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A Short Story By Awakendwraith

User Thread
 32yrs • M
A CTL of 1 means that awakendwraith is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
A Short Story By Awakendwraith
im writing a short story.
this is what i have so far.

Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there was a boy who lived in a house. And in this house there was a window. Through this window he could see the world and everyone in it. Or that's what he believed anyway. He didn't honestly know if it was the world and everything in it because he never left his house. From the time he was born to the time this story takes place, he never left his house. Not even one time. In the boys young ages he saw how everybody was judgmental of everybody else. And during this time of his life he said to himself 'If I could go outside, through this window, through this wretched looking glass, this looking glass that shows me the world yet does not permit me to take part in it...' And the boy would always finish with a judgment on someone or something. The boy always thought that he was right, and that other people were only getting in his way. He thought that certain things were undeniably wrong, and that certain things were undeniably right. But when the boy grew older he realized that he didn't actually know anything. The only things that he knew was that the looking glass showed him something. And that was all. He was not sure what it was, he was not sure of anything. The boy admitted to himself, truly and willfully, that he was ignorant in every way. And with this admittance of his ignorance he felt that was his first step to not being the child he most definitely did not enjoy being.
For years the little boy tried to find a way to go out into the world. He tried to find a door that led outside into the world.

im finishing it

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"Why cry for those that often cry? Instead, help them smile, and smile for those that smile."
[  Edited by awakendwraith at   ]
 31yrs • F •
A CTL of 1 means that spiderz is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
i think itz one of those things dat sounds cool and actually touches a few ppl and makes them think.... but i dnt think it'll b gud book. then agen every1 laughed at the dude who discovered electromagnetism. so go 4 it, and do bother askin wat we'll think coz it'll probz piss u off. i wud not read it. but who givs a fuck bout lil ol me anyway.

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"There is a thin line between bravery and stupidity"
 32yrs • M
A CTL of 1 means that awakendwraith is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there was a boy who lived in a house. In this house the boy lived alone. And in this house there was a window. Through this window he could see the world and everyone in it. Or that's what he believed anyway. He didn't honestly know if it was the world and everything in it because he never left his house. From the time he was born to the time this story takes place, he never left his house. Not even one time. In the boys young ages he saw how everybody was judgmental of everybody else. And during this time of his life he said to himself 'If I could go outside, through this window, through this wretched looking glass, this looking glass that shows me the world yet does not permit me to take part in it...' And the boy would always finish with a judgment on someone or something. The boy always thought that he was right, and that other people were only getting in his way. He thought that certain things were undeniably wrong, and that certain things were undeniably right. But when the boy grew older he realized that he didn't actually know anything. The only things that he knew was that the looking glass showed him something. And that was all. He was not sure what it was, he was not sure of anything. The boy admitted to himself, truly and willfully, that he was ignorant in every way. And with this admittance of his ignorance he felt that was his first step to not being the child he most definitely did not enjoy being.
For years the little boy tried to find a way to go out into the world. He tried to find a door that led outside into the world. He tried to find a way to get through the window. He tried many things. He even thought that the things he saw in the window were not actually real. That the window was merely something to look at and nothing more. Many times his faith was shaken and many times he over came it. But eventually he started to think, 'Why bother?' and the boy thought on this for a long time. He thought long and hard. He thought, 'What is the point of my existence? Why am I here? Why am I capable of thinking? How did I get here? Why does it matter that there is anything out there? Why should I care? Why am I not ok with simply watching?' The boy eventually came to the conclusion that it was what he wanted. At first he thought he was okay with wanting something he couldn't have because he thought that it was just the way his life was. That he was not supposed to have things he wanted and that he was not supposed to be happy. Because not being able to be part of the world most definetly did make him sad. And at first this thought comforted him. He became accepting of the pain. He hated it. And one night the boy thought to himself, 'I do not like this pain. I do not like that I have become acustumed to it. I am angry that I do not have what I want. And I am okay with that.'
All of the boys comfort was instantly replaced with hatred and anger and envy of those on the other side of his window.
It had been a very long time since the boy began to question. He had fallen asleep one thousand three hundred and ninety four times since then. This whole time going through an endless circle of hope, acceptance, and anger. The boy was on the verge of breaking. His spirit had almost taken more than it could.
Then just when he was at his lowest ever, when was started contemplating his own un-existence, something extraordinary happened. On a night like many others, a night with the smell of rain in the air, the boy woke up to the sound of a shattering crash. He turned the lamp on next to his bed and looked around the house. Finally he found his way to the room with the window, the one he could see the world from, and it was no longer a window that you could see out of, it was a window that he could climb out of. It had been broken. It looked as if something had been thrown threw it. He searched the room with the window and found a stone with a letter attached to it. The letter read:
'To the boy,
Hello boy. I am the one who decides what is nature. And I have decided that you are ready to find your own 'self' and I have decided that it is in your nature that you follow a certain path. I shall now set you loose on this path with no one to guide you. Your path is not an easy one, but when you reach the end, it will be worth every hardship you have faced and every hardship you are about to face. I wish you the best of luck. Goodbye.
Nature
The boy was awestruck at this. But with out a second thought the boy climbed out of his window and found him self outside.
The boy found himself. He found his 'self.' Through many years of hardship and hurt. In the end, the boy found true happiness. And lived happily ever after.

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"Why cry for those that often cry? Instead, help them smile, and smile for those that smile."
 32yrs • M
A CTL of 1 means that awakendwraith is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
there are some things that i wanted in there that i left out.
like at first i had an inscription on the foot of his bed that had five rules the he should live his life by, but i couldnt think of 5, or any for that matter. i could think of some, im going to start a thread on that... anywho. and like.. i was going to exlpain where his family went, why he didnt have any and all that good stuff, but i didnt think it was nececcary.
thats what i would put in the novel.

i would put his "childhood" and all the stuff he did.
i would eplain the house he lived in. because the back story as that the house was a huge world all in itself, but i thought that would have taken too long and she said that she wanted it to be around two pages so thats all i put. but there is a lot of stuff that just wasnt nececcary for the shory.

and of course all that would only be the first part, the next part would be about his life in the worl.
he would go on all kinds of adventures.
he would meet people like "trust" "lies" temptation" and junk like that. of course he would meet real people too, but i think you get the point..

so.. any thoughts? suggestions? i really like this.

and thanks spiderz, i aprreciate the comments.

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"Why cry for those that often cry? Instead, help them smile, and smile for those that smile."
 33yrs • F •
A CTL of 1 means that mindfields19 is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Yo..

Interesting concept here. I am a huge fan of short prose.. Authors who are talented enough to tell a story with a supported theme in a short format while equally displaying the story eloquently truly amaze me. I have to be honest with you awakendwraith, (and I AM under the impression that this draft is the result of brainstorming your concept), I am not too fond of how you are brandishing the ideas here. I am reading a ton of cliché-ish phrases, along with few ideas to prove what I am assuming is the point of the story. There is indeed an imaginative base here, but it could be a bit more witty.

It is always a good idea to play around with your topic symbolically. Depending on the type of reader you are targeting, there could be a more clever and not so to-the-point way of displaying themes. That doesn't mean the reader should have to sift through your work with a shovel either.. Have you ever read Hawthorne? He was renowned for his use of symbolism in short stories and novels.

Keep working this around, the concept is kinda cool. I hope that helped!

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"In the beginning, night was memory was water, and in the cool aquamarine depths dreams swam freely."
 32yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Jacker_Jones is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
I think you're bringing to many things to the table. You have too many ideas and are constantly jumping around. Expand on one idea then move on to another or better yet just write about one.

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"I love to see people struggling for their purpose in life..."
 32yrs • F •
A CTL of 1 means that takemeseriously is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
I agree with Jacker_Jones. The topics you're discussing beg for detail and explination and a storybook medium demands simplification, so you have conflict right there. I don't think you can squeeze this into two pages. As for the teacher, don't let someone set artistic boundaries for you with how many pages it has to be because that's bullshit. Write however much or little you want with no predetermined page number. Your idea of using "Trust" and "Lies" as people the boy meet would turn the story into an allegory and make it very preachy (even preachier than it already is). Also, if you make it an allegory like that, then it's gonna sound like a big non-Christian rip-off of Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyan.

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"If home is where the heart is, then I got evicted this week (Johnny Hobo and the Freight Trains)"
 38yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that ITISASISEEIT is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Dream Machine

In a time not far from now in a place not far from here a man is sitting alone pondering his life. He is discontent and feels he has not been given a fair hand and feels anger and envy. One night before he goes to sleep he prays that his life is changed and that from the very next day it improves. That night he dreams. In the dream a genius scientist gives him an offer. He explains that he has created a machine that will give the guy a perfect life he can choose exactly what he wants so he can live the life of his dreams. When inside the machine his body and neurons are connected to an intricate device that transports him to this magical world. On hearing this offer the guy is puzzled because it is exactly what he wanted but for some reason he cannot make a decision easily. He feels that although a life of pleasure is what he wants, on the contrary he does not want to live a life that is not real. The scientist says he has until tomorrow night to make a choice otherwise he will never have such an offer again.

The next day the man awakes with the scientists words echoing in his mind. He looks out of his window and it is raining. It is Monday and he has to visit his local job centre. He leaves his house and it is freezing cold. The wind is strong and his hands are numb. He has a cold. He misses his bus and so has to walk. When he gets there the staff are hurried and sign him off quickly. He leaves and waits at the bus stop. He looks up at the sky and sees a chink in the clouds and a beam of light shining down. He reminisces about his dream.

A nice car, warm weather all the time, money, unlimited amounts of money, girls, beautiful girls, a mansion, a yacht. That night he falls asleep and meets the scientist. He asks to be connected to the machine. He walks into the machine. it is so bright it silhouettes his body. He closes the door behind him and never looks back. He wakes up and lives a wonderful life never remembering his dream or his previous life.

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"Great visions often start with small dreams"
[  Edited by ITISASISEEIT at   ]
 32yrs • M
A CTL of 1 means that awakendwraith is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
..hmm. i didnt even know that there was anything else like this. original thought is so hard.

Well, I like preaching. I'm good at it.

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"Why cry for those that often cry? Instead, help them smile, and smile for those that smile."
 31yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Angel Of Death is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
hmm, I havn't really read short stories etc like the these, quite interesting, you have a pretty good idea awaikendwraith, I liked it prob becuz I liked the concept etc. But ofcourse you can explain your points a bit more, you can just take things and metphors from real life as you have done with the rest. Really this could turn out quite nicely, like a sort of parody or life or something, you could for examply make fun of how we are all restricted by religion by the 5 commanments thing(like only these set of commandments are real, not have sex, if you go outside the house you will disgress from the 'teachings of the piece of paper' etc).
I think you should try to show not only the limitations the boy placed on himself from not going outside, but the restrictions that other people placed on him as well, restrictions that prevented the boy from realizing the Truth, from realizing there is a lot more to this world than meets the eye.

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"I'll heal ur woundz I'll set u free, I m jesus christ on xtacy"
 39yrs • M •
riwish8 is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
i think i have few tips for u if u want to improve ur story.i will take the example of a literary work by a fomous arab philosopher called ibn tofayl his work is called HAY IBN YAKDAN.it is from this work that defoe had his famous novel crusoe also tarzan is an imitation of HAY IBN YAKDAN.the arab author had many concepts in philosophy medicine geology...through his novel he presented all his concepts in an amazing way.i hope i was helpful.........the last thing don t waste ur time reading new literary works now adays authors and poets are very very stupid they have nothing to give u.............classics are the answer that s what T S ELIOT ( the erudite scholar) said.

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"disbelief,cowardness,'bullyism',stupidit y are the obvious characteristics of the modern man"
 39yrs • M •
riwish8 is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
u must form your own vision about the most fundamental things in life...religion,death,personal relationships...and ur vision must be solid.this (does not mean that it must not change but it can improve) and if u want to achieve this u must know..........books+lonliness+travelling

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"disbelief,cowardness,'bullyism',stupidit y are the obvious characteristics of the modern man"
A Short Story By Awakendwraith
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