Courage is the complement of fear. A fearless man cannot be courageous - Robert Heinlein
Captain Cynic Guides
Administrative Contact
Talk Talk
Philosophy Forum
Religion Forum
Psychology Forum
Politics & Current Events Forum
Science & Technology Forum
Health & Wellness Forum
Sexuality & Intimacy Forum
Product Reviews
Stories & Poetry Forum
Art Forum
Movie/TV Reviews
Jokes & Games
Photos, Videos & Music Forum

Short story on vampires: Part 1 - Page 2

User Thread
 45yrs • F •
A CTL of 1 means that Sorceress is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Is that it? Aww come on, please tell me that's not the end, I'll be very dissapointed if you have ended it there!


| Permalink
""Each child holds the world in an open hand to mould it into any shape they choose.""
 37yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Chained Wings is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Thanks for the virtual reminder. No that wasn't the ending.

Ive been meaning to post the rest, but every time I come onto this site, I keep finding so many cool new things to explore, watch, read and discuss. And because this story is something I did a long time ago I sort of keep putting it last in line on my "things to do at Captain Cynic" list.

As for the ending, Im actually worried about how people will find it. As, bearing in mind, this was not written as one piece in one go. So there never was any real beginning or ending.

I just happened to place them in chronological order after my course. And this is how it turned out.

So maybe to some, the ending will be a let down. But I choose to see it as one of those "what will they do?" endings in some movies, that leave it open for the viewer to decide.

You can have the ending finish up how you like, depending on your interpretation, and upon your own thoughts and beliefs of what you would do.

P.s.
Upon reading this it makes the next post sound like the end.
There is still more to come after that.

| Permalink
"When I was a child I flew! Then as an adult- I watched others soar."
 37yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Chained Wings is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
                                                            Part Eight.


Sharon put her fist in her mouth and bit down hard until she could feel her teeth reach the bone. It was all she could do to keep from screaming.

She had watched as Darwin had been incapacitated resisting the vampire's will. She had watched, as her colleagues had died one by one at the hands of this terrible monster. Even Anton, whom she hated, and who had fought bravely, had suffered a horrible death.

And now her leader, a man who was good and wise and kind was about to be killed by this fiend. She had to act. She made to stand but Michael's fear strengthened hand pulled her back down.

‘No.' He whispered, a tear in the corner of his eye. ‘We have to wait here and live. We have to get a message back to Section 12. If we go out there we die too.'

Sharon knew he was right but couldn't sit here and watch her mentor of five years be cruelly murdered like this. She just couldn't.

She could see the vampire standing over him. He was taunting the man, making him suffer.

He put a single hand around Darwin's throat, lifting him up off the ground. The old man kicked at his tormentor but the vampire held him out further so his feet couldn't reach. Desperate hands pulled and scrabbled at the vampire's wrist, nails digging uselessly into the supernatural flesh.

Sharon could take no more. She cried out and found Michael's hand over her mouth, gagging her, pulling her down. She fought against him and pushed her way up.

Their movements and Sharon's muffled scream had drawn the attention of the vampire.

The fiend stood still, head facing their direction. It had forgotten their leader high above its head, still kicking and struggling weakly with his dying strength. Michael and Sharon crouched as low to the ground as they could. The beast's eyes peered straight at them. He sniffed the air like a dog.

Then smiled.

Sharon bit her tongue.

‘Are you going to come out?' The vampire called to her and Michael.

He looked at the dying man in his grip, then his gaze focussed on the bushes again.

‘If you make me come after you, his death will seem like the biggest pleasure on earth compared to what I'm going to do to you.'

Sharon said nothing. She couldn't speak. She couldn't move. She couldn't even breathe.

The vampire shrugged, threw Darwin to the ground amidst the mangled bodies of his men, then started walking towards Sharon and Michael.

Sharon willed her limbs to run. But all she could do was huddle in the bushes, watching this spectre, covered in her friends' blood, stride across the moonlit oval towards them.

She heard a rustle of leaves and heavy boots next to her and Michael's voice whispering in her ear.

‘This is for you Sharon. I only wish I'd had the courage before now. Goodbye.'

She saw Michael burst from the bushes, running headlong out to meet their stalker, a cry of defiance on his lips.

He held a gun with a silencer in one hand, and a sword in the other. The vampire seemed to find this amusing, but the smile ended when Michael began firing. Of the ten shots fired, three found their mark in a burst of leather and blood, causing the creature to hold its advance and weather the attack. Although the bullets didn't harm the monster, judging by the snarl of outrage and the feral glow in it eyes, they still hurt.

Michael met the vampire bravely. He didn't stop his charge but dove headlong into it, sword raised. His momentum, which would have knocked a normal mortal flying, caused the vampire to stagger backwards and Michael brought his sword down on its shoulder blade.

It carved deep.

The vampire spat angrily, growled ferociously. It grabbed Michael in both arms, opened its mouth, revealing razor canines that gleamed in the moonlight, and bit into Michael's neck. Michael screamed, dropped the sword and thrashed wildly.

The vampire brought its mouth away from its victim's throat, tearing a huge mouthful of skin, jugular vein and muscle with it. Blood spurted from Michael's neck like a fountain. The vampire dropped him to the ground.

Sharon was beyond screaming. She cowered in the bushes shivering. Everything she saw seemed like a dream. She had no control over it. Hardly breathing, she waited for the vampire to come finish her.

| Permalink
"When I was a child I flew! Then as an adult- I watched others soar."
[  Edited by Chained Wings at   ]
 45yrs • F •
A CTL of 1 means that Sorceress is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Please, please, please can I have the next bit?

| Permalink
""Each child holds the world in an open hand to mould it into any shape they choose.""
 37yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Chained Wings is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
                                                         Part Nine.


The vampire stalked toward the bushes, eyes directly on the place Sharon hid. Moonlight illuminated the catlike glow eminating from those terrible eyes, pinning her to the ground.

She awaited her death.

Then the predator slowed, stopped.

It cocked its head. Seemed to be listening for something. A grimace of annoyance appeared on its lips and it looked east.

It looked back at Sharon, eyes boring directly into her.

It took another dread step. Its glowing eyes were all she could see.

Then, it turned and fled.

Sharon couldn't believe it. Shivering with fear, thinking this just another cruel trick, she watched the dark figure disappear into the night still too scared to move, forcing herself to breathe.

Was she really free?

A cry from the mangled wreckage of bodies brought her attention back to her comrades.

Cautiously she moved from her hiding place. Her legs were stiff. Pins and needles shot up them, causing her to stumble but she managed to hobble to where the carnage had taken place.

There, six brave men lay, twisted and broken in a grotesque tableau of horror. Michael, a huge hole gouged from his neck, Anton, his eyes and tongue bulging from his thin face, and Darwin…

Darwin was breathing!

His chest rose. Ever so slowly. Ever so shallowly. She ran to him and cradled his shattered body.

‘Darwin! I'm so sorry! I should have come to help you. But I was so afraid. I couldn't even move.'

Darwin lifted a hand weakly to silence her. His eyelids fluttered open but they focussed on nothing. In the distance the peal of sirens could be heard coming closer. Perhaps this was what had frightened the vampire.

‘It's… al…right Shar...n.' The old man spluttered. She could see by the purple bruises beginning to form on his neck what it was costing him to speak.

‘Don't talk, Darwin. Help's on its way.'

‘Must…track…him.'

‘Darwin. I know. Don't talk.'

But the stubborn old man would have his say. He was dying and knew it. He would get this out before he went.

‘He… lost lot… blood. Must t… ravel nat... naturally. Kill him…' His eyes closed then opened again. ‘… when sun come up.'

‘I will, Darwin don't worry.'

‘Y… you must. Or he d… do this… again…' A fit of coughing prevented him from going on. When he was recovered, he continued. ‘For… us! You must… kill… him!'

Blood gushed from Darwin's white lips and his breathing grew weaker. His limbs went limp in Sharon's arms, his eyes began glazing over.

'I promise, Darwin I promise. I'll hunt him and kill him. I promise.'

A final wheezing breath escaped Darwin's body.

He was dead.

Tears welled in Sharon's eyes. They were all dead. All except her.

She had only one thing to do now. Hunt the one who had caused all this. Just like Darwin said, he was weak, wounded. He needed to find somewhere to go to ground and heal. And he'd probably travel naturally because of all the blood he'd lost. This meant she could track him.

She lay Darwin's head back on the grass and closed his eyes. She wanted to stay and comfort her colleagues but the sirens' wailing was quite loud now. If they found her here, there would be too much red tape to go through and she would lose her prey. She had to go now before the trail became cold.

She stood stiffly and scanned for the imprint of the vampire's footprints in the grass. They headed west. And every couple of meters, a dark patch shone under the moonlight. Blood.

She cast one more look at her comrades before leaving. When the sun came up tomorrow and their murderer went to sleep to heal, she would corner him and drive a stake through his heart.

Sharon set off at a steady jog, driving the appalling image of blood and the gruesome faces of her colleagues from her mind. She replaced them with another face.

The face of the one she would kill.

| Permalink
"When I was a child I flew! Then as an adult- I watched others soar."
 45yrs • F •
A CTL of 1 means that Sorceress is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Is this the end or is there more? I think you should carry on and expand it into a novel, the hunt could last quite a few chapters and the end of the book could be fantastic. I could think of a few twists to add I bet you could too!

well done chained wings - its a cool story

| Permalink
""Each child holds the world in an open hand to mould it into any shape they choose.""
 30yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Cynic-Al is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Either that or it could just be the event that starts Sharon's vampire hunting days and you could just keep going lol. But I would agree it would be quite possible to make the story into a reasonable length book

| Permalink
"So Schrodinger's Cat is not only neither dead nor alive, but might also be sexually aroused by elbows and peanut butter?"
 37yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Chained Wings is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
There is one final part to go.

Ironically, it was the very first piece I wrote. I believe it was on the topic of "conflict" , where I had to put two very opposing characters in a scene together and see how they would react.

Somehow I just came up with this concept of a vampire and a vampire hunter.

I really enjoyed the two characters I created, so every time I had a chance to do some "free writing" pieces in my course I chose to continue building that world.

I dont know that it was any skill on my part or just blind luck that made it all fit together into one short story.

But this was done over a two year period in 1999 and 2000 and I haven't gone back to it since then.

One of the most recent things Ive written was a post for the Finish the Story thread. But it sort of took a life of its own and "grew" till it got too big to post there. (nice to see people have resurrected it anyway. )

Since that initial couple of posts 10 months ago, I have been working on the concept of it and have been kicking myself hard up the bum to actually do a final draft and begin posting it.

Since it is very Alice in Wonderland in nature and has many supernatural elements like spider demons in it, I may very well add the two characters from this story at some stage.

But although I really enjoyed writing this story, I dont plan to continue it as a major piece of work.

| Permalink
"When I was a child I flew! Then as an adult- I watched others soar."
[  Edited by Chained Wings at   ]
 45yrs • F •
A CTL of 1 means that Sorceress is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Well thank you for sharing it with us chained wings it was very entertaining.

| Permalink
""Each child holds the world in an open hand to mould it into any shape they choose.""
 37yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Chained Wings is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
I forgot about this.

In case people are confused about me saying there was one more part , I decided to leave it as it was and use the final part for the newer story I mentioned.

Sorry if anyone read this and wondered if that was the end or I still had more.



| Permalink
"When I was a child I flew! Then as an adult- I watched others soar."
Short story on vampires: Part 1 - Page 2
  1    2  
About Captain Cynic
Common FAQ's
Captain Cynic Guides
Contact Us
Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
General Forum Rules
Cynic Trust Levels
Administrative Contact Forum
Registration
Lost Password
General Discussion
Philosophy Forums
Psychology Forums
Health Forums
Quote Submissions
Promotions & Links
 Captain Cynic on Facebook
 Captain Cynic on Twitter
 Captain Cynic RSS Feed
 Daily Tasker
Copyright © 2011 Captain Cynic All Rights Reserved.   Terms of Use   Privacy Policy