Question for the Ladies (guys too)

Question for the Ladies (guys too) [+ favourites]

At what point does a guy friend become ‘hands off’? I’ve noticed that after a certain point in a friendship, a lot of girls seem to become too emotionally invested to move on any attraction they might feel (out of fear of ruining the friendship, I guess). Whereas most guys (admit it) view any moving female as open season at any time, even if their higher functions stop them from doing anything about it. I guess my question is, if a girl is friends with you and not necessarily unattracted, what are the warning signs that the relationship is approaching the point of no return? It can be very difficult to get out of that ‘just friends’ designator. I know that doesn’t mean the window of opportunity is shut and locked, but I’d rather not have to try and jimmy it open!

Situations like this are also very difficult for me because I’ve been burned a few times in the past, so now I always try to get to know the girl before I act on my feelings. I would greatly appreciate any advice.

""If a man takes no thought about what is distant, he will find sorrow near at hand." --Confucius"

There is no such "point". A majority of girls that have guy friends have the potential of being attracted to them, however the reason they don't is because then they would become vulnerable to the guy and lose control.

Most guys find themselves attracted to the "friends" they have that are girls, especially at a younger age (< 30).

See, you gotta realize, a lot of girls can live pretty happily simply being wanted by lots of guys without actually ever giving into it.

Guys aren't like that. They want somehting out of it. Most guys don't get very satisfied just because a lot of girls like them... it may be an ego booster but not satisfying. I know girls that don't EVER fuck around (like upwards of five years) but constantly flirt and keep their guy friends hooked on.

So basically, if you like a girl, don't be insecure enough not to tell her. The chances are, if you are insecure, it's because you already know she doesn't see you that way because she is the exact kind of girl that just likes having guys like her... in which case you were fucked to begin with.

"Hating everyone protects me from elitism."

its extremely circumstantial. i think really the only time you would find a "point of no return" is if the woman has found somebody else. if she views you as a friend and only a friend, attempting a transition in to a relationship is very risky business. my best advice is that you keep female "friends" just as they are. starting a relationship with the intention of being more than just friends is a hell of a lot easier.

i am in the same boat as you. i have been burned and as a result like to be very cautious in the beginning. there are ways to make your intentions clear and still be cautious though.

with all that said, ill tell you something. as long as you take things slow enough you can be with just about anyone. if you slowly start behaving differently she will notice. it is such a fragile process that again i dont recommend at all. if you push to fast she will get very creeped out and possibly never speak to you again. but if you go very very slowly and communicate on a deep solid level you can expect to at least have a shot at something more than just a friendship. i managed to pull it off with a long time, very close friend of mine, but i honestly dont know how i got so lucky. we talked a lot before taking any steps. i did all kinds of little things to show how much i cared. it was a very tedious process to be honest. i can say with full confidence that it was worth it though.

"UNIX is an operating system, OS/2 is half an operating system, Windows is a shell, and DOS is a boot partition virus. ~Peter H. Coffin"

i dont know...as a girl....there is a point where a guy becomes a good friend and thats it.....one of my best friends is a male, and he is very good looking, he's even my "type" but i could never even imagine being with him like that....we're just to good of friends, it would be awkward and feel creepy, sort of like making out with my brother...the best i can tell you is to let her know your interested...if she wants to go there with the relationship she'll let you know....i mean, you can usually tell if someone is interested in more than a friendship

"we are the music makers, and we, are the dreamers of dreams"