Negative...

Negative... [+ favourites]

How\'s this for a how-do-you-do? I signed up on Captain Cynic because I read something in the theories/philosophy forum that burrowed into my thoughts.

I signed up just now.

So .... *deep breath* I hope this falls into the right hands.

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I\'m realizing how much negativity exists in every day of our lives. We\'re busy fighting our way through traffic, feeling unfulfilled at our jobs, dealing with traumatic and stressful situations.

We go from learning and loving and embracing to scowling and obsessing and drinking ourselves to sleep. You don\'t eat the bear; the bear eats you.

Inevitably we\'re dragged into this mindset that holds us in... no matter how hard we try to claw our way out of it.

In order to combat this mindset, would it be better to say nothing unless it\'s positive or thoughtful? That way, those around you would have no cause to ruminate on your complaints. Is that being true to yourself?

"Truly exceptional people prefer to be on their own because ordinary people are annoying."

Hi Girlbot, and welcome to the site (in a non-nonesensical manner, I am really welcoming you, specifically).

So you're wondering how to cope with this negativity in the most productive way possible, if I hear you correctly, right?

If this is the case, we have to analyze the nature of the negativity, why it is there, what it does, and then we can try to determine what we can do that is the most effective and philanthropic way to cope with it.

I feel negativity is almost always:

The projection of one's fears unto another through a pre-emptive reaction to those fears being true.

So, for example, if you were to perceive with relative certainty that people on the forum would respond by making fun of you, you would present what you just said with more comedy, arrogance, closed mindedness or brashness, as examples of pre-emptive reactions that protect you from what you perceive to be an inevitable threat.

On a day to day basis, therefore, I believe everyone feels threatened in some way or another and even if they aren't fully aware of it, they are pre-emptively striking out to protect themselves from it.

What is your take on it?

"Hating everyone protects me from elitism."

Well... I think that some are trapped into cycles of negative thinking. They see one bad thing, and expect the worst - therein you are correct that its reactionary, esp. to fears.

It is not necessarily preemptive. True, one might obsess over what is bad and COULD happen. There are also the instances where one might only discuss negative points of a situation or situations... and the brain is trapped into only seeing the negative side. If you're having a bad day, everything will go wrong.

In dealing with that, many bloggers (like Steve Pavlina on the Positivity Blog, or whatever his li'l site is...) tell you to change your way of thinking - when you experience a negative thought, turn it into a positive one. You only allow yourself those positive thoughts.

And since nobody likes a whiner, you only let yourself say positive things. Is this at all constructive? It seems healthier to be able to repress some negativity, but also to experience and even vent that.

How does one pull themselves from such cycles, without repressing natural feelings? (Methinks this is treading into the emotions territory) Is it fair to your true self to only say positive things or allow positive thoughts? Sometimes I think that these people who espouse this "only be positive and it'll change your life" way of thinking are really kidding themselves. Without the bad, can you appreciate the good?

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Excuse, please, if my post is back and forth between ideas. Sometimes I wander....

"Truly exceptional people prefer to be on their own because ordinary people are annoying."

You've not ascertained the nature of the negativity yet - you're saying it is cyclic, but there is no "why" behind that. Why is it cyclic? Why does the cycle begin? Is everyone cyclic?

Again, all the why's behind the negativity have to be addressed, consolidated, then a possible solution can be determined.

However, repression, in any form, according to me, is inherently bad for you. Negativity that exists needs to get out - you just have to find the right source.

"Hating everyone protects me from elitism."

Welcome to CC Girlbot, I think I am going to like talking to you!


I disagree Decius, I think repression is a choice one makes that allows them to continue on.

That is how I deal with things, it has always worked well and will continue to do so for me. I experience the negative emotions, take what I need out of them...throw the rest away and never think about them again.

Overall I think I am a positive thinker, of course I have my moments of aggression however I think that is just the way I am. That the aggression inside of me is not propagated by my repressed feelings just fueled by my everyday dealing with the tards of the world.

"My mind is tearing me apart, then it constructively puts me back together again."

Agreed restless i used to get down a lot (err depressed one might say) because i used to try and resolve a lot of my problems.

The truth is (at least i've found) that when given negative situations with the exception of large things such as break ups, deaths, ect ... that if one just smiles it off and doesn't pretend its not there but just excepts that it is what it is. One can spend a lot more time on the bigger things that matter.

In answer to the original question i think by only talking about postive things one can be blinded and won't accomplish much but the negitives are what allow us to become stronger and push are selfs to be modivated. So balance in every sentance or exspression.

"Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be. So it goes. - Vonnegut"

That is not what I said zach, I said...

quote:

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I experience the negative emotions, take what I need out of them...throw the rest away and never think about them again.

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"My mind is tearing me apart, then it constructively puts me back together again."

quote:

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You've not ascertained the nature of the negativity yet - you're saying it is cyclic, but there is no "why" behind that. Why is it cyclic? Why does the cycle begin? Is everyone cyclic?

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"Truly exceptional people prefer to be on their own because ordinary people are annoying."

quote:

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That is how I deal with things, it has always worked well and will continue to do so for me.

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"Hating everyone protects me from elitism."

Agree wholeheartedly with Decius. Repression is not a way out. It's just hiding. And waiting to be found. I speak from personal experience because repression once ruined me when I was stupid and thought it was a way to solve things.

And I applaud his last sentence. That is so true.

I think negativity, to an extent is a matter of perception. I think a reason for negativity is for it to play the role of a harsh but most effective teacher. Sure, it makes life suck, but at the same time it also allows you to cherish positivity and happy moments more and to appreciate their full value.

Negativity will only be completely negative if we let it be. In my opinion, it is something to be tackled. It is, after all, our teacher. I think negativity is important and vital, although I do hate it too. But after enduring its torture for so long, I figured that I should take the reins. It's my life, after all.

I try my best not to produce any negative situations even though others may not be as considerate. But what I believe is that I've played my part. Even if it is not reciprocated, i am still proud to say that I've done the part anyway.

Gosh, I think I sidetracked.

"Some men are wise. Others are otherwise."

quote:

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I think negativity, to an extent is a matter of perception. I think a reason for negativity is for it to play the role of a harsh but most effective teacher. Sure, it makes life suck, but at the same time it also allows you to cherish positivity and happy moments more and to appreciate their full value.

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"Truly exceptional people prefer to be on their own because ordinary people are annoying."

I consciously tell myself that there is something to learn from this and when I've learned that I can defeat this negativity and become a better and stronger person.
I know that sounds like trite idealism.
But in all honesty that is how I work. And no, I didn't take that from a self help book.
Just something I learned.
It is pointless hating and whining. I used to do that alot. Never got anything done.
Easy for me to say. But of course it is difficult. Of course I get affected. But that's something I live with.

"Some men are wise. Others are otherwise."

"self help gurus"

They are not self-help gurus - they are repression gurus, every last one of them.

There is no easy fix, and when you feel super duper after a self-help guru's methods help you, it's because you're repressed, which does make the bad feeling go away.

But then you find out your eye uncontrollably twitches and there are a hundred different repercussions.

You cannot think positively when you have unfelt pain in your heart. Pain must be vented, correctly, and adjustments in your life must be made. Then you can think positively.

"A matter of perception" is a synonym for "you don't have to think of yourself has being hurt", which is a synonym for "don't blame everyone else for your problems" which is a synonym for "forget your pain". Forget your pain means repress yourself.

It is indeed a matter of perception - the perception that you are a whining child that blames everyone but yourself. You know why this happens?

Because you're not able to blame the one person (or people) that you SHOULD be blaming. And they are the twats that spew these useless platitudes at you.

"Hating everyone protects me from elitism."

To start with, Decius you seem to have a vendetta that you verbally express, although against who I really don't know.

Now to the topic. Negativity is something that everyone faces. it is completely natural to feel it and in this day and age it isn't abnormal to experience it often. The idea behind thinking positively when a negative thought occurs to you is certainly repression, and what they don't tell you is that it is often a quick fix.

You'll feel better for a little while, but in the end, to put things in girlbot's words, it just snowballs until you have an avalanche of anger, or sadness, or stress.

Someone mentioned that when you start to have a bad day there is nothing that can set the day on the right path. Its just passed off from the get go as a day that is going to suck, and it does.

I have a lot of friends who come to me complaining about a bad day and very rarely do i find it to be a bad day. By the time I'm done speaking with them they see that it was only bad because they saw everything, even some positive things, as negative events, and all because they had the predisposition that nothing could go right that day.

You'll find if you look hard enough that even negative things have positive effects a majority of the time. Of course that won't always be the case, but when you do find a truly negative thing, as has been said before you learn from it.

One of my psychology professors told me that when they came across a patient who met a lot of stress everyday they would tell them to take a walk everyday. I propose that you try that. If you catch yourself in an unbearably negative mood than go for a walk.

While on your travels analyze the negativity. Break it down into everything that has happened that makes you feel negative and think about how those things could be for the better.

I personally listen to calming music while walking, and think about things that are bothering me. Sometimes I walk where I know I won't stumble across anyone and talk myself through whatever i'm thinking. Its relaxing and I'm not as angry as I used to be. I also have more self control.

Finally, I want to welcome you girlbot to our cynical family. Hope you stick with us, and we're all glad to have you here.

fireangel

"May wisdom flow through my mind, and love burn in my heart"

I try to help you by pointing out what the enemies are, and you observe it as a personal grudge against "something".

Here is an example of true negativity: fireangel has not been taught, by her environment and family, what "love" really is. As a result, she is unable to spot the pattern when it is presented to her. She then observes my aggression and passion as something to be feared rather than embraced.

As a result of this fear, she expresses what she believes to be an opinion with some emotion. However, the destructive effect is phenomenal - she makes me question my own motives, projecting unto me such a potent negativity, trying to fit me into the template that she has in her mind.

So, when she observes the aggression, criticism and foul mouthed observations, she reacts to it in a fashion that suggests I am similar to someone else in her past that has behaved in a similar way who DID have a personal grudge or something of the sort.

Because she did not sufficiently address, analyze and absorb the pain she felt when she was attacked by this person, she now carries it with her. She now encounters me, who is similar to this individual, and rather than perceive my actions from their true perspective, she uses this opportunity to ventilate the defensive mechanisms she learnt previously.

Had she absolutely finalized and closed her observations of this person in the past, she would be readily able to observe my behaviour from a completely unbiased perspective and see it for what it is. She would be able to make a distinction between me and that other person because she would have understood and learnt the nature of her pain: the nature of why she felt betrayed by someone who presented care towards her but in actuality used her as someone to batter their own anger towards.

This is a perfect example where if you analyze and dig deep enough, the pattern I explained earlier defines the nature of true widespread negativity.

"Hating everyone protects me from elitism."