Children Ruin Lives

"People on either side of the opinion must stop criticizing each other." - Is someone criticizing you?

"The fact still remains that children do ruin lives." - Are you sure about that?

"I try my best to be just like I am but everybody wants you to be just like them."

Sorceress, your post was beautiful. I'm sorry I didn't mention that earlier.

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But I think the world needs to start looking at the overpopulation problems and adopt the one child per family idea.

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The fact still remains that children do ruin lives

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Are you saying crappy parents ruin their own lives because they suck at parenting? Perhaps you are on to something. Still, life seems so much more free and open and stable without children to keep track of. Plus, you don't know if you'll suck at parenting until you actually become one. Why take that chance?

Maybe I am too heavily influenced by others? If I had a child I would be too influenced by whatever they do and whatever happens to them. I envision even more of an emotional roller coaster then I already create for myself, which is hard enough lol.

I do apologize if I have offended anyone with this topic. I wanted to be bold and direct about my feelings so that I would get very honest and direct responses.

I've struggled with this for so long. I love kids, I loved being a kid. To create one is just so mind blowing to me and it baffles me that people don't seem to stop and think about what they are doing. It's just fucking. Children are more often a byproduct of pleasure then they are an intentional way to grow as an individual and/or species. Chained Wings put it nicely.

And I like you too Lady Taz. Thank you for really trying to understand what I'm saying here.

"I am Akba-Atatdia"
[  Edited by Wyote at   ]

I just want to say that I understand what a mind-blowing decision it is to bring another life into this world. My husband and I tried for five years before we had our first child and it wasn't a decision taken lightly.

But I think to myself, when you are a responsible (grown up) individual in a secure position with another responsible adult and your lives are pretty well secure, why wouldn't you want to bring another human life into this glorious world and share humanity's treasures with them?

Wyote, there s nothing wrong with not wanting children and there is nothing wrong with wanting to enjoy life to the full as an individual - but having children doesn't take all that away it just means you have to share those experiences with someone else. If you are in a long term relationship you are already doing this with an adult, with a child it is even more rewarding because you see them getting something even more special out of each new experience in your life and theirs.

""Each child holds the world in an open hand to mould it into any shape they choose.""

Well, no one is questioning your personal abilities as a parent here. If I've made you feel that way, that was not my intention.

You bring up more excellent points though! I would start another thread titled "Relationships Ruin Lives" but I think we are all pretty aware of that haha. Also, you can move on from a relationship... you can't exactly just move on from your own child... so it's a little different.

The more variables you add the more complex the equation.

I understand what you're saying about the positives of having children, but I don't think I would ever truly know what that is like until I have children... there in lies the problem.

You are a great parent because you find it all fascinating and thrilling and totally enthralling... whereas I may just find it all rather dull. I just don't know. I don't know how anyone could know until after they've had children.

"I am Akba-Atatdia"

my daughter is 14 months old now and she is the best thing that ever happened to me. before her i didn't care about anyone or anything, but now she's opened my eyes and actually made me want to do something with my life. and even though her father isn't around anymore i don't mind doing it on my own. i mean i have moments where i feel like i'm going to go crazy because i just want to go and to something with my friends...but the positives definatly out weigh the negatives. i have a babysitter every once in a while and i can still hang out with my friends. but to tell u the truth a lot of the time i'd rather be with my daughter anyways.

"free country my ass."

Being a mother of two kids, I think it's the parents that ruin their lives not the kids. My husband and I waited 7 years to get married and 5 more to have kids. During that time we saw our other friends get married and have kids, and turn into different people. Sometimes it was a good thing some times it wasn't. We were determined not to be like the ones who had their lives a living hell. You have seen these parents. Why aren't my kids listen to me? Why aren't my kids doing what I ask them to do? Why does my life suck! They love their kids. It' just they don't know how to raise their kids. The reason their kids do listen or do what they are asking them to do is because they didn't train them too. The reason their life sucks is because they made it that way. My kids are a joy to be around for everyone who have met them. The do what they are told to do and listen to you when you talk to them. They make my life more of a joy. But at the same time, I am able to do the things I did before I had kids. We go camping together, go to movies, go out dancing, go out and have fun with friends. I do things as a couple, as family, as daughter, as a friend, as mother. People seem to loose themselves when the get married and then further when they have kids. The trick is, not too. Everyone is more than just a mom, or dad, a wife, or husband, friend, or daughter. It's not easy to keep that balance. I guess that's why so many don't.

"What is wrong with me?"

I honestly don't think anyone should be allowed to have children unless they are both psychologically and economically prepared for it. And these requirements generally aren't fulfilled until people reach their 30s. Hell! I don't think people should even get married until they reach their 30s! A child is a blessing when both parents are at least moderately fulfilled with respect to their lives, relationships and accomplishements. Raising a child requires the setting aside of complete self-absorption, allowing the mind and spirit of another to grow in the light of one's own personal existence. It can be very rewarding. However, until a person is ready and willing to commit heart, soul, and time to a new, developing human being, an unplanned child can be a difficult and heavy burden.

"Each conscious mind is alone in the universe!"

I personaly don't have any kids, but my feance has a 1yr old little girl, and i love her to death. When we have her I hope to mother mode and nothing else is important but her needs, yes i clean and do my work while taking care of her, it's no big thing. I know i can't relate all that much for the fact she's not mine, and i didn't bare her, but when i do have that time with her i wish more and more she was mine.
Yes i do believe people should think more when it comes to kids, and meny of tmes it just happens to people and they get scared. But there's so much help out there for young-mothers and so on, it's the choice of the mother on if she takes the help or not.
My mother raised me and my younger brother by herself. She had me in her 20s and my brother and me are nine yrs apart, and i'm not a mother but thats hard, having an only child then out of nowhere having another. She took little help and worked her ass off to provide the best life she could, ya she complained and thought from time to time why'd she even want a kid, but in the end she's so glad she did. She looks at us now and sees that she's given us a good start on our lives.
I know i'm rambling, but there's so much on this topic. As for the not having kids tile their 30 thing....wow.., women have that clock issue and "some" men at 30 want nothing to do but sit in a chair on their off days and relax, not go play ball in the backyard. Yes a child is a blessing, but sometimes it's just what the couple,young girl,young man, need to open their eyes and fix their lives.
I know i'm not a mother but i can sorta understand..

"the more you try the more you learn right and wrong"

OK, LH...I really meant around thirty--like late 20s. I think people start settling down psychologically (and economically) around that time--that is, if they are actually fit to raise kids. Otherwise, they should abstain! Just kidding.

"Each conscious mind is alone in the universe!"