The evolution of sense is, in a sense, the evolution of nonsense. - Vladimir Nabokov
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Fears with Aging

User Thread
 37yrs • F •
Fears with Aging
Last night I went to a social engagement a group of roughly 20 people, family and friends. The purpose to 'celebrate' a couple's engagement. I hated being there. Sure, I was social to the extent my arbitrated sociability would allow me to be. But none of this is the relevant point. It was Mark. He, now for perhaps the 4th time in a row out of my encounters with him, was derogatory towards me and negative specifically to do with 'getting older' Like age is a plague and that I, being 26, am infected by it. I am turning 27 next week. He is 25, not much of a gap right? Yet to soothe his own insecurities and make himself feel better, i.e. younger thus somehow less 'plagued' than me, he injects age related jokes with negative connotations into conversations, which makes having any conversation with him a generally unsatisfying and unpleasant experience.

I can't say that I am affected by his negativity now, in the sense that his feelings haven't rubbed off on me. What has affected me is this.. When Mark's negative attitude towards age was challenged by my thoughts towards age, being that I don't feel too many qualms about getting older, specifically nearing thirty, it became apparent that other people shared his feelings in some way or another. That somehow, 25 and 26 and 27 and 28 and so forth are seen as 'getting old' in a bad way. Not only seen, but more importantly that people's emotional response to these ages are negative, as though life really is just slipping by and that youth is something that diminishes. I quite dislike this idea yet I am not yet in a position where I can clearly state to myself with confidence that all these people are wrong and that I am right in my idealism and my perceived reality. My perceived reality that at thirty I will feel better than I do now because I will have life more sorted out in my mind than I do now. And I can't readily dismiss that aging isn't bad because of my own personal experiences which give me strong insight into how it must feel when one's body begins to give out and the pain that is felt as a result.

So what I seek from you through this thread is this, what do you really feel about yourself getting older? With the age that you are at now, do you see where you are in your life in relation to that age as something acceptable to yourself or not? And if you are not content with the age that you are at right now, what would you have be different if that were possible?

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"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."
 35yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Wyote is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Hitting 25 has been one of the toughest ages for me personally. I think I have been on some level preparing for it since I was about 20, but that doesn't mean it's gone without difficulty.

25-30 is socially the most awkward age bracket I think. I believe this is due to it having such a wide spectrum of people in various developmental stages of social status. You can have one person in this age group who still lives at home with mommy and daddy and has never had a job, and yet you can also have people with years of experience and expertise in a field of study, who may have built up a small fortune.

As a result of having such a huge gap in social status among peers, this age group is the most insecure about their social status.

As for myself personally, I thoroughly enjoyed being a part of the "young" social group, and I honestly still feel like a little kid. The problem is, I'm no longer a part of that group in any way, nor do I have any interest in remaining in it. So, right now I feel like I have no place I belong, and it feels good to belong.

I bring myself back to reality by realizing that everybody in my same age group is in the same position. Even your post here is proof of it, and is now the group that I am a part of.

I'm fine being my age, but I struggle with how awkward it is sometimes. As soon as my peers gain confidence in being individual, independent adults, I'll feel just fine again. In fact, being around those types is what's most comforting to me these days.

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"A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge. - Thomas Carlyle"
 37yrs • F •
Wyote>
quote:
"Even your post here is proof of it, and is now the group that I am a part of."

When you write this, do you mean you feel that you are part of the 'group' that I am part of or the group that my friend Mark is a part of? And how would you describe that group?

And also,
quote:
"I'm fine being my age, but I struggle with how awkward it is sometimes. As soon as my peers gain confidence in being individual, independent adults, I'll feel just fine again. In fact, being around those types is what's most comforting to me these days."

Does this mean that your level of comfort in regards to your age is/ is largely dependent on how comfortable others your age feel about themselves?

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"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."
 35yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Wyote is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
The group I was referring to is the group whose social status is so widely spread out, psychologically and monetarily. The age group I suggested was 25-30, but I think it is probably more accurately 21-28. When individuals can feel and behave as though they are children or adults and anything in between. I am a part of this group, and I would assume Mark is as well but I cannot assume where you stand, yet it only makes sense for you to also be a part of this group.

My level of comfort is largely based on my surroundings - in all aspects - and even more specifically it is largely dependent on my social interaction with others. So yes, I am currently most interested in interacting with those my own age, and when those around me feel better, I feel better.

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"A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge. - Thomas Carlyle"
 50yrs • F •
larkin is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
I am much older than all of you!

My life improved in every way as I got older. My body has not, but even then I still FEEL better about my physical self than I used to.

As one gets older one generally cares less what others think. As confidence grows we can listen to other peoples opinions, be open and consider them and then reject those opinions that we do not agree with. And this without feeling too upset by them.

Do you think that he knows he is getting to you and is winding you up?!

Most people fear turning a certain age but when you get there ........ you are still the same person that you were - but hopefully better!

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Fears with Aging
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