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Chuck Norris!

User Thread
 29yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Exmortis is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Chuck Norris!

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.

Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)

There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.

Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. (lol)

Science Fact: Roundhouse kicks are comprised primarily of an element called Chucktanium.

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can roundhouse-kick his head through a wall and take it.(lol)



If you have anymore, please dont hesitate to add them.

Ex.

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"Life is like a box of chocolates.. every fucker wants a chocolte from your box."
 24yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that xdanishx is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
people may ask who is more important chuck norris or god , trick question chuck norris is god

how many chuck norris' does it take to reach the moon, 2 one to wait on the earth, the other to fly up and bring it to the first chuck norris.

if chuck norris had three legs than he still wouldnt be able to beat bruce lee.


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 26yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that petre666 is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
bruce lee did everything chuck norris did twice and did it better

whats the last thing to go through chuck norris' victims minds
his shoe

whats a ghost?
someone chuck norris killed so fast death didnt have time to register it

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"the only pain in pleasure is the pleasure of the pain"
 25yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that 7amood11 is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Hey guys, this is my first post.

Chuck Norris drove to Hawaii. Yeah, drove.

The main causes of death in the US are: 1) Heart disease, 2) Chuck Norris, 3) Cancer.

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Chuck Norris!
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