32yrs • M
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I was involved in a court case a few months back. This is the letter of apology I sent to my girlfriends parents. What do you think about it?
Dear Carothers Family,
I'd like to start this out with an explanation of my intended tone in this letter. Usually when I write it tends to sound informative and with out any emotion. That is most definetly not the case here. I would like you to know the entire time that you are reading this and the time after while you are thinking about it that this letter is intended to be heart-felt as I am trying to share my emotions and thoughts about what happend. Know that I am very saddend by what happend and I am very, and most sincerely, apologetic. As well, if at any point in time I seem to be sounding like I am telling you that I KNOW your thoughts know that what I am saying is only best guess. So if at any point in time when reading this you feel that I am being sarcastic, shallow, or that I am writing this simply because my probation is making me, know that that is not the case. I am writing this because I want to, and because I trully am sorry.
Before I talk about what happend in May I'd like to say that I do not believe that you have ever liked me and that the idea of me being your daughter's husband has always scared you. Take Cory for example. When ever you think of Cory and Magen, the entire time they were together I doubt it ever entered your mind that they would end up being together for the rest of their lives. They went out for three months, when Magen and I hit 4 months you tried to split us up. The reason why I believe that the idea of Magen and I being together for the rest of our lives scarred you so much is becuase you thought that ment that Magen would be gone from you. THe reason why I think that is becuase of a few conversations you had with Magen where the subject of Pam wasting her life on her daughters came out. I believe that Pam felt that she did not believe herself to be a "success" and that she didn't like wher her life was and where it was going. As well one of the reasons why i believe you were so quick to judge me as a bad fit for Magen is do-to Pam's own bad experiences in her past. Pam hasn't exactly had the best conditions in her life and niether have I. THat fact that I brought such bad memory's in fornt of her alone made her imidiatly apprehensive. Every time you said that you wish you had more money or whenever you'd say that you don't dislike your life, you just wished it were a little easier. Everyone of those thoughts and emotions hinted towards your un-happyness with your current place in life. I may be wrong, but if you take into consideration that Pam was not happy with her life, then you take into consideration that she had poured the last 18 years of it into Magen, and then take into consideration that Magen was not going to full-fil all of Pams wishes, mathmatically, Pam would be feeling as if her own wishes, her own life, was not being ful-filled. Pam assumed that because Magen was with me that she would not go to college, which is clearly not the case, that I would not be a responsible and successful person, which I clearly showed otherwise when I got my own apartment and car by myself while taking care of my brothers family that I was more than capable of "manning up" and taking care of Magen once we got to that point in our relationship. You assumed that I would be a bad influence on your daughter. During the last 15 months you must agree that Magen has changed a lot. And not just her looks. Her self-confidence is actually present. She has become more aware of her surroundings and more aware of what life is actually about. She is way smarter than she used to be and she has grown into a woman that knows and understands the meaning of love. She has found a place in life and is happier than she has ever been. If you dis-agree, ask her. I believe, as does she, that our relationship is responsible for her being so happy. I know that you don't know me very much, and I am not trying to sound arrogont, but I'm pretty good when it comes to things like love. Magen and I constantly compare ourselves to other relationships as we have the entirerty of our relationship. We would compare ourselves to other couples and how long they have been going out and how "good" their relationship is compared to ours. The best way I can describe it is like this: Ya know how you'll look at a baby and hear it talk and then ask how old it is to see how smart it really is? Well Magen and would have been the equavilent of a genius baby as far as relationships go... I hope you understand that, its the best way I can describe it.. What my point is, is if you took a look at our relationship from our point of view and from a younge couples point of view I believe that you would see how good of a thing Magen and I have. Problems that most relationships fall out on Magen and I have no trouble fixing. All of the reasons why couples get divorced and why they fight, Magen and I won't have those problems later on down the road becuase of how well we are progressing in our relationship now, and in the past. Magen and I both feel that she would not be as happy with, and I know that I would not be as happy, with any one else because we are such a good fit for each other. It is hard for me to describe in a few sentences when it has taken Magen and I 15 months to get to this point in our relationship, but if you try to understand that we are trully in love then I am sure that you would then have no choice to understand that all of Magen and I's problems were only for the good. Then I think you would see that I never really was a bad boy-friend or a bad influence, because love is the most precious thing in the world. This brings me back to a point I made earlier in this paragraph. That you felt like I was taking your daughter away. Now, the way that I explained it before was probably hard to follow because its hard to explain. I'll put it mathmatically.Pam feels that Magen is a representation of her own life becuase she has put so much of her own life into her.Pam sees me as the persont aht will take her daughter away, thereby mathmatically taking her own life away. But more than taking the life away she felt that I wa "ruining" MAgen's life. As I explained above, i was doing no such thing. Magen and I were building our lives together and the fact that we loved each other and that I became more responsible for her, the only reason why I got my job at Brighthouse was because I didn't want to disappont Magen, meant that we were in fact good for each other. I was not ruining Magens life, we were making our lives better with each other. I think that mis-conception is where most of these problems started, and that is why I put them in this letter. Had you not felt that I was ruining mMagens life you would not have felt that I was ruining yours and would not have imidiatly dis-liked me. When I say imidiate I don't meant he fisrt day, whether it be true or not, what I mean is the first time you considered us being together.
Now with the history of our relationship in mind take my history into consideration when thinking about the night that happend. I come from a family filled with domestic violence. I hat eit more than anything else. My father used to beat my mother when i was a kid. During the last few months living with them ever single day there was a huge domestic dispute everyday fille with violence and fear. When ever Pam hit Magen the first time I told Magen that she did not have to be subject to it and that I would make sure that she had a place to go if she needed it. I kept that in mind. That you had phisically attacked her before. IT must amke you angry when I bring it up, but you must also understand that it had a large portion to do with why I re-acted the way I did. Then, one day Magen told you that she did not want to live on campus at school. This was the day at Music World. You told her that if she told you no one more time that she would end up on the ground. My re-action to that was not intended to be dis-respectful, but stern in meaning that I was not going to stand by and watch that happen. You putting her on the ground that is. Now, what you don't about that incedint is that those were the exact words my father said to my mother before he broke three of her ribs, busted her lip, and blackend both of her eyes. Not to mention, the reason why you were so upset was because the point I was trying to make all last paragraph, that you were afraid under false pretneses. I hate domestic violence and I love Magen very very much. Therefor, I really hated that she had been put in a place where she afraid every day that something radical would happen. If you dissagree that she was in that state of mind, ask her.
This is the difficult part. Im going to start my explanation with first telling you to keep everything in mind that I just said. I am goiing to now play through what I experienced that night. Magen came over to my house after she got off work. She was there fr about 20 minutes then went home. She called me on the phone. These were her exact words. "Josh, can you come get me?" "Why?" Because my mom attacked me as soon as I walked in the door." "... I'll be there in fifteen minutes." After I hung up the phone I turned to my brother and he asked me what was wrong. I told him the phone conversation. His exact words to me were, "Do you want me to go with you? I am tired of them making your life difficult and I WILL fuck them up for you." My exact words were, "No. I'm tired of it all. I'm just going to go get her. Nothings going to happen." There were three other poeple in the room when I said that. They will all tell you the same thing. I never had the intention of commiting any act of violence. I got to the house and could hear Magen screaming form the the car that was parked across the street. At first I thought you guys were just arguing and I wasn't alarmed. As I got closer it became obvious that they were not in anger. That Magen was screaming in fear. Her exact words were "Stop it!" "Let me go!" "Youre hurting me!" "Somebody help me!" ... The only way that I can describe the wasy she sounded, and ofcourse I knew that it was not the case at the time, was that it sounded like she was being raped. Take into consideration your extreme dis-like for me and how you thought I was ruining your life. Take into consideration you telling Magen that she was reason why you two were getting a divorce. Take into consideration you qouting my father before he hospitalized my mother, take into consideration that you had hit her before, and tkae into consideration that the only other time that I had ever heard any one scream like that before was when my father beat my brother with a belt so hard that he bled, take into consideration my extreme love for her, take into concideration that I did not come there with intent to hurt anyone, take into consideration ever thing that I have said before. She was screaming. I have never been so afraid my entire life then the moment right before I kicked your door. My only intention was to get her outof your house. Once I was in your house I will admit, I was exactly in the best state of mind. It was too much emotion for me to handle. I was ok most of the time. I new that your bedroom door did not shut well and that it had to be locked ofr it to be so tightly shut as it was and I didn't want to hear her scream any more so my first reaction was to force the door open. At this point in time there was too much emotion for me to handle. Once I got Magen out of your room Gary grabbed ahold of me. In no way what so ever was he wrong in doing that and I fully understand that. He wouldn't let me go and he wouldnt let Magen go so I put him against the wall. After I realized I was actually hurting him I let go. Magen and I tried to leave and you wouldn't let us. Gary clung onto me and would not let me move. So I slowly walked out of the house as he was pulling on me. I was trying to leave but I guess his initail reaction was to not let me go. After getting outside Magen and I again were tyring to leave and Gary again would not let me go. He had scratched my arms to the point of them bleeding and once he ripped my shirt I punched him one time. He was off balance and rolled over and hit his head on a brick. That is what knocked him out. Not me punching him. Once I saw him on the ground I was surprised because I didn't think I hit him that hard, but I realized by the way he was laying that he hit his head on the brick. Shortly after Magen and I left. Magen and I fell asleep when the cops came to my house. I went out there and saw your neighbor. The first thing I asked him was if Gary was ok. I did not want to hurt anyone. That was never my intention. My intention was to get Magen out of there.
Once I got out of jail Magen and I looked at that night as the night that all four of us showed our worse side. I really believe that to be true. I am sorry that I could not control myself. I am sorry that I could not think rationally under the circumstances. I am sorry that I did not see this coming and try to make it better befor eit got this bad. I am sorry that you think I am a bad influence on Magen. I am sorry that you feel I am ripping your family apart. I am sorry that you two were on the verge of divorce because of the amount of stress our relationship was causing. I'm sorry I kicked your door in. I'm sorry I made you feel helpless. I'm sorry that I hit you. I'm sorry that Morgan had to see that. I am sorry.
I would love nothing more than to have no sore feelings about what happend and for everyone to get along. You need to know that is honestly how I feel. I love your daughter with all my heart. I hope one day you'll be ok with that.
"Why cry for those that often cry? Instead, help them smile, and smile for those that smile."