymn before feasting on a pie of choice. A pie of choice could be any pie. There are many kinds of pies in this Pie-world of ours. Apple Pie, Pecan Pie, Pumpkin Pie, Cherry Pie, Cobbler, Quiche, Pot Pie, Pizza Pie, Crème-filled Doughnuts, Cupcakes, Cake, Crème-filled Danishes, Shepard's Pie, and many more. Everyone is to be referred to by his or her Pie Names on these days. When someone joins the Pie religion, they eat some form of pie, and have a current member initiate them. The current member says 'In Pie We Trust,' and the one joining responds, 'I have my finger stuck in the Pie.' They are then given a Pie Name of their choice. It can be anything. If the new member cannot think of a name, a Pie Priest will give them one, or approve one for them. They are now a fellow Pieist.
Pie Priests are divine Pieists who spread the religion of Pieism. There are two as of The Day of Pie. The JoJo and Captain Pie Master. But there must be a Church for pies. Pies must have a house, they are also to be shared by everyone. And the Priest always try and convert people away from their believed religions and enlighten them about pie. Some may ask why we eat pies when they are Holy. It is because The Pie God wants to share the pie-goodness of pies. He is pleased when pies are eaten. They were created in his image, and pay respect to him. There are Minor Gods in 'The After World.' These are the offspring of The Pie God. However, they are only minor Gods, and are not as powerful as The Pie God or as cool. These are the known Gods:
The Tabby Fat
The Genghis Khan
The Sally Squid
There is also the JoJo who is a semi-god, or atleast will be in the future, he is more a form of Pie. Captain Pie Master is also a very powerful human prophet.
There is one thing all Pieists should love. Clowns. It was Spanky the Clown, a powerful clown entity who once saved the Pie God. from the Missiwoki. He was rewarded and sent to rule Mars for a million eternities. Clowns are sacred. People who dress up as clowns are almost Pie worshipers. They are worshiping Spanky and his coolness.. If a clown tries to bless you, you can reward them by clapping your hands and saying, ' JoJo is Pie.'
While we all disagree on certain things, Pieists all believe in one thing...Pie. We all believe in pie. Pie is good. Pie is great. Anyone who hates pie cannot be a Pieist. If someone hates all pies and means it, they are guaranteed to be eaten by the Tabby Fat when they die.
Isn't that an improvement on the original?