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Echoes - Page 9

User Thread
 35yrs • M
A CTL of 1 means that awakendwraith is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Its Called Faith For A Reason

Please excuse this interuption, envy, lust and dissapointment.
This is anger. This is hatred. This is "Fuck You". This is faking.
This is almost. This is crying. This is blinded. This is fighting.
Least accepted. Your descretion. Drunken lessons. I have missed it.

Not belonging. Out of sync with. So much higher. I can't believe this.
I am perfect. I am perfect. I am nothing. Hear the stories.
If I am so right. If this is beautiful. If I am sane and if this is real.
Why the qeustion? Why the doubting. Why isn't this happening to anyone around me.

I am crazy. I am crazy. I am happy. I am stable.
I am laughed at. Apathetic. Oh, resentment.. I missed the memo.
I am different. I am different. That is an acomplishment.
The only difference is they aren't dumb. I am pathetic. I am wrong.

I am crazy. I am happy. I am angry. I am laughing.
I am scary... to myself. I'd never lose it. They should run.
I am lost. I am lost. I am lost. I am lost.
Who am I? I am lost. I am happy. I am happy...

Please excuse this interuption, smiles, graces and mis-trust.
I am hurting. I am healing. I am partial. I am real.
I am real. I am real. Is this real? I am happy.
This anger. This is hatred. This is love and this has broken me... donw.

| Permalink
"Why cry for those that often cry? Instead, help them smile, and smile for those that smile."
[  Edited by awakendwraith at   ]
 35yrs • M
A CTL of 1 means that awakendwraith is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Happy Birthday

Its been a year now and its starting to show.
This is house was a new thing, but its getting old.
Its been a long ride and its starting to show.
I am tired and cramping and my face is cold.
Its been a mind trip and its starting to show.
When they look at me now they all get confused.
Its been a year now and its starting to show.
This is the story of a boy and how he grew up.

Three hundred and sixty-five days ago.
I was sleeping in saw dust and painting the walls.
My father was awake for three days.
We worked off our asses, I didn't get paid.
There was a kid named Robert.
Sleeping in saw dust and painting the walls.
I had just met him, but then we were brothers.
I noticed that something was wrong in this world.
When my father said nothing is wrong with this kid.
He had no home, kinda like me.
Had sixty-three cents and a bag for his cloths
He had no job and no prospect of love.
He had no hope or mindset to know he was fucked.
Dad said he'd be just fine.
But we were sleeping in saw dust and painting the walls.. for free.

And just two weeks before
There was domestic violence and screaming of words.
Well Mom went crazy and Dad kinda snapped
And my brother threw the coord-less right at his head.
I had two knives in my hand
And Brother and Father, well neither of them flinched.
Needless to say that special.
That was the moment I got left alone.
The next day one of my freinds came over.
He wanted to to come stay at his house.
He asked why all of our shit was
Packed in the van and then my mom broke down.
I said, "I guess we are moving."
He said, "Where to?"
I said, "I don't know."
So for those two weeks I slept where I could.
I followed my dad because I thought that he could provide.
I was wrong and now I know I had no chance.
So its off to the saw dust and painting the walls for free.

We ran out of places to go.
I was fed up that I had no home.
I called my freind out of fear
Asked if I could come stay a few nights.
And that fear turned into a year.
Turned into the best that could ever happen to me.
I remember scratching the skin of my wrist.
But the scar sure does look damn cool.

Three hundred and fifty-some days ago.
There was a Little Miss Jones that I called on the phone.
I had an itch in my head.
I was nervous and helpless and just some what pissed.
She said that she did't have time.
I was hurt and annoyed and I wanted a cure.
No solutions came from that.
I simply replaced her with somebody new.
But I remembered the course.
I grew wiser and wiser and
Began to prepare for the worst.

Two hundred and sixty-one days ago.
I met Hayley in guitar class, she looked so emo.
Curly hair with eye liner and Umbrella Corporation
Patched to her black half buttoned jean jacket.
She showed me that weakness is in us.
I treated her the way I would like to be treated.
And she took it like it was beating.
And I crushed her, she'll never forget me.
It was an accident.
I never meant to hurt her.

I showed her how understanding would work.
How most kids are empty vessels and not even real.
I showed her she had a choice to ascend to a level
Past shallow insecureties and false hope with good times that roll.
She saw me angry and hurt and decided that she was fine where she was.
I didn't give her the choice, I showed her light.
I broke her in peices. She hit me right back.
And all the while I remembered all the saw dust and walls.

Exactly one hundred and ninety-five days
twenty two hours and two minutes ago.
I embraced a girl in my arms.
And we wept.
It was silent, but damn it was good.
Lets put this in short hand.
Twenty-One days later
I almost died.

And through that pain I remembered what happend before.
The replacement was only temporary.
I left myself so vulnerable.
I wanted the truth. I wanted a cure.
With everyone else door around me shut.
I kicked mine open and everything hit me at once.
I listen to songs about people who hide and I see it.
I see it in everyone.
I noticed that they are much older.
They started with the same thing I was about to go through.
I noticed taht were not happy. That they were alone.
And still I remember the saw dust and painting of walls.

So with knowledge faking I turned to truth.
I noticed that I was right with everyone I knew.
I could see it. And I had a plan.
I would not only save me, but I would save them.
So I would go through the pain no one else knew.
I would be strong and I would do more than survive.
There were times when I would walk into traffic.
Yesterday I named twenty-five different things that hurt my chest.
And now I feel more than anyone else can.
I have pain from seventeen years of resentment.
I would be strong I would do more than survive.
But I would remember the one who I'd die for.
And so I grow now. I grow and I learn.
I get down sometimes, but I come back for more.
I let it all in. And I don't let go.
I was obsessive and lonely and mad at the world.
But I deal, yeah. We all gotta deal.
They can have all their bondage and filtering wills.
But I deal, yeah. We all gotta deal.
This truth will make what I love to share.
And this love, yeah this love is real.
Hopefully hoping is more than just fear.
And now I know that I am ok.
I am doing everything that I can.
I was abondoned, let down and used.
I was betrayed, I was hurt, I was often lied to know.
And I take it. I take it all in.
But I am smart and I am so forgiving.
And I remember the saw dust and paint.
But most importantly I remember the pain.

Its been a long year and its starting to show.
Its been a long time coming and its time that I show.
Its been a hard life and its starting to show.
And I'm finally smiling while I'm alone.
Its been a long year and its starting to show.
Its been a lone time coming that I finally know.
Its been a hard love. And its been fun.
You are the best thing that could have happen. And I'll never let go.

I started this two hours ago.
I thought it might be good to let everyone know.
I've been so tired and its starting to show.
I got circles on my eyes and no need to know.
Its been a long year and its finally done.
I hope that some time soon they get over themselves.
Its been a long road and its starting to show.
Its time to wash away this paint and saw dust.
Its been a long year and I finally know.
This was the best damn thing that I could have hoped for.

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"Why cry for those that often cry? Instead, help them smile, and smile for those that smile."
[  Edited by awakendwraith at   ]
 35yrs • M
A CTL of 1 means that awakendwraith is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
At Least They Are Trying

I am beggar at my at best. An angel at worst.
I am under their tounges. I make 'em choke on words.
I am pathetic at best and enlightened at worst.
I am a sacrifial beast and my blood is the cure.

I am a tactfull king. I am so honest it hurts.
I am a hero and a loser. I am the best and the worst.
I am the "Fuck you too!" while you're biting your tounge.
I am the gun shot blast and I am biting the bullet.

The systematic approach. I have beautiful eyes.
I find the answer to the root. I have a beautiful mind.
I am the key to the chains. I am the heart on your sleeve.
I am the cure to the itch. I am the painfull release.

I am a sinner at best. I am a liar at worst.
I am sadistic when I'm angry. I am fighting the curse.
I am a beggar at best and an angel at worst.
If want could break a love than this is more than its worth.

I am holding back and scared of the worst.
I am a frightened little boy. I am spread out on the floor.
And I can shift my shape. Its just one of my names.
Temptation never looked so innocent to me.

I am holding back and scared of the worst.
I am a frightened little boy. And I am vulnerable.
I threw away my guard. I sacrifice for fun.
I am striving for their souls. I am hope to God that this hurts.

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"Why cry for those that often cry? Instead, help them smile, and smile for those that smile."
[  Edited by awakendwraith at   ]
 35yrs • M
A CTL of 1 means that awakendwraith is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Stolen Sweetness Four- It's Either In The Past Or Right In Front Of Us

And all will be revealed my freind.
And all will be revealed my freind.

You will hate me. I will try too hard.
This is coming from the only thing you want.
Not enough. I'm sorry...so.

Either you are selfish or you do not care.
Either way you never call me your freind.
Not alone! I'll be there! Tell me when to let it go.

And all will be revealed my freind.
Don't forget me. I can't hide this.
Come again get me excited.

And all will be revealed my freind.

You can test me. I do not care.
I will sit in silence and I'll never stare.
Stand alone as I have done.

You can blame me if you think its fair.
While you sit in silence I will only stare.
Not alone. I'll be there! Tell me when to let it go!

Hold your mouth closed! More will be revealed my freind!
Don't forget me! I can't hide this!
Come again get me excited!
Oh no!
More will be revealed my freind.

Don't forget me. I can't hide this.
Come again get me excited.
Don't forget me. I can't hide this.
Don't forget me! I can't hide this!

Hold your mouth closed! More will be revealed my freind!
Don't forget me! I can't hide this!
Come again get me excited!
Oh no!

And all will be revealed my freind.
And all will be revealed my freind.

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"Why cry for those that often cry? Instead, help them smile, and smile for those that smile."
[  Edited by awakendwraith at   ]
 35yrs • M
A CTL of 1 means that awakendwraith is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Irritation

I am alone today.
I have been for so long.

It is my greatest fear.
And it has been for so long.

I was alone today.
With out my freinds again.

And when they are around
I pretend. I pretend.

I was a god today!
As I have been for so long.

And I was alone today.
And all my freinds are off having fun.

And all I wanted was
To call your name out!

It has been so long!
Since I heard it said!

I was alone today.
Nothing good came from it.

They wanna poke at me.
But I don't want to be perfect.

I was angry today.
Right after I was happy.

Its been headache of a day.
Boredom is another word for lonely.

I found a gun today.
I held it right up to my face.

I was alone today.
I am alone... Okay.

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"Why cry for those that often cry? Instead, help them smile, and smile for those that smile."
 46yrs • M •
dapharoah69 is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
You paint so many pictures in my mind. I love it.

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"In search f greatness"
 35yrs • M
A CTL of 1 means that awakendwraith is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Me And Zeus Got Drunk

I rejoice.

I have realized that you will love him that you will love them all, and not me,
And I rejoice.

I have noticed that you are far from me and the things that we could share are the same things you are experiencing without me.
And I rejoice.

I have come to the conclusion, and I know how that just tickles you, that you are no more than anyone else, except for the amount of recirpocation we shared.
And I rejoice.

I now know what this is and how it works.

I now know that you are beautiful, and so is he.

I now love those I had hate for, and I'm not talking about her.

I now sit and think, not because I need to understand so that I don't kill myself, but because I become overwhelmed with pleasent emotion, and because I wish to feel more love, and less insecure.

I now smile.

I rejoice.

Will you join me?

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"Why cry for those that often cry? Instead, help them smile, and smile for those that smile."
[  Edited by awakendwraith at   ]
 34yrs • F •
A CTL of 1 means that her is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
lmao. jesus chris man. im on here wit my mates username. this aint 'her' it sum1 else. and i jus fort id say that well, u must b kinda bothered to rite soooooooo much on ere. o well, if it inspries u go ahead, ur poems r quite interestin.
btw am fom London. UK. and am gon say nuff luv. wich means bye.
xxx rose xxx

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"I have nothing to be proud of today but hopefully tomorrow I will."
 35yrs • M
A CTL of 1 means that awakendwraith is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Time To Share

The two of us.
Slipping through the sidelines.
We're better off.
Well, me and you ain't hidin' now.
So let it run.
I'm standing as they run from me.

I got 'em hooked.
I'm preaching and they love me, yeah.
She understood.
And now she wants to know me, well.
This ain't for fun.
I'm standing as he runs from me.

I think I'm right.
I'm turning into what I want.
I see the signs.
I tried to show her what she needs
To feel alright.
I'm standing as she runs from me.

Standing as she runs.
But I have tried everything.
Standing as she runs.
I'm not done, but I'm ending this.
Standing as she runs.
I'm standing as she runs from me.

The two of us.
Slipping through the sidelines.
Think that's enough?
I ain't forcing anything.
'Cause this is love.
I'm standing as they run from me.

He and her and he and her and her are ok.
It what we want, its what we want, its all that we wanna be.
Good enough.
Good enough.
I'm standing as they run from me

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"Why cry for those that often cry? Instead, help them smile, and smile for those that smile."
[  Edited by awakendwraith at   ]
 35yrs • M
A CTL of 1 means that awakendwraith is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Thinking Out Loud

Seventy-three degrees inside and
I can hear the rain.
Its borderline.
I got a new dish, and man its cool.
Standing the rain.
Can we cross the line?

Sickness, is this? I will keep it.
Blissless tension. Getting steeper.
Smile pretty, you know you mean it.
He's just like her but more conceded.

Fix this.Wrap her up and feel me.
It felt like love but less appealing.
Golden years. Its so revealing.
Stare at me while its subsiding.

You know this ok.

It is nine-fifteen at night and
I can hear the rain.
Its border line.
Is it soft or does it sting?
Dancing in the rain.
I'm border line

For you.

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"Why cry for those that often cry? Instead, help them smile, and smile for those that smile."
 34yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Xaej is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
It's Important to Have a Good Sense Of Humor

You gave me the key to your heart,
and then you changed the locks.
The closer I got to getting in,
the further away you walked.

Break a heart,
and laugh at the broken.
Laugh when I'm not listening,
laugh with all my friends.
Laugh about how you destroyed me,
laugh with all of them.

You gave me the key to your heart,
and then you changed the locks.
The closer I got to getting in,
the further away you walked.
While all I wanted, was to love you- love me
you only wanted to hurt
And even though you loved me,
you treated me like dirt.

Laugh in loathe, while I look on in love,
I love the way you laugh.
I love to laugh at your lesson,
that "Nothing good can last."
I love to laugh at the lies in that,
'Cause I won't let this pass.
Go laugh at me with all my friends,
'Cause I love the way you laugh.

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"I'm just a normal boy, that sank when I went overboard"
 35yrs • M
A CTL of 1 means that awakendwraith is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Smells Like Childhood

Capitivated heartless. In control.
And down she rolls, and down she rolls.
Mis-communication. Let it go.
And down she goes. Oh, down she goes.

Take a look inside this magic mirror.
Sewing seems between A and B.
Preservation lasts longer than I know.
The cocoon has broke but she has barely grown at all.
Outside the side lines, we provoke.
Cutting ties between A and B.
We try to empathize, but we barely no.
I'm racing fast but I hardly move at all.

Tangled in her heart. Stay in control.
Still down she rolls. Still down she rolls.
Struck with motivation. Letting go.
And down she goes. And down she goes.

Capitivated heartless. In control.
And down she rolls, and down she rolls.
Mis-communication. Let it go.
And down she goes. Oh, down she goes.

| Permalink
"Why cry for those that often cry? Instead, help them smile, and smile for those that smile."
[  Edited by awakendwraith at   ]
 34yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Xaej is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Scarred for Life

Tell me sweetie, what were you thinking about
when you decided it would be for the best
to end the best we've ever had?
To paraphrase Shakespeare, "Seduction is oh, such sweet sorrow"
and you had me from hello-
Hello, so long ago now means nothing any more
And this new sorrow,
Far more sour than before

You won't forget me, even though I'm gone
You won't forget me, even after oh so long
You won't forget me, you'll be lonely all along

Tell me sweetie, did you think it would feel good
to be alone after being tied up with me so long?
To quote another genius in his own,
"Stupid is as stupid does" and you've done something
Oh, so stupid here...
'Cause when you remember, you'll regret,
And you'll realize that you wish you could forget
How great, I was...
Sorry sweetie, you've done stupid
Stupid is as stupid does

You won't forget me, even though I'm gone
You won't forget me, even after, oh so long
You won't forget me, you'll be lonely all along

Tell me sweetie, what part of what we had together changed?
Or was the problem it was all the same?
No matter now, as humans we learn from our mistakes
And sweetie,
You're the best I ever made.
You're the best mistake..
You're the best mistake..
You're the best I ever made

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"I'm just a normal boy, that sank when I went overboard"
 35yrs • M
A CTL of 1 means that awakendwraith is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
"You can't come with me."

"Why not?"

"Stop qeustioning everything!.. You just can't, ok?"

"I love you."

"God! Stop it! Just shut up and go away!"

"I.. I don't.. I don't know what to.. I love you."

"God damn it! Just get away from me! Fucking leave!"

"I..just... I am so sorry..."

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"Why cry for those that often cry? Instead, help them smile, and smile for those that smile."
 35yrs • M
A CTL of 1 means that awakendwraith is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Yesterday Kicked So Much Ass

I hope that you don't leave for ever.
Are you satisfied?
I hope this ends before its over.

You think its better of we never...
I know you lie.
I think you're better off unsheltered.

You think its holding me inside and
I know you're wrong.
Lets find out why you really hate
Are you having fun?
I hid myself from you. So loving.
We stand in line.
I vent through self expression only.
Oh, how they love your lies.
Its time for you finally get the message...
Now run and run and hide.

Are you still interested? My beauty.
Should I take my time?
These tears aren't worthless and you know it.

I'm compensating for the last time.
God, I hope you're right.
There stood no chance of this at all.

I hope she doesn't leave for ever.
Are you satisfied?
I'm sick of everything you're wanting.
Are you satisfied?
I will expand on my horizons.
Are you satisfied.
Its time for you to get the message.
Are you satisfied?
Don't run don't hide. Hey now we're sharing.
I am satisfied.

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"Why cry for those that often cry? Instead, help them smile, and smile for those that smile."
Echoes - Page 9
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