Redneck Joke Discussion Forum

2030 Posts / 100M

34yrs

pv_emerald14

Redneck Joke

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Redneck Computers, Y'all!

10 ways to tell if a redneck has been working on your computer...

10. The monitor is up on blocks.

9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.

8. The six front keys have rotted out.

7. The extra RAM slots have Dodge truck parts stored in them.

6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.

5. The password is "Bubba".

4. There's a gun rack mounted on the CPU.

3. There's a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.

2. The keyboard is camouflaged.

AND the number 1 way to tell if a Redneck
has been working on a computer is...

1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter".

Em

""Live life to the fullest!""

546 Posts / 83M

24yrs

[MiA]

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LmAo

"The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care .... right ?"

29 Posts / 44M

18yrs

Skarpio

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ROFLOL

"Live to Fight Another Day"

385 Posts / 45M

19yrs

zyphon

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Hey!! Were you directing that insult/joke towards me?

I'v heard a lot of redneck jokes directed towards people here on my road but that was MEEN. But mostly true.
Nice one.

hey sharpie whats up with the ROFLOL?
what does that mean?
R:
O
F
Laughin
Out
Loud?
Whats the ROF part?
Oh sorry of topic

"sad is the heart that loves. its usually broken"

5 Posts / 44M

22yrs

MsCynic

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Rolling On the Floor Laughing Out Loud.

1309 Posts / 63M

22yrs

Cynic-Al

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I appear to have gained a relation

*waves*

"So Schrodinger's Cat is not only neither dead nor alive, but might also be sexually aroused by elbows and peanut butter?"

385 Posts / 45M

19yrs

zyphon

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Not to sound dumb but what is 'waves' and what does it have to do with redneck jokes? And um what's the relation thing?

"sad is the heart that loves. its usually broken"

1309 Posts / 63M

22yrs

Cynic-Al

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*waves* means that i am waving at the person i was talking about, the * is used to indicate an action as obviously i can't wave at her in the real world.

as for who the relation would be i was merely making light of the fact that i am Cynic-Al and the poster before me was MsCynic, though any "joke" loses its amusement value after requiring explanation.

"So Schrodinger's Cat is not only neither dead nor alive, but might also be sexually aroused by elbows and peanut butter?"

385 Posts / 45M

19yrs

zyphon

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Ah. Sorry. Although i had wondered if you had lost what little sanity you had to start with. Atleast i was hoping you had more than i did.

"sad is the heart that loves. its usually broken"

29 Posts / 44M

18yrs

Skarpio

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here's a redneck joke

If u go to a family reunion to get into a relationship with sum1........ u might be a redneck.
rotflol

"Live to Fight Another Day"

385 Posts / 45M

19yrs

zyphon

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HA! Good one.
If anybody tried that at one of our family reunions they would get shot!
Here is another one,
You might be a red neck if your stair master has an ashtray!
Or maybe you just like smoking?

Haha this is a good one read this,

You might be a redneck if,
A ventriloquist was making fun of rednecks with his dummy at a bar. Then an angry redneck stood up, rolled up his sleeves, and yelled, "I resent that!"
The ventriloquist started apologizing to the redneck.
The redneck looked at him and said, “You stay outta this, I'm talking to the guy on your lap!!!!
Oh man would that suck.

I got that one from
http://www.geocities.com/redneck_jokes/

"sad is the heart that loves. its usually broken"

29 Posts / 44M

18yrs

Skarpio

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ha ha ha
how's this
if u got ur nipple bitten off by a beaver........
u might be a redneck

"Live to Fight Another Day"

548 Posts / 50M

35yrs

Chained Wings

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A couple of rednecks are out in the woods hunting when one of them suddenly grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other redneck whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

He gasps to the operator, "I think Bubba is dead! What should I do?"

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy and follow my instructions. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence...... and then a shot is heard.

The redneck's voice comes back on the line,

"Okay, now what?"

"When I was a child I flew! Then as an adult- I watched others soar."

443 Posts / 68M

25yrs

Vortex271

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lemme see...

If you've got a home that is mobile and fifteen cars that aren't. -Bill Engvall

Ever used duct tape to hem your pants- no doubt about it.

The truck you're driving isn't worth as much as the dog in the back of it- most likely a redneck.

If Tobacco companies send you Christmas cards with coupons for more chew- maybe.

If you go to your daughter's third grade and get beaten in minute math by your kid (and you're counting fingers) not the brightest bulb in the room- and most likely a redneck.

If you've ever used the pickup line "I've just installed a new transmission and I want you to pop my clutch"- and it's worked- definitely a redneck.

Home improvement constitutes a jack, lug/torque wrench, duct tape and primer- and also a spare tire- you are definitely a redneck.

You sew an extra pocket in your pants for the buck knife (I knew a man who did this, lived in a doublewide and always brought us venison, awesome guy) but a redneck.

You buy cars for the sole purpose of putting them in the front yard-
your wife grows a flower garden in an old oil pan from one of them-
you shoot a guy for stealing the hubcaps off of them...
who happens to be your brother/uncle....
no doubt.

""As I sit before the fire, I wonder how many before myself have been burned.'"

2 Posts / 41M

20yrs

laquwan

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ten ways you can tell if a redneck has been
on your house if you look around and see
your couch is in your front yared and he is still
sleep with beer coming out his pants

"git like me"