spiders

through smoking through drinking i still reamain as me no matter how hard i fight i cannot escape that as me i am not good enough for some. but now i am good enough for one. and thats what matters to me now. i cant believe what a dick i have been to some of my friends lately because i cant seem to pass any classes or just arent good enough for some of the teachers. or hell even my parents, now matter how hard i try its just not good enoughl. and here i was tearing myself up over it. well why the hell couldnt i seem to get over it? because despair and self pity seem to be a good way in your own mind to blame others, but really it just makes you look stupid. and boy do i feel stupid.

when i tried my best
i was no were near the rest
my grades were low
my best efforts a show
well tough up
ya little fuck up
said some
while others flipped their thumb
take it all
maybe even fall
but in the end just stand tall
try your best
and screw the rest.

"sad is the heart that loves. its usually broken"

In the end the best is all you can do and if its not good enough for other people, well tough, no one can ask any more of you.

""Each child holds the world in an open hand to mould it into any shape they choose.""

yeah, im in the navy for another 4.3 years, and i should be going to iraq in the next few years lol. i will try and get a few things writen up while i have some liberty this upcoming weekend

"let them not control you"

i have a whole slew of new ones that ive made in the past week.

so heres one of them i wrote. the rest will be showing up tommorow or whenever they are done.


i cant feel what has happened with me. everything is just as it was, but something has changed. get up and notice the difference. disregard the dumb and let go with turning your back on me. cant you just ignore what is going on, isnt that what you want to do, being unconfident and changing your mind. i cant feel what has happened to me, everything is coming to light now with what you have done, just backstab the one that has given you all for so little. you cant see what you have done with me, just ripping out the core and replacing with a hole. now go away just go away i cant feel your heart anymore!

"let them not control you"

come inside and witness the path of life.
witness the happiness and witness the sadness.
broken like and animal you will obey.
do you think you can break free of the webs slung over you?
after all you have tried you cannot seem to see why the gossimer resist.

the pulse reverberating with all of your lies. come inside and be afraid.
petrification and fright at the sight of the cause you have here.
branded like the beast you are, calling for a riot and turning at the power of it.

come inside and witness this life, this life in your hands.
come inside and witness this insanity of the void you try and fill.
come inside and witness how others fix and die what you call yours.

feel the violence you call a peaceful calm.
please let your mistress go. the mistress called calamity, prejudice.
silence your cries, silence your woes and let your lesson learn....

"let them not control you"

do you hear me, im crying out, crying. rageing out.just breking out, breaking out and breaking up for all the attention.
i never considered the chores of keeping this up.
with the religion of cost, im slowely learning what my soul needs.
i will rise above the spires of numbness, i will rise above the pleas of the worthless.
towards those that have fought for my side. i will rise above the change that has arisen inside my way of life.
searching for a place to go for the duration of accension.
i will rise above the shining cause of the others who say they try! to lead me astray from the path that i have paved without the lies they try to feed me to.

cant i say that i will rise above, rise again, never fall again, just to be free again.
i cant say they will try again, but they will always fail.

"let them not control you"

woke up this morning, while the eye was upon me,
feeling its heat all over me, I tried to apease its scrutiny,
but it did nothing to the feel of it ripping the heart out of me.
you havnt helped since you brought the light onto me.
trying all i can to overcome its tyrany yet i just cant stop it.
pulsing as i flee away, getting out of reach from the beasts maw.
no matter how hard i ran it always won the race.

deep inside me, crawling beneath my spirit. the words wont come.
the webs already spun are way too strong.
its damage done will not heal.
keeping my mind from growing. keeping me from moving.
confusing others it is affecting, killing growth wherever it goes.
its path was of spiritual cleaning, but turned to a bloodbath of hate.
webs spreading to all minds, theres nothing left to say.
i would give my life away to see it break, freeing the drones.

"let them not control you"

i am an immortal with a soul, now tell me that your words wont leave me aching.
i will learn from my mistake, that you cannot be trusted.
with the black water surrounding me, your petty little roar wont abate.
you will be the receiver, of a war bestowed upon this everlasting hate.
could you reap what have you sowwen beneath my eyes. release your hate.
let it flow through me, flow from me into the sky.
perhaps it would be better without your life.
come take a look, i have stolen your mind from your hands, left to the wolves for the questioning.
you wont see it coming, from behind the wanting of a shimmering, glimmering, listening hope.

it will make you give up for your life to go live on.
wondering why its all coming to an end.
if you have had enough, just say to the sky you have lived enough.
the sorrow in your eyes, is just a shadow under my feet. it simple enough.

made that in two days... "shadow"

"let them not control you"

well i guess a few of the ones i have posted have either been combined or edited, sooo this weekend i should be posting one or two new, and a few revised...

"let them not control you"

alright, i have run out of ideas to write on, so it would be greatly appreciated if people could take a few mins and reply on the nes i have posted so far...

i only have three in the works right now, but they all are hitting dead ends.

"let them not control you"

hey wake up, hey get up, please open your eyes.
while you've been away i have replaced your world, set it on fire.
but i am so happy because, you've come back, it couldn't last much longer.
we have some issues that i have to fix, but i'm sure you could, help me out.
after all, haven't you been wondering what you think about, leaving me out of it all.
i'm fed up with with this solidarity, oh god, i think i love you.
you just don't see it anymore do you, this just cant work.
down down down we spiral, going nowhere just as before.
screaming at each other all the way, oh hell, we look so sweet.
and once again this just has to be great, for all to see.

with your hair so fine, and your eyes so green, how could i forget.
the curves of that body, showing where we've gone.
up and down all over the fucking place, just taking me away.
why cant we just sell our souls so we can stay together.
only if that was so easy, and the pain could go away.
in a panic , with a fluster, once again, its once upon a time.

time will continue on, but my own little place will take a break.
feeling so hollow, with a vacancy sign in the window.
this is what i have been running from, the one thing i fucking hate.
just wanting to rip this place up and run away.
this life is going to make me go insane, shredding my sanity to a bit.
the shield you have been, you have torn down, leaving me to my devices.
i waited, and i waited, hoping for a change, but i couldn't get out.
so hopefully this can all go away.



this is the latest, just did a spell check on it today and what not

but if anyone is looking for a new site to go mess around on, you can check out my forums that i have just created.

so just leave me a mesage or send me one, if you want detals!

"let them not control you"