Oxy Moron

Oxy Moron [+ favourites]

This is a song I wrote for my band. Critique?


OH, AS HISTORY UNFOLDS
WE DIG OUR GRAVES
AND SAY OUR GOODBYES X3
WE SPEAK FOREIGN TONGUES
THIS IS NO GAME!

Gone to war,
as glory fades
strayed bullets X2
grazing heads
and taking lives

ONE MONTH IN
WE GET THE CALL
"HE DIDNT MAKE IT,
HE WAS LOST ON FIELD"
"we're terribly sorry."


As Glory FADES!_______________________ X6

Gone to war
glory has faded
strayed bullets
took his life.

As Glory FADES!


(Uppercase = screaming) (Lowercase = singing)

"You get custody, I get your life."
[  Edited by Decius at   ]

It makes some sense to some extent and though you are getting sooome kind of message across, I feel that it is being overly repetitive. Honestly, I got bored just reading its lyrics.

"http://yes-virginia.deviantart.com/"

First song I've ever written.

"You get custody, I get your life."

Well there's my honest feedback.

"http://yes-virginia.deviantart.com/"

Thank you, I appreciate it.
At least I know what to change now, for my next song anyway.

"You get custody, I get your life."

when u sing it, record it and put it on you tube and then in the music videos section so we can tell you what we think with a tune as well

"So Schrodinger's Cat is not only neither dead nor alive, but might also be sexually aroused by elbows and peanut butter?"

Will do. Actually, we should be recording some time this week.

"You get custody, I get your life."