One has to go beyond concepts in order to enjoy total INDEPENDANCY - vasudev_60
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Poetry Critique

User Thread
 33yrs • F
A CTL of 1 means that vigil is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Poetry Critique
I am taking it upon myself to study poetry more indepth than I truly ever have. Of course, my knowledge at the moment is really very basic. And I mean very basic. But I am looking forward to building upon it gradually and consistently.

Though I have already joined a poetry workshop on the internet (particularly one which is quite daunting), I'd like to build more confidence in understanding the subject wherever I can, so any possibility of finding like-minded individuals that I can learn with or learn off, is part of my reasoning behind this proposal.



I would like for anyone who wants their poetry critiqued, to start their own thread with one of their pieces, and ask for critique. Keep in mind that it may take me a while to respond.

Only ask for critique if you actually want to revise and rework your poems, and are genuine about wanting to understand poetry in-depth.

Ideally, you would have enough interest that you would actually want to read and learn about the subject of your own accord, since it is extremely likely that I will ask you to research something if it seems you lack understanding.


I will be very honest and blunt with my critique, so bare in mind that any emotional attatchment you personally may have with your writing will not be taken into consideration.

I am not out to hurt your feelings and tread upon your self esteem, so if you are looking for praise rather than pure constructive critcisim, do not ask me to give you a critique.

That being said, I hope there are actually at least one or two people here who are as interested as I am, in developing their knowledge and skill in this area.

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 31yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that CrypticTruth is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
With corruption comes complication, turn on, tune out the radio station, red ties, blatant lies, manipulation, one nation, under god, uncle Sam's facade, pocket books, and sleek suit crooks, black death , neighborhood meth, white lies, and mother's cries, we are the insurgency, coming to heed our nations emergencies

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""Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth" -oscar wilde"
 33yrs • F
A CTL of 1 means that vigil is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
I'm sorry, it seems I revised my thread after you posted this.

Besides that, you have not placed those words into any kind of structure that actually resembles a poem. It seems to be a string of words, placed without much thought.

Please use structure at the very least.

Taking the words themselves into consideration; you have written a list of things as one would a shopping list, it is incredibly flat and uninteresting, there is no meaningful imagery here whatsoever.

Your words lacks any clear focus of the subject, which I have interpreted as being about rebellion against corruption.

You list things that you associate with corruption, and suddenly you end that list with

we are the insurgency

Insurgency as in rebellion, right?

Though you have given no indication whatsoever that there is a "we" until you reach that line "we are the insurgency".

What I am saying is that this doesn't even have any real narrative whatsoever. I understand the concept of corruption, since you have listed off things that you associate with corruption, though may I add, you have done it in a very trite and cliche manner.

It seems to have required very little thought and effort on your behalf.

You certainly need to pay attention to structure and set it within an some kind of narrative in order to convey any meaning that you are looking to get across.

I think you need to read more poetry in order to gain some understanding of the things that shape a poem, such as the basic techniques like developing imagery through metaphor & similie.

Also, this may help you to get started. Hopefully it will enable you to understand why what you have just posted isn't an actual poem.

http://wwwstage.valpo.edu/english/vpr/mcdonaldessay.html

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[  Edited by vigil at   ]
 33yrs • F
A CTL of 1 means that vigil is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
If you are truly interested in gaining very basic general knowlegde and understanding of poetry, I would recommend you purchase some books that focus on these things.


Recommended books to help get you started:

1) Mary Oliver, A poetry handbook

2) Frances Mayes, The Discovery of poetry: A Field Guide to Reading and Writing poems

3) Steve Kowit, In the Palm of your hand: The Poet's Portable Workshop


Also purchasing books with poetry in them, such as The Norton Anthology of Modern and Contemporary Poetry, is a very good idea.
Understanding the ways in which poetry works and why it works, can come largely from the careful reading of the poems written by those who have a greater understanding of how to utilize techniques.

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 31yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that CrypticTruth is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
I appreciate your honesty and criticisms. I also found your references to be informative.
Here is a thought I had while writing this piece:
Why write in a traditional manor (meter, rhyme, structure) when the topic I want to address is about structure/corruption. This is my rhetoric joke.

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""Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth" -oscar wilde"
Poetry Critique
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