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Relationship Problems

User Thread
 30yrs • M •
jhenning1214 is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
Relationship Problems
I recently was broken up with by my girlfriend of almost a year and a half. The first 10 months or so we lived in the same town, until I went off to college. Our relationship went well until about 3 weeks ago when she said she wanted to take a break to date other people and make sure I was the right one to be in a relationship with. She said she loved me but she was not in love with me. I tried to give her space over the break, but I am stubborn and didn't have a doubt about whether or not I was in a relationship with the right person, so it was more difficult on me.

Needless to say, I was broken up with a few days ago. I've tried to keep some form of communication with her but it is difficult to now hear her say that she is going to hang out with other guys since I still love her and I'm used to being in a relationship with her. Part of the reason I think for the breakup is she is a year younger, and I think with the maturity she will gain going to college she will realize I am the right guy, but that definitely isn't given.

That being said, what opinions do you have on the idea of "winning" a girl back. My idea was to give her some space and still keep some communication, then maybe in a few weeks go and see her and try to do everything I can to "win" her back. I suppose I would try maybe writing a poem, getting her flowers, telling her my thoughts and emotions and then trying to do something fun to kind of re-invigorate our relationship.

Any help appreciated.

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 43yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Black Gold is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
I'm no expert... But, there is probably no perfect way to win her back...
The things that have worked for others may or may not work for you...
I like the idea of letting her know how you feel, but be careful not to hurt her feelings somehow...
Staying in communication is good, although if you seem cold, she may pull away, and if you stay keen, she may be put off... (paradox?)
I think people make more relationship mistakes when younger, but can take a lot of time until they regret them...
I waited a long time before moving on after my first break-up, but feel for me that was necessary...
Maybe find out what she wants, and what she thinks of you... You may be able to dispel incorrect beliefs, which may help some.

Good luck!

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"There is no negative one..."
 28yrs • F •
A CTL of 1 means that XFreeGlowStickX is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
The one and only thing I have come to realize about wanting a person back is patient. It's okay to feel jealous when she goes out with other guys, just show her you're fine with it. Go a few days without speaking to her, try a week.

Sooner or later she'll start to miss you. She'll take the first step at trying to talk with you again, and once that happens don't go over board with it. Talk every once and awhile, don't show too much emtion with it. If you do, she'll feel confused or maybe even gulity about hurting your feelings, the last thing you want is her to come back to you out of pity. Let her have her freedom to find out if you're the one she really wants to be with or not.

If she comes to realize you're not the one, she'll tell you, and you'll have to let her go. Don't push it, you may still love her, but you have to respect the fact that she may not love you the same anymore.

Hope I helped out some. (:

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"There is only one Happiness in life, to Love and be Loved"
 33yrs • M •
Reoh is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
I know what you are going through. I am going through a similar situation. The best thing you can do is stop all contact with her. Let her begin to miss you and wonder what you are up too. Through doing that either she will realize you are what she wants or you will realize that she isnt what you need. It is a hard task, I am struggling with it right now, but if I can do it, you can too. Good luck man.

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"I have always feared the unknown, Now I dont know myself."
 28yrs • F
A CTL of 1 means that dirtxbaggg is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Patience is a virtue. It sucks for the wait but she's a girl, she's young and she'll take some time to realize that she may have already had the right one in her life and she just walked away from it. Now think about it, are you willing to go through hell and back with the chance that she won't want you back anyways?

Personally, I think a break is something you take to start a break-up; I'm probaby wrong. [I've never taken a break/let that be an option]

I believe that if she wants to be with you, within a few days... she'll be crawlin back to you. Kepp comunication going but don't come off as to clingy.

Expect the worst&&Hope for the best, [:

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 30yrs • M •
wanderingspirit is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
i know just how your feeling i was with a girl for a year and a half and we were engaged and lived together and well one day she went to her moms and never came back she called me and said im done i need to get my life straight and i dont want a boyfriend and all that stuff turns out she left me for another guy

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"free the mind and the spirit will follow"
 31yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that BethewateR is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
just be there for her, take into consideration what she feels, a couple of weeks waiting to make contact doesn't make sense. She was the one who wanted to break it of remember? Life goes on and shes obviously a good person to have around in life, they way I look at it we all get one shoot and everyone needs a good friend to lean on now and then. Start dating yourself, jealousy is a strong emotion but don't flaunt it and keep in touch but as friends, theres no such thing as a soul mate but there is such thing as the "concept" of the soul and the emotion of love and attraction. Its your life listen to your heart just dont let it cloud your judgement. good luck

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"all you know is all you know"
 42yrs • M •
MrToad is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
I must begin by saying that I'm a 31 year old cynical bitter individual. So, you'll have to try to view my advice through that slightly skewed prism. I say, get happy with yourself. You need to learn how to have the life you want without depending on anyone else being around. When this is achieved it'll show in your daily life. If she's worth having she'll try to come back to you. If she's the shallow masochist that most women are then she won't, because you sound like the type of person that would be willing to treat her with respect.

Until you too can become bitter and angry enough to be the abusive prick that women seem to want (though they won't actually admit to it), get happy with yourself. This way being alone is less of a problem for you. Still lonely, but at least not miserable.

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"Without deviation from the \\\"norm\\\" progress is not possible. -Frank Zappa"
 27yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Newemb is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Well... me to, just got dumped by my girlfriend and I must say it hurts like hell, but am on a quick recovery. We are 16 and I know some of you might think that there was never gonna be something between 16 year old teenagers, but believe there is. I thought that relationship was great, but out of no were she landed with those awful words. I mean after all that she said to me, that she loved me and would never leave me I thought that it was alright with us. Guess I was wrong. Well I hate her for that now and it's begining to sound very funny and stupid . Still I think before getting into another relationship those who got dumped have to wait for a while and think about the whole thing. Music and poetry is my best medicine, helps to get the mind off the situtation.

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