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I have not lost my virginity yet, and am in no way ashamed of it. I always believed that I would wait till i was married but since I left my religion that does not seem so important to me anymore, especially since I have decided i would rather not marry but cohabit in the future. The reason I have not lost my virginity is not because the oppurtunity has not arisen but because I would rather be in love with the person, rather than just doing it because all my friends have. Im not saying he will be the one, mr right, who i will spend my life with because life doesnt work out like that, but I want to atleast be in a state of mind where i feel loved and respected and where I love and respect him. I dont know if that is too much to ask for, but despite that I love my boyfriend, we're going to wait for other reasons. When I was younger I was watching a movie with my father, and this man knew he was going to die so he wanted to do a few things before he finally did, and one was to make love to a beautiful woman. I said to dad, ah so he just wants to have sex? I will never forget the way my father looked at me, like i was so, so clueless. He said theres a big difference between having sex and making love, one is beautiful, a physical declaration of intimacy and trust, it goes beyond physical pleasures, and is a maginificent manifestation of the greatest emotion mankind has been blessed with, that is love. Not in exactly those words but it was a long time ago, but thats how I remember it. I hope to make love one day, I havent had sex yet but I know there is a difference, I guess I have yet to really find out for myself.
"I have nothing to be proud of today but hopefully tomorrow I will."
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