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Things you should know before you marry

User Thread
 32yrs • F •
A CTL of 1 means that Attolia is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Things you should know before you marry
A friend of mine broke up with her fiance because of some of his opinions that she found affected her lifestyle, things that she didn't know about him before they got engaged.

If you had to make a list of what a couple should know about each other before they marry (or the questions they should ask each other), what would you add? This is assuming the other person will answer honestly.

There's too much to add at once, so I'll start off with this. You need to know about their physical health.

What else?


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"How can we be just in a world without mercy and merciful in a world without justice?"
 29yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that zachf is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
If they truly love you for who you are and who you will become.

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"Whether we wake or we sleep, Whether we carol or weep, The Sun with his Planets in chime, Marketh the going of Time. -Edward Fitzgerald"
[  Edited by zachf at   ]
 29yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that CrypticTruth is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
if any, what faults they may see in you? what you can do to work on them?

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""Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth" -oscar wilde"
 36yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Wyote is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
As far as figuring out who is proper marriage material, it's most important to figure out yourself first. In doing so, you become very good at understanding what your own desires in a mate are and can weed out the baddies more easily.

It's important to know their financial situation - income, debt, job experience and qualifications and school history.

Family health history if possible is very beneficial.

Abuse they have encountered in their life; sexual, physical and verbal.

Any rituals they may have. This is a very broad topic and can cover anything from praying to knuckle cracking.

Their level of racism and sexism is very important to be fully aware of.

Their true and natural temperament, which people often hide very well even from themselves.

And more I can't quite word well at the moment.


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"A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge. - Thomas Carlyle"
 42yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Black Gold is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Obviously, some people generally need to know more, based on philosophical viewpoints (especially religion).
Others may want to know based on need, like for health reasons or issues (dog-lovers potential partner being allergic to dogs, or more serious issues).
Apart from that, it is a huge step... Perhaps a step one should best take once in a lifetime. And, it's one you would want to live with for the rest of your life...

I'll make a rule to name ten big things I can think of, off the top of my head...

Economic plans (as in desire to be very rich, and want to share with charitable causes).
Family plans (children, and if so how many).
Place of residence (and whether travel is very high or low on the agenda).
General philosophical stand-point (I would most like someone quite altruistic, personally).
Genres of past-times (something that can match closely enough... Something to enjoy together).
The way love is shown (I think I'd lean to someone on the sweeter side, than obsessed).
A decent match with each other's sense of humour (I don't like to laugh at others, and cringe when others do).
Intellectual standpoint (I would desire someone who likes to search for and enjoy finding answers, and who also likes to discuss the big questions).
A certain level of purity and innocence, but centred very much on a mature adult perspective.
Someone who I truly would truly resonate with (in as many desirable ways as possible).

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"There is no negative one..."
 30yrs • F •
A CTL of 1 means that her is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
If you sexually satisfy each other.

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"I have nothing to be proud of today but hopefully tomorrow I will."
 37yrs • F •
stalebtch is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
well how could you not know about their physical health?? unless you mean how healthy they plann on being throughout their life

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"idk"
 30yrs • F •
A CTL of 1 means that her is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
They might have an illness they didnt tell you about, e.g cancer, maybe you should let someone know that there is a possibilty you could die from this before you marry them, or maybe they have an illness in the family that you dont want passed on to your children potentially, thats what i thought it meant.

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"I have nothing to be proud of today but hopefully tomorrow I will."
 40yrs • F •
jentsu926 is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
If they would still love you if you lost a leg. Or both legs.

Seriously, the following things need to be discussed (either formally or informally) prior to considering marriage, I think:

Money/spending habits, and if there are any compromises to be made in this area.

How much interaction you'll have with your in-laws (there should be no mystery as to what you're getting into with this one).

Religion/spirituality, and the importance it will have in your lives.

If children will be in the picture, and how many.

Importance of career. Don't expect someone to drop their career pursuits just because you get married.

If you can tolerate each others' pets.

Division of labor in terms of child rearing and household chores.

Geographical location, if one of you has to move.

Sex. Enough said.

Amount of personal space/room to pursue individual interests each of you requires.

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""Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination." -Mark Twain"
Things you should know before you marry
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