I really need advice. - Page 2

I'll do that tomorrow, since people are sleeping now. Hope I understood right what you want me to tell.

I don't have a proper mike, and I am pretty wasted atm. I have drank about 4 beers on an empty stomach and its like... 1am here,

So in order for you feel more comfortable with sharing with us, I will share something with y'all.


I am a dramione fan. Yes. It is one of the few obsessions I have., I fcking love the idea of of having a dramione (draco malfoy + hermione granger -> harry potter series) couple.

It is one of the few things that haven't given me any rest. It hasn't diluted itself over time and I feel as strongly about it as I have felt 2 months ago when I got "infected" by this concept. I don't even care about the realism of it. I don't care about the viability of such a concept. I just care that I am fucking infatuated with it. I am seriously considering to go through all the dramione fanfiction, which to my surprise, is quite extensive. Most of it is crap. really. I mean, it, real fucking literary crap .Bullshit. Makes you think that the people writing it are retarded at best. But some are really good works. I haven't had the chance to go through entire series because I work all day on expanding my own business and also I go to college (granted, now I am on holiday, which is why I have a business going on). Tomorrow... or today since its almost 1am here where I live, is a national religiousholiday. So I can afford to get shitfaced on 4 beers and counting.

Anyway, I want to hear what you, blankpicture, have to say. A story. An adventure. a confession. Anything. And these are not the beers talking. I wasn't pilling up beers several hours ago when I made the initial comment.

Good night, cheers.

@ Rainman05 - I vote for you making a dramione fan thread

@ blankpicture -

In regards to being around 'confident' people and 'borrowing' their confidence or 'leaning' on them, I have a theory:

Perhaps you feel better being around such people simply because those people seem less repressed about they desires. And because of your past, your childhood and the bullying you received through school, and things like you not being free to wear the clothes you wanted to wear, you were forced into a position of constantly repressing yourself. If you've been repressed about various things throughout the course of your life, and you're suddenly put into an environment where people are acting non repressed and they are including you in their environment, that is naturally going to feel good, even if you yourself are still repressed at that very moment.

When you write your thoughts about being a failure and not being good at anything, you might feel this way and you might be experiencing failures simply because you are not doing the things that you truly want to do. It's possible that you might not even really know what you want to do, because whilst you were growing up, you didn't have the chance to explore such things seeing as you always had to focus on hiding from being bullied.

What do you think? Did any of that connect to your own emotions/thoughts?

Btw, it takes confidence to not only record and post a verbal post, but to talk about such personal thoughts. You should feel good about it.

I'll post that voice story thing when I've the time. Been a bit busy.


Dawn,

Indeed, a lot of that made sense to me. And I agree that it's probably indeed the case regarding that. Just one thing I could not quite agree with - not knowing what I want to do. I do know what I want to do, I'm sure of it, it's just - I'm afraid of being judged, afraid of being silly and/or making a fool out of myself.

I know it might be a bad example, but for example, a lot of people on Youtube (ones who does blog like stuff and so), they seem okay and not bothered by fact that there will be a few or more who will judge them, in comments for example.

I've been thinking pretty hardly about this all - as to why I feel when I'm around people, why am I scared so much. I feel as if I'm constantly in a spotlight and everyone is like looking at me and judging. (I know it's not true, to be honest, people don't really care that much), but I can't help but feel how I do.


Regarding what you said last, for me, when it comes to Online things, I can be honest and free, I don't fear of being judged that much, I feel safer. (Like most. haha)
Same thing applies when for example I'm with people in real life who could be called friends, but only in small numbers, like ~4 including me.


Another thing perhaps worth mentioning - I'm most of the time lacking sleep. It started ages ago, went to sleep late, got up early, sometimes didn't sleep whole night. Due to that my memory has been pretty bad. (And I still do same, I'm somewhat forced to, but I've to admit I enjoy nights more)

Well, what I wanted to mention, it seems that when I'm tired I'm more free and honest, like right now, I don't have this barrier blocking my own feelings and thoughts. And after a sleepless night if I go in "public", I feel better, I feel that I can simply not care what people think, maybe not completely, but to some extent.

I guess it makes sense, since worrying and all that consumes energy and when I don't have enough energy to spare, I simply can let it pass because it's redirected to wherever it's need most, hope that makes sense. haha

I'm still not sure if I've already realized the root of problem or if there is still something hiding underneath the rock. Or if problem itself is that I don't know how to solve it.



Might have not said it before, but as always, thank you for talking to me.

blankpicture,

If you know what you want to do then that is great. When there is we something we really want, then in pursuing it we naturally start addressing the the insecurities and negativity's instilled in us that would steer us away from it:

quote:

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I do know what I want to do, I'm sure of it, it's just - I'm afraid of being judged, afraid of being silly and/or making a fool out of myself.

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Things like the fear you describe, those have to addressed in order to succeed at your goal, which you clearly are trying to do otherwise you would not posted everything that you have.

quote:

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I've been thinking pretty hardly about this all - as to why I feel when I'm around people, why am I scared so much. I feel as if I'm constantly in a spotlight and everyone is like looking at me and judging. (I know it's not true, to be honest, people don't really care that much), but I can't help but feel how I do.

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Perhaps you should try accepting the idea that yes, people may judge you. And once you accept that they might or are judging you, evaluate what that means about the person who is judging you. Ask yourself, should they be judging you? What are their judgement? Are their judgements correct? If they are judging you and it's incorrect judgements, what does that tell you about who that person is? If they are judging you and they are correct in their judgements, then shouldn't they offer you constructive criticism so that you can help yourself improve?

quote:

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Well, what I wanted to mention, it seems that when I'm tired I'm more free and honest, like right now, I don't have this barrier blocking my own feelings and thoughts. And after a sleepless night if I go in "public", I feel better, I feel that I can simply not care what people think, maybe not completely, but to some extent.

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You might be in a dream like state, sort of like when a person is drunk and feels less inhibited. I'm not sure why this happens, but it could be because your brain/body is too tired to exert energy on things that aren't really a part of you.

In a way I was going for that. Success being the key to over-coming my insecurities due to not wanting to be steered from the path I have set as my goal.

quote:

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Things like the fear you describe, those have to addressed in order to succeed at your goal, which you clearly are trying to do otherwise you would not posted everything that you have.

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I know that it won't be easy, but some days ago I felt a small change in how I felt, it's weird. I was simply walking normally to station to take my train home and even so I felt as if I'm being judged, looked at, rated etc., I felt as if that doesn't bother me as much. It still bothers me a lot, but it was a small, super small change in how I felt. I will pay attention to it next time, just to see if it wasn't just something random.

quote:

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Perhaps you should try accepting the idea that yes, people may judge you. And once you accept that they might or are judging you, evaluate what that means about the person who is judging you. Ask yourself, should they be judging you? What are their judgement? Are their judgements correct? If they are judging you and it's incorrect judgements, what does that tell you about who that person is? If they are judging you and they are correct in their judgements, then shouldn't they offer you constructive criticism so that you can help yourself improve?

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I will try this, thank you and expand on it afterwards.

In a way I love that dreamy state, makes me so carefree but I'm aware it's not a solution, it's rather than a way to run away from my problems for a bit. But still might happen, give my sleep problems.

P.s Quote tag sure makes things more organized. haha


And to person who asked me to share a story, I apologize. I'm sharing a room and have barely any time on my hands, so can't really do it now, but will do my best to actually do it, for myself and my confidence though!