Does she want to break up? Or is she confused?

Does she want to break up? Or is she confused? [+ favourites]

I have been with my amazing girlfriend for 2 years and 2 months. On our 2 year anniversary I gave her a promise ring to show her my commitment and love for and to her. We had a great balance in our relationship, we never fought EVER and always had fun. We always made each other laugh and always came to agreements on contrasting opinions. We did actually fight once but it was only cause we were both drunk and since then we thought better of it.

Well here is my situation. A few weeks ago I noticed something was wrong with her. She was acting a little strange. We went to a dance and while we were dancing I noticed it seemed like it was bothering her to dance with me. She said she felt sick. So later on that night I asked her what was wrong and I know something is up. She told me she didn't know how she felt about me anymore. She didn't know if she liked me as a friend or a boyfriend. It hit really hard, and I didn't expect it at all. I was completely happy and satisfied and in very passionate love with her still after all this time. I broke down after she told me how she wasn't sure anymore. After that i told her I hoped that she wouldn't give up just yet, and to keep fighting because I know she loves me, or atleast did! The things we have felt together and experienced was to intimate to just fade away out of no where like this. Well time went on and she said none of her feeling has changed and she still has no idea what she wants. But she said it felt like a burden to be with me and it made her sick to be with me because she felt like everything she did and said was all a lie. She did not want to lie to me at all and it hurt her to "act". So eventually we both decide to seriously end this and move on.

After we broke up I went back a couple times to return certain things to her that I had at my place. It was really hard. The last time I went I almost lost my mind. I just lashed out and kissed her passionately and we both sat down to talk. We talked for a while and the situation remained the same. I told her there was no way possible I could move on.... I just can't because I love you way to much. The only way I can move on is if you honestly tell me you want me to move on.
She said: "Zach I.. I don't love you like that anymore.....I think you should move on..."
I knew I shouldn't of kissed her.

Previously that day I had written down a whole bunch of questions that I really needed truthfully answered before I could move on. Before I left i asked her all of them.
One being: "Can you right now be a friend with me and not be bothered by it at all?!"
She said: "Yes"
The fact that she wasn't in any pain throughout this whole breakup was one of the hardest things to swallow. I was in all this pain alone.
She said: "But I would always want to kiss you Zach. It just feels right to kiss you. Your the only friend that I could kiss and it not feel weird."
I am completely confused......
I also noticed right then that she was wearing my Promise ring that she had previously taken off.
I asked her why she was wearing that if she doesn't Love me like that anymore.
She said: "Because I'm not over you yet... and it reminds me of you and I like thinking about you."
I am completely confused again..
How can she be in no pain through all of this and still not be over me? And if she isnt over me!!! That means she still has SOME feelings for me! And WHY would it feel right to kiss me if she doesn't love me anymore like that!?
I have been in so much pain and agony because of all of what is going on in my life right now.

This is the end. Right before I left I told her that this would be the last time I came over to talk to her, because I had come over a few times since we broke up and I don't want to feel like a stalker.
I said: "I won't be back.."
Right then I handed her a letter.. She grabbed it and before I let go of it I looked her right in the eyes and said.."Promise me Ann.. promise me right now that you will NEVER ever open this letter - if or until the day that you love me back with all your heart and soul as I do to you right now!" She promised.

The letter said: " I still and always will love you. I've been waiting for you."

I simply said goodbye with my eyes..I said nothing.
Then I turned around and said have a good life, and walked away.
As I walked away she said quietly - "I love you" (but she already had been saying I love you to me but she meant as a friend would say it. Which made me hurt more)

I walked out the door, and now a week later I am still in terrible shape and still wonder if I did the right thing.

My guess is that either she has fallen for another guy or she simply wants to live the single life because she is only 17. (Parties and Drugs/Alcohol and Crazy friends. Lets not forget flirting and dating.)
I asked her if I had scared her at all and she told me she honestly wasn't scared of commitment or anything. The ring was fine and all was good. She says she simply lost her feeling for me......but I just can't accept that..

Any thoughts?

[  Edited by Decius at   ]

This is no doubt a hard thing to go through, Episode 666 of your life is without a question the worst. Personaly, it seems to me your girl friend isnt sure of what she is. There is a famous psychologist named Eric Ericson, he said that during the stage of 12-18 or so you feel that you belong somewhere and you found your self, and your trying to find your self, or you feel confused and just a number. You said she was 17, im gussing she is trying to change and find who she really is in person. I had these kind of episodes of just what she did, a year ago, before I found my self. My advice is i know it burns, letting go and feeling lonley sucks. But try and interprit of what you should do. I personaly will say that I believe that it is still possible to once again, get in touch with her, and start dating again. Or you could maybe find another girlfriend if you really belief its over. To me it dosent seem that its ended.

Zach - does it matter whether she is confused or wanting to break up with you? If one is different from the other, would you act differently?

"Don't tell me there is only black and white."

I still don't know why she broke up with me, and I must come to understand that it won't change anything if I were to understand it. Although it might help me move on faster. I just keep telling myself she is gone and nothing I can say or do will change anything. I just hope someday I can find the intimacy I once had.

I have also come to realize that I feel completely purposeless after I lost her. She was my purpose, my hope, my lover, my bestfriend and my whole life. And she is gone. This void is much larger than I expected and I feel like quivering in this feeling of despair.

I need to find a purpose devoid of relying on other people before I ever consider loving again.

Am I the only one who feels completely devoid of a purpose?

Who am I? Why am I here? Who made me and what did they make me for? I feel alone.. help.

I know your feeling well, and from there I have basicly made a goal to break teh void, under a difforent agenda. Anything you believe the mind will achieve. So you must first start to believe you have a purpose, dont just sit around and be like I have no meaning why dont I kill my self. Your life will get better. You will find another chick sometime in your life. Give it time, and just believe there will be a better tomorw. For now, just simply believe you have a purpose. What to do, is something that your own mind will solve.

I have found hope, and that is what will pull me through all of this pain. Thank you.

the exact thing has happend to me, she is not sure wheather or not she still has the same feeling towards me that i do for her, i feel supprised, lost, hurt, and angry. what should i do? im totaly out of ideas. and to top it off it just started raining. who the hell did i piss off to get a day like this?

"life is like a book where you never know when its gonna end, you just keep reading."