How far will you go for love?

How far will you go for love? [+ favourites]

Just recently I had my heart broken by someone who I loved. So now Im wondering how far will people go for love? I mean is it worth it to throw yourself out there and constantly be put on the line for someone who is either going to cause you a great deal of pain or get a great deal of pain in the end? And if so how far should a person be willing to go? What should they share emotionally, mentally, etc. or what shouldn't they?

""LIe to me",she whispered. "I love you",he said."

Your quote is quite cool.

The biggest fallacy each and every one of us has when we hit our first relationship is this: We believe that there can be nothing wrong with loving someone even if they don't love you back. We also believe, supported by the idea that it's not wrong, that we can do it forever.

So, in answer to your question, go as far as the other person will, and just a little bit farther (to encourage them to catch up).

"Hating everyone protects me from elitism."

Well in this past relationship I did give everything that he did and even more yet I still got hurt. So now Im wondering why people even try to find love or keep going with it if you feel all this pain afterwards. I have been in relationships with other guys but he seemed really important and everything was going great then he dumped me out of nowhere and lied to our friends about the reason why. Now I dont know what to do. What do you think?

""LIe to me",she whispered. "I love you",he said."

My point was, giving and giving will not work. It is quite often harder for people to face that they are not loved than it is to just keep loving. But you can't. It's not good for him and its not good for you.

"Hating everyone protects me from elitism."

I know it sounds childish but now he has a new girlfriend, and I can't get over him. You see he lives down the road from me, he goes to school with me, his friends are my friends, and he was my best friend. So now Im not quite sure what to do. I try to distract myself so I can get over him completely, but Im stuck on him still. How can one person cause so much pain.

""LIe to me",she whispered. "I love you",he said."

There is nothing I can say, and nothing you can healthily do, that will take this pain away. It has to be suffered.

Do you know what this pain is?

It is the pain of betrayal. What it is is this: You believed that he loved you as much as you did him. This was your perception. Now, it is apparent this is not true. So, you were wrong. This is the pain - that you were wrong.

It has very little to do with him, in actual fact. Your mind knows that if you knew who he was to begin with, you wouldn't have devoted so much emotion to him. So, you were wrong.

But this isn't just being wrong. This is a big big wrong... because you invested a lot of time and energy into him. So, your mind is, in essence, telling you that you made a very bad investment.

The reason the pain exists is this: Your body and mind are telling you, protect your resources more readily. So, we are going to remind you of what it is like to feel this, and so you must feel this, so that you are forced into learning what it is that you did wrong. Once you learn what you did wrong, you won't be in pain anymore.

So, in essence, you cannot escape this (healthily). What you can do, to get rid of it as quickly as possible, is dive right into the lesson you are supposed to learn. You will know you have learnt your lesson when you no longer hate, dislike, or have any emotions whatsoever attached to him. You will be entirely neutral, and know exactly who he is, with complete accuracy.

You have to be open to accepting that he does not love you. That you were wrong.

You were wrong.

You were wrong.

Say, "I was wrong. I am currently still wrong. My impression of him, of who he is, is very different than who he really is. Do I want to face who he really is or keep tricking myself?"

The pain is unbearable. It is unspeakable. Do it anyways. You may have never done this before, or gone through this before.

But it will end, if you face reality. If you don't, you will carry this pain with you for the rest of your life. It will silently eat at you.

"Hating everyone protects me from elitism."

That is realllllyyyy deep! You know I knew him but I didn't you see because he lied to me a lot well towards the end anyway. I'm not entirely sure how I feel. Because when Im not around him Im sorta sad but im better. And when Im around him I feel.
It's like when he's not there Im numb, slightly. And when he's there I feel everything. HOw did you get so wise about relationships?

""LIe to me",she whispered. "I love you",he said."

Decius has the most well thought out posts you'll ever see anywhere. Unless you catch him in the middle of editing hehe.

The trouble with situations like these is that betrayal on such a deep level does make people numb to emotions. The psyche becomes static thereby unable to fix the problem immediately. It's like trying to walk with bullets in your kneecaps. If you are determined(stubborn?) enough you might make it a few steps, but it's best to wait a bit to heal and then start jogging your ass off.

"I am Akba-Atatdia"

Well said, but that's just it, it's easier said than done. Has this ever happened to you? Im not trying to stereotype, but men don't usually have this problem, because you think so different from women. We get attached easily.

""LIe to me",she whispered. "I love you",he said."

If that is your perception of men, you may want to evaluate who you are choosing to surround yourself with during this time of healing and reflection.

I don't think anyone (male or female) can survive 20 years without having their heart smashed to bits at least once or twice.

"I am Akba-Atatdia"

thats not my perception of men, it just seems that way sometimes. remember i said that im not trying to stereotype. what did you do to overcome a broken heart?

""LIe to me",she whispered. "I love you",he said."

Personally, I have done primarily what Decius seems to speak of, diving right in to what lessons may be learned from the experience. When I am proactive and building from a tragedy it is much easier for me to move forward. Ultimately I end up recognizing where I have wronged myself and where others have wronged me and learned why it is that these events took place. I can't change events in my past, but understanding them and learning from them allows me to let go of any negative emotions I may harbor. This in turn gives me a sense of power over my future actions and therefore I become more confident in being my natural self.

Pain and tragedy are terribly wonderful for emotional development, as long as they can be overcome.

"I am Akba-Atatdia"

So tell me how do you get that person off of your mind and keep them away from your thoughts? I know I can probably move on and pursue the things that you are talking about, but he's always on my mind, so how do I get him out of there? What would you do or have you done to solve this problem?

""LIe to me",she whispered. "I love you",he said."

Great questions! Practicality is the first sign of a real scientist.

First, you must make decisions about who this person is, even if you don't fully believe it. You have to, almost blindly and frightfully, use your ability to think analytically.

For example... if he lied to you, for sure, and doesn't hold much regret in that area, then there is an un-arguable point there - he does not respect you.

So then, you ask yourself, (without reacting to emotion at all), do you want to be around someone who does not respect you? Is that good for you in any way?

Once you make a clear concise decision about it, then you move on to enforcing it. No matter what, you don't break it.

If you decide that he is bad for you, then when the phone rings (and it will, I guarrantee you) and he wants to hook you in again, are you going to take the bait? Even if your heart, your groin, and everything in your world wants you to?

This is the discipline. It forces you to face things. The question is, have you suffered enough to be able to make strong decisions? Or do you still need to imagine him sticking his penis into that other girl's love-hole in order to fully absorb the betrayal you are going through?

Stimulate your pain. Face reality. He's not sitting there thinking about you. He's not in pain. He is with another girl! He's not using her to make you jealous. What explanation could there possibly be for him to be with another girl AND also care about you, in the slightest? That is reality. So force it. Imagine him really giving it to her. Imagine him calling out your name while he's orgasming. Imagine him laughing with his new girlfriend about the last email/conversation you had with him.

Force the pain -> build resolve for a decision -> discipline yourself to follow that decision -> become free and learned about the pain.

"Hating everyone protects me from elitism."

Have you had problems in past relationships or do you just think about these things? because you sound as if you've had some experience with this sort of thing. Oh, and I seriously doubt that he'll call me, I mean why would he if he has his new girlfriend?

""LIe to me",she whispered. "I love you",he said."