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Long story, but it pertains to the thread so I thought I would post it here. Sleep has always been a problem for me, in more than a few ways. I wouldn't wish what I have been through at night on the most hateful person on earth. I haven't slept well since I was very, very young, maybe 4 or 5 years old. At that age, I started having Rolandic spikes (a childhood Epilepsy disorder). If you have ever had a seizure you know just how frightening they are, and as a child having them three to four times a week was quite a test of strength. I convinced myself that I was having nightmares because I had no idea what else to call them. Then one night I fell asleep in the movie theater with my mother, and she witnessed me having a seizure. I was medicated for Epilepsy from age 6 to age 12. Luckily, Rolandic seizures end at the onset of puberty. I was very lucky, but the anxiety about having a seizure lingered on throughout my school days. This anxiety and a combination of classic ADHD became quite a problem in high school. I began only waking up briefly during the night, and eventually that became hourly. Around my junior year of high school I was getting less than three hours a night, and still functioning. I started staying up later because I decided that going to sleep only to wake up constantly was a complete waste of time (big mistake). Soon enough I found myself unable to sleep, period. A single night of no sleep started turning into two and three. This is when the craziness began. Hallucinations. Keep in mind, I am no angel. If anyone has been keeping track of my threads, I was (still in some aspects) involved with a particularly risky group of partiers in high school. My curious nature lead me into some nasty habits. At first it was all fun and games, until I started having frequent panic-attacks. I realized how risky the bad habits were, given my past Epileptic experience, so that part of my life was out the window quickly. Then on an ordinary night of zero sleep, I had an insomnia induced panic-attack, including hallucinations. I finally went to a doctor about it. Oddly enough, he prescribed me Adderall. I thought that he was crazy because I knew kids who took Adderall and stayed up as much as I did. Luckily, Adderall actually worked for me. More focus, less anxiety, and full nights of sleep. I do worry about the affects of all of this, including the Adderall, but for now I feel a lot healthier.
"In the beginning, night was memory was water, and in the cool aquamarine depths dreams swam freely."
[ Edited by mindfields19 at
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