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I vaguely remember stumbling out of the shower, drying myself half-heartedly and collapsing onto my bed, rolling and wrapping myself in the comfy, cool duvet that did little to cool the burning fever I was starting to feel, nor did it muffle the effects of the trembling that had over taken my body. And then I was asleep and a new strangeness to my life stepped in to join the mystery of the garden visit. I lay there asleep in my bed, aware that I was asleep and doubly aware that I was dreaming. I knew I was in my bed and my consciousness was drifting somewhere else. I felt it (my consciousness) start to drift upwards out of my bed and out of my body and then I was looking at my body asleep in my bed, shivering and sweating with the fever of a flu that had completely taken hold now, and as I looked at myself there asleep in the bed I wondered about what a weird dream or experience this was. I looked around the room, it all appeared as it did when I was awake or in my body or whatever the hell I wasn’t at the moment. Then I realized that I felt oddly detached from my body and its sensations, I couldn’t feel the effects of the flu, I wasn’t hot or cold or thirsty or in need of the loo or anything, I just was… And then I started to float upwards towards the ceiling, I looked out of the window and all of a sudden I was outside and I could feel the cool air somehow but not the rain that was still falling. It was dull and overcast, quite dark for the time of day actually and the seagulls were screaming as usual, but today, now, I was in another state of awareness, they didn’t grate on the senses as they usually did with their constant squealing like demented banshees in the skies. Now they appeared quite a part of the natural order of things. I drifted higher above the streets and I could see the sea not a stone’s throw away and as I seemed to want to go that way, I just did. And there I was over the beach, the pier in the distance, the promenade busy with people despite the naff weather. People were still walking their dogs, joggers were still jogging, the rain and sweat mixing and dripping off their noses, and there were even a few buggies with rain covers as desperate mothers or nannies power walked the little darlings to get them to have their regimented mid-morning naps. I floated lazily along the front and I came to Treasure Island with its fun-sized sand pit Island surrounded by the pretend paddling pool sea that I had fun childhood memories of splashing about in. I remember as a small child playing pirates on the pirate ship that lay shipwrecked in the centre of the island, climbing up the rigging and walking make-believe foes along the plank and digging for treasure in the sand pit. What a shame it wasn’t there anymore. Now its all ball pools and indoor monkey-puzzles that cost the parents an arm and a leg and still seem to do nothing to burn off the youths’ over active energies. Long gone are the days of hours playing in the streets, disappearing to the parks unattended and only returning filthy and happy for dinner or Doctor Who on Saturday evening. The rain splashed down in the unused pool filling it with little round rings expanding out and interacting and interfering with each other (much like people in day to day life) making strange patterns on the pool’s surface. The sand that inevitably found itself moved from the sandpit island into the water was sloshed around by the rain leaving a dirty mess that would have to be cleaned before the children could paddle in it again. The patterns the raindrops made in the pool fascinated me and I lingered a while longer almost hypnotised by the sound of the rain hitting the pool and the ever expanding splashing circles. Something caught my eye then, a flash in the sky over the sea. The rain started to calm to a delicate drizzle and I felt compelled to fly out over the sea, which was pretty choppy in the wind. The waves crashing over the breakers gave me a new focus to concentrate my disjointed senses on. I looked to my left and right trying to gauge where the best waves were crashing and I caught sight of the alternative fitness centre where my sister-in-law did a yoga class. The waves were exploding over the breakers spewing up enormous frothy sprays, crashing over onto the promenade and almost reaching the windows of the building. I saw a dog walker caught unawares run past too late, soaked to the skin from the spray. I moved my body-less consciousness in close for a better view. It was then that a flood of childhood memories came cascading into my mind just like the crashing waves, an eerie feeling of de ja vu. I had experienced this type of dream before, often as a boy, but they were night time visions, of calm, starry, moonlit nights spent flying back and forth over the beach and ocean and the town of my youth. And memories of a voice travelling on the moonbeams, calling me, wishing to be with me. The moon suddenly expanded in my mind’s eye as the ultimate memory of youthful innocence and teenage fantasies of a girl at the other end of the moonbeams calling me, telling me she was coming and we would be a whole again. Twin flames, soul mates separated at the Dawn of time to be reunited once more. I snapped back to the present and saw the flashing again like the sun catching raindrops on a window in its glare. What was it? A seagull in the distance? No it wasn’t the right shape, it was too slender, the wings too massive a span. Could it be her, my angel, her silvery wings reflecting in the sun as the rain clouds started to part? I willed myself to get closer to her but as I started to move in her direction I was suddenly aware of being pulled back at speed to my house and my sleeping body. I must be waking…no this can’t be right, its not fair, I need to catch her, to see her, to speak to her, find out who she is! The beach and the experience melted as I found my way back into the house and then my body. I lay there, darkness behind my eyelids and I felt like my body was suddenly very alien to me. I couldn’t move, I was paralysed, my chest, heavy as if a great weight was pushing down on top of it. And finally the feeling of helplessness lifted and I was fully me again, just a man full of the flu, head pounding, nose running, throat burning and aches every which way. I wanted to get up and write down the dream before it faded for good, but I just didn’t have the energy and drifted back off to sleep, this time to just a black nothingness that would leave no lasting memory or impression.
""Each child holds the world in an open hand to mould it into any shape they choose.""
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