Loss of Passion

Loss of Passion [+ favourites]

I remember when me and my girlfriend could talk for hours about anything. I remember when we flirted with each other and desperately tried to get one another’s attention. We were in love and almost inseparable. We would make out and there was never a boring minute when we were together…. Now unfortunately it has all changed. I have a hard time coming up with what to say, she doesn’t seem to care anyway. I’ll try to make her laugh, and then she’ll ignore it and just say “uhhhh okay, soooooo”. I can’t find the passion we once had, and its killing me. I would do anything to have it the way it was before. I think factor is that she's gotten to used to me? Or maybe I don't appeal to her anymore, and I can't remember what I did in the begining that made her enjoy my company. I really need you guy's help, please, thanks.

She was unhappy or annoyed with events or circumstances during your relationship and was either too afraid to tell you about them because either it would hurt you, you are stubborn, or she thought it would go away.

Either way, she now resents you and for reasons she probably has no idea about. She probably gets annoyed at things you say or do for no particular reason. This is because she has resentment towards you, doesn't know why, and vents those frustrations in illogical situations which is why you can't really see why she's like that.

"Hating everyone protects me from elitism."

sounds like she might be likeing someone else. So she's being boring or mean to you. its like she's trying to make the relationship suck cuz she doesn't have the guts to break up with u or maybe Im wrong, and something else is bothering her. I'de talk to her about it. Honesty is usually the best way to go, usually. Like 95%, or somehting...
But apart from that, maybe your doing something wrong. Maybe your being too much for her, like calling her amost everyday, or your always making the effort, or maybe this isn't the situation. Things are never perfect in a relationship, theirs always its ups and downs, but if u don't talk to her about it, you're making a big mistake since u care so much.

"Talk is cheap...acting... is....better... something like that."

Maybe she's just sick of the same thing. Like come one who doesn't get tired of doing the same things. I say mix it up a little man. Ask her for a three some. Tease her a little. But, if you do ask her for a three some I would ask her jokingly at first and then gauge her reaction and see if she's cool with it.

"I love to see people struggling for their purpose in life..."

Jones I think you've got it right about switching things up. However I wasn't talking about sexually...I think maybe she's too used to me being inside her reach. Maybe I'm too predictable and always act the same. So does anybody have any ideas on how I can switch things up (nothing that involves a penis or vagina)?

And my friend was telling me about something called "cocky and funny". Does anybody know what this is?

So #1. Ways to switch things up and avoid becoming boring,
# 2. Explain the "cocky and funny" thing to me.

Thanks again guys

You're on the wrong track.

You have to figure out what's wrong before figuring out what's right. Right now, you have not made any probable conclusions about what's wrong yet you're proposing solutions.

"Hating everyone protects me from elitism."

I think I know the problem...I've become boring and too predictable. Too "inreach", too "normal". Ten bucks says that she can guess what I can say, how I'm going to say it, when I'm going to say it, etc. I think being unpredictbale and interesting is what drew her to me in the first place. So I would really appreciate it if you guys could give me some ways to get back to being unpredictable and interesting again, and could somebody please explain how to be "cocky and funny" that my friend rants about all the damn time.

Thanks

Cocky + Funny = http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_DeAngelo

"Hating everyone protects me from elitism."

relationships start out passionate...then there is the middle bit where passion dies down into either nothing..or becoming something deeper...companionship love. Most people don't experience full passion right through the entirety of their relationship. Your lady sounds like she has gotten to know you as mentioned in previous postings..but that doesn't mean all is lost. You sound like your doing all the right things to keep the relationship alive..just be yourself...she'll either come around..or she won't. Are you planning on changing and adding "spice" every couple of months..if so mate you've got more stamina than me! Shouldn't she like you for who you are? We are all interesting and fun (novel) in the beginning.....part of a mature lasting relationship is getting to know one another on a deeper level (even to the point of being somewhat predictable)..and loving each other all the more for it.

Harper you're a fucking genious dude. You're post has inspired me and given me hope. I really want this relationship to work out for a long run, and you've given me a view of that happening. I still would like to "spice" things up just for pure entertainment maybe even on my part. So yeah any ideas would be greatly apprieciatted. But yeah thanks for all the advice you guys have given me so far, God Bless Captain Cynic!

Heya Poser,

I have been through many relationships myself lasting more or less 3+ years or more. I definetly know what you are talking about, and being a girl have been on the other end where if I walk into a restaurant with my boyfriend, I would go through the activity of "non-speech". I have to say that there are a few tips I can lend you to 'spice' things up. 1) Take a class together (that would give you new topics to talk about, and or explore different sides of each other. 2) Take time apart and spend more time with your individual friends ( when you come back together, you'll have time to miss each other and talk about your life; more to the point you'll experience what you both did at the beginning... the thrill of seeing each other and the anticipation of being intimate 3) Don't have high expecations of each other on having fun. If you think too much about it, you'll force things and disappoint yourself. Let fun come to you naturally. And, don't forget that it's natural to not feel passionate anymore as it was from the beginning, but it doesn't mean that it's the end of a relationship. It just means it's a new chapter begins and you find new things to be excited about. Think of it on the same lines as your friendships with your good friends. You always find something new to appreciate about each other, so why shouldn't the same rule apply to your girl, right? Being intimate doesn't mean following the same routine or pattern all the time, but it does mean to communicate and empathesize from getting a week together to getting 10min a day. Just experiment with different times in seeing her, or different exposure times, and spend time with yourself. Either way, change and stimulation always brings adaptation, and excitment. Hope that helps.

"Don't tell me there is only black and white."

i know where u are coming from, i've had the same gf for 2 1/2 years so as expected there isnt the same mad excitement at seeing each other every time we do, its gotten to the point where we expect to see each other regularly and get annoyed if we don't. we also have got to the point where we dont always have anyhting to talk about, or if we do it usually degrades into a petty arguement about some part of our relationship, like each other timekeeping or the fact that we dont get to see each other due to each others commitments at that time. but we managed to get past it, and get the arguements back into a civilised conversation and come to some sort of idea what we could do to change things. one of the main things we noted was that we tended to see each other alone at one or others house. we knew we were doing it before, but it started becoming more noticable over the summer when we weren't around other people as a couple as well. we needed to see each other, but we also needed other people to give us some other topics of conversation, so we talked to each other and a third party. we also decided we needed to do something, like take time out to go out for dinner or some activity not confined to our own homes, otherwise we spent all our time together lounging around making small talk, whereas if we did something else we could at least talk about what we were doing or not feel the need to talk constantly as our minds would be otherwise occupied.

i agree with harper though, people do get predictable, but that shouldnt put you off them. i know almost precisely what my gf will say or do in certain situations but i love her to bits for it, its almost fun now to say things that i know will provoke a reaction, and have become almost an in joke.

"So Schrodinger's Cat is not only neither dead nor alive, but might also be sexually aroused by elbows and peanut butter?"