Help Please!

Help Please! [+ favourites]

. Here is my problem. I am a 23 year old male
and have gotten a job teaching English in Japan. One
of the requirements of the job is that I must teach
children english as well. They range from 3 to 14
years of age. I have never worked with kids before,
and have never had any feelings for them one way or
another. But on two or three occasions when I was
playing with the kids, mainly a girl, I became
slightly aroused. Now, I was not entirely aroused, and
did not feel sexual feelings, but the arousal has made
me very nervous. i would never act on any urges if any
came up, and I have tried to see if I was sexually
actracted to the girls by closing my eyes when I was
aroused by adult female images, and the arousal I felt
for the adults went away when I thought of the
children, and I was no longer aroused.
The one thing I have noticed is that the Japanese
children are very cute, not in a sexual way, but they
are much more adorable than Western children, or so I
think. All of them, especialy the girls, look like
angels.
Again, this only happened two or three times, and I
was only slightly aroused, mainly when I was playing
with them and they were touching my leg, which I
quickly put a stop to. When I see the kids, again, I
have no sexual urges, and when I closed my eyes and
thought about them my arousal went away.
On one occasion I was holding one of the children by
her feet upside down and her shirt came up slightly,
but I did not look at her body or have images, I only
worried that I might drop her and hurt her. If I was a
pedophille wouldn't I have looked or became very
aroused?
is there something wrong with me? Please help me,
because I am finding these feelings to be quite
depressing.

There's nothing wrong with that. I could sometimes be thinking of floor tiles and still get a boner. And, to be frank, although I wouldn't call it arousal, this occasionally happens to me. I mean, the body can't tell the difference between body contact when you're playing with an 8 year old or being caressed by a woman.

The fact you've admitted to yourself and others that this happens and that you feel nervous about it makes me think you're completely safe.

"Durch Nacht und Blut das Licht"

It is likely their innocence that attracts you to them, if even not in a sexual way. It is apparent by your words that you would not want to ever hurt any of them, but your attraction to them, whatever it might be, is not a safe way to be because it is confusing.

I'd say this happens when you don't have many women in your life, and are just craving that emotional love or connection with a female presence.

I have felt this in the past, but it went away as I matured a bit. It's a confusing sort of feeling, because as you stated, you are reacting naturally but still mentally are aware that it is not correct because no matter how innocent those little angels are, they aren't looking at you in any way except as a father figure.

So, to help you, I would suggest attempting to the best of your ability to acknowledge the relationship a daughter has with her father, or a child and their parents. This is how these girls look at you and react with you, and I think if you fully are able to empathize with this fact, your feelings will automatically divert to a more appropriate target.

The problem is that the human soul craves affection, and you are finding this affection in the innocence of children. The problem is that the type of affection they are trying to give you is not the type of affection you are seeking out of them, and your perception is skewed, no matter how good it may feel.

It is important to force yourself not to give into the needs of loneliness or emotional pain and use the children for that fulfillment, even if you are passive about it. Entertaining such thoughts in any way will definitely increase the propagation of such arousals and you will find yourself being more and more repulsed by your own natural reactions.

This is a point where you must condition yourself away from a vice that may, if left unchecked, build in an incredibly destructive way.

"Hating everyone protects me from elitism."

It's a Freudian psychology, like they've already mentioned, this is actually quite normal and you are in fear because society has been taught to condemnn the very things that are natural. You just don't openly admit it, or else it's considered shocking - although I could guarantee to you the people who find it shocking and react, do so because they are hiding the same thing.

You're upset by it, and that makes it healthy and nothing to be worried about. It is something in you that is lacking, like Decius mentioned, an affection or bond that you are needing and find in children because they are the last souls before adulthood that are pure and good. Now the next step is to tackle that, at the age of 23 - you have a career, you are stable, but are there things in your life that you are lacking? Stable relationships, perhaps you feel you are emotionally ready to be in a commitment to someone and you are frustrated because no one has come along.

Factors, factors.
A very important issue of both sociology and psychology - it's interesting to see it that way.

"Milk, almonds and pistachios."