I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that don't work." - 68 firebird
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Confusion mixed with some more confusion. Please help.

User Thread
 32yrs • M •
Reoh is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
Confusion mixed with some more confusion. Please help.
Recently I have met someone who is a real keeper. She is honestly the most amazing person I have ever laid eyes on in my entire life. Every seconds I spend with her I fall that much harder for her.

Thing is she isn't ready for a relationship, being that she is just out of one. I really respect her and understand her situation there for I am not trying to convince her to do anything she isn't ready for (like dating me). She knows how I feel about her and has explained to me that she likes my company as well.

I guess where I am at, at this point is I feel like I could very well be setting myself up for failure. I don't want to be a rebound, and I dont want to pressure her into anything she isnt ready for.

I want to wait for her, and give her the time and space she needs but I don't want to wait for something that may never come.

I don't know what to do. Should I just back off and save myself from possible pain or should I stick it out and hope for the best?

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"I have always feared the unknown, Now I dont know myself."
 37yrs • F •
A CTL of 1 means that pupa ria is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
i don't know what to say to this. i lost a few friends because of it.
i couldn't neither meet or deal with their feelings and expectations.
quote:
I don't want to wait for something that may never come.

is it a question of all or nothing? she says she likes your company and maybe that's all what she needs right now, nothing more. in a situation like this you got to let go of your ego a little. i don't know don't suggest anything to her cause she may be in a vulnerable state and the decisions she might take and the things she might do wont be built on solid grounds. just give it time, be her compagnion, the presence she loves. whats most important is for you not to push it. Let things happen on their own. Be a child, play. no winning, no losing involved. i know that in vivo it's asking for the impossible cause its intense and you gotta find an exit to your feelings. confusion, confusion, "love is noise, love is pain" eh...good night and good luck!

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"I'm the mirror that will make you invisible"
 67yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that cturtle is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
quote:
Thing is she isn't ready for a relationship, being that she is just out of one. I really respect her and understand her situation there for I am not trying to convince her to do anything she isn't ready for (like dating me). She knows how I feel about her and has explained to me that she likes my company as well.

I guess where I am at, at this point is I feel like I could very well be setting myself up for failure. I don't want to be a rebound, and I don't want to pressure her into anything she isn't ready for.
pupa ria has certainly hit the nail on the head with her advice. . . reiteration, we tends to promote our existence as an individual, singular entity; that individuality leads to a confusion as society represents extends membership within a group (being part of the group rather than being isolated) Focusing on forming a social relationship within group dynamics will allow her to (heal) reestablish her identity socially. Then both you & her can better form your relationship to each other.

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"Terrorist or tyrant, few may come to the Truth that both are poor choice."
 32yrs • M •
Reoh is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
Thank you both for you advice. I decided to be honest with her and tell her everything. She and I are both glad I did. She admitted that she really likes me and has been trying not to because shes not ready for a relationship but that has been impossible. I told her I dont want to push her into anything she isnt ready for and that I am okay with her not being ready and that I would still like to hang out like we have been. Maybe it time something will come of it but until then I am okay with just being her friend because she is so amazing. She really appreciated that.

As for what Pupa said, I have been taking it very slow, I dont push, or even insinuate anything. I told her I want to move as slow as she needs. I really respect her and I think she is starting to realize it.

And Cturtle, we are both friends with all the same people. We have known each other for years just nothing has ever come up as far as relationships because we have always been in seperate ones. Socially she has loads of friends, her last boyfriend attempted to shelter her, but she is a social butterfly. But regaurdless I understand what you are saying because I needed to find myself socially after a break up from a 5 year relationship.

Thank you guys so much for the advice, I plan to put all of it into effect starting immediately.

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"I have always feared the unknown, Now I dont know myself."
Confusion mixed with some more confusion. Please help.
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