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Nothing to Lose

User Thread
 34yrs • M •
nomeaning is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
Nothing to Lose
I don't have any friends, the ones I did have moved away and don't visit anymore. I don't have anyone to go out with and have a laugh like I use to. I'm 23 and wondering if I'm ever going to have friends like I use to. I spend my evenings at home alone in my room, I've been trying to study for the third year of my degree but don't have the motivation to read more than one chapter of a book at a time, I end up playing games instead. Recently though even games haven't been able to distract me I just sit in my room doing nothing, then going out for a cigarette every half hour or so. I'm having problems sleeping and the night I wrote this I'd started cutting my arms again, don't know why. I think the problem is that I have no friends, with no one knowing me it's like I'm pointless - has anyone else ever felt like this? did it last long?

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"If you canít / wonít change it, accept it."
 31yrs • M
A CTL of 1 means that ChrisD is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Yah man, I really do feel you on this one... The last semester at college was really rough for me. I felt isolated, friendless, and to top it all off I started balding. I was depressed... I think the reason was was because I was at a crossroads in my life... a new chapter was about to begin. I started keeping a journal around this time.

Once I saw my thoughts on paper and started articulating them I think I became more motivated to change them. I really started becoming more myself around that time. I experimented hanging out with different people, doing things I thought I might like or gave things a try that at one point I wouldn't have. I started bullshitting less. That was a big one. I used to put on a fake smile and pretend to be happy for people. I don't know why that is. Maybe you know what I'm talking about? Looking back, I think it's because I didn't want people to know I was depressed.

I felt a kind of empowerment about not bullshitting people anymore... telling them what was on my mind, doing the things I wanted and getting to know people I wanted to get to know but didn't have the courage before.

During my entire time at college I always took classes that interested me without regard to them fitting into a major and my Mom was always okay with that. The last semester I took all the classes I REALLY wanted to take but used to think that 'I wouldn't fit into.'

What helped me the most I think was an acting class I took. The teacher was one of the best teachers I've ever had. She was very real and cared about what she was doing. She had a way through exercises of opening people up to themselves and not being frightened of being more vulnerable in front of people. That helped me a lot and I really did learn a lot of about myself from it (that plus the journal.)

I used to always want to play the guitar well and about up until a year ago I pretty much sucked (I started when I was 15.) I was going about it all wrong... I was going about it the same way I was going about life (go figure.) I would always use tabs to figure out songs and if there was a note wrong in the tab I would still hold to it religiously even if it sounded wrong to me because I wasn't confident in my ability to listen. That was my biggest problem. I didn't listen. Once I started listening a lot of things opened up for me and became accessible. That was a big obstacle for me... yours could be something much different. You're the best person to find out what's blocking you.

In short I started being more real and accepting who I was and willing to work towards what I wanted to be. I'm closer to who I want to be now. I respect myself more and like the mirror that reality is, people respect me more.

Depression for me was about not knowing/suppressing who I was. I personally don't believe in chemical imbalances... that's just a way for people to take responsibility off of themselves. I honestly believe, as proof by my own life, that everyone is capable of achieving what they want to. Life doesn't have to be tragic and a struggle - or rather - the struggle can be fun (when you're doing what you want to do.)

Currently I've been tracking my life with a Mind Portal... you may have read about it on here. Already I feel more empowered and my life has improved. I'm more energized to do things and improve my life more than I have been in a long while.

Also, I too used to play a lot of games and after the hours would pass by and I'd look at the clock and it was 3:06am I'd feel really shitty about myself. And for good reason! I didn't do shit all day. I just sat on a chair and clicked a mouse. I still play games but more in moderation. Also I never used to help around the house for my mom and my room was always messy. I started helping and that made me feel better too.

If you want to and are willing to sincerely change yourself for the better then you will. I know that for a fact!

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"The truth will set you on fire"
 34yrs • M •
nomeaning is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
Hi ChrisD Just wanted to say thanks for the reply. I do want to change and hope i do, had an idea this evening to apply for some volunteer work as i don't have a job at the mo, i think it would be a good way of meeting new people, just wish i could feel better i'm full of doubt about my life at the moment and just doesn't seem to go away.

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"If you canít / wonít change it, accept it."
 35yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Wyote is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Like you say, you've got nothing to lose. Go in to full on attack mode in dealing with your life. I was in the same position not long ago, as are many twenty-somethings.

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"A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge. - Thomas Carlyle"
 31yrs • M
A CTL of 1 means that awakendwraith is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
I felt the same way after a finished high-school, mainly because I kenw I wasnt going to college. I didnt really have any close friends and I didnt have any hobbies or a decent job. I wasnt going to be in school any mroe so it wouldnt be super easy to meet and talk to people anymore, and most of all, I thought that I would never find someone to spend my life with, a girl I mean. Its an awful and harsh truth, but every man needs a woman and every woman needs a man. Its ingrained in our DNA. I dont think it is the only thing that can make you happy though, but I can tell you that the best years of my life have been these past two, the two years ive spent with my fiance.

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"Why cry for those that often cry? Instead, help them smile, and smile for those that smile."
 35yrs • M •
Shotokan is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
simplicity is key in a situation like that go out and do something new. a little self confidance is key man. don't worry everything works out in the end as it has your whole life through

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"if the world is round, who's on top?"
 29yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that CrypticTruth is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
I think a lot of people go through stages of their lives like this one. My advice would be to put your self out there. You already said you have nothing to lose so make the best out of situation. Go to new places you have the ability to become who you want to be so do it. Just be open with people show your self confidence even thought it can be hard.

I was in high school and I was shy I talked to people but never really had good friends. So I join a tennis club and now these guys are my best friends. I also started going to new places and I actually found my soul mate. So just go out and live life to its fullest don't dew on what you don't' have.

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""Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth" -oscar wilde"
 24yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Mr.T is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
if you have nothing to lose then why be alive im not sayin kill yourself over it but if you always have nothing to lose then you never have anything to expect

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"Yesterdays History Tomorrows a Mystery"
 24yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that forgottentruth is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
i know everyone will say, "you are to young to understand" or something close to that but i know what you mean, i don't have any friends either and i have sleeping problems i have cut my self and the only thing keeping me going is family, so you arn't alone

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"All we see or seem; is but a dream within a dream. - Edgar Allan Poe"
Nothing to Lose
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