when i feel lost i remind myself that i live in an ignorant place. i'm supposed to be lost... - spankster501
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User Thread
 51yrs • F •
foolinlove is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
I am in love with a man who says he wants to spend his life with me. He is a wonderful partner in all respects, except one. He is creative, attentive, thoughtful, loving, and says he is devoted. We were talking about living together, babies, marriage, and are deeply in love. We have a distance relationship, talk daily, but see each other once a month at least. The distance is hard for him. I found out last week (found evidence) that he cheated on me. He lied initially, then disclosed a few days ago. A fling 3 weeks ago...I knew something was up, had called and he said he was on teh way home. Between calls he had sex with someone else. He came home and accused me of being too suspicious, of not trusting him. He lied about it seeing her at all that night. Now he professes love again, and wants Us to get past it and move on. My trust is shattered and heart broken. What should I do. The lying is as hurtful as the cheating. For those giving advice. We were in an open relationship off and on. It was open at the time but we had an agreement that we would only be with other people that both of us were comfortable with, and no delayed disclosures. We were always to tell each other everything as promptly as possible, not days or weeks later. He closed the relationship shortly after he cheated. So, it is complicated. A distance open relationship where we fell in love. He says it was wrong, bad judgment, will not happen again. But he has cheated on others in the past. He says it is time for him to stop, that he truly loves me and does not want to hurt me. He says he told the woman right away (after sex) it was wrong and shouldnt have happened. What should I do.....Is his lying forgiveable........How can I rebuild trust....what should I do

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[  Edited by foolinlove at   ]
 51yrs • F •
foolinlove is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
I should add that I love him still. I want to work things out. I could forgive and forget if I knew it would not happen again. But how can I ever trust him when he says he loves me, yet has the capacity to lie and be so inconsiderate of my feelings. He knew that I did not approve of this woman chasing him. We had a highly structured open relationship where we approved others that we had sex with. He broke the rules of the open relationship, then cheated by lying about what and whom he had done. He began lying that night, and persisted through about two versions of the truth until his final (hopefully honest) disclosure. It took three days to find out the truth after I started asking questions. How can people lie to the ones they love........

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 37yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Vortex271 is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
As a teen speaking, work it out. Don't keep all your feelings bottled up or sooner or later, boom....that's alll, folks. Just be honest, and hopefully, if he knows what's good for him, he'll listen. If he doesn't, move on, no matter how hard it is.

As for people lying to the ones they love, I honestly don't know...

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""As I sit before the fire, I wonder how many before myself have been burned.'"
 39yrs • F •
kcpuck is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.

i'll be honest and say i've never been in your shoes. but i can give you the opposite perspective. i just cheated on the person i love most in the whole world, and i would do anything to prove to her that i regret it, and that i never faked anything with her. this just happened, so she is still in a rage, we email back and forth sporadically throughout the day. i'm trying hard to be honest and patient, but it is absolutely killing me that i have hurt her this much. i'm dying for another chance. i just want to applaud you for considering it. ultimately, it's a decision that are going to have to make for yourself, but i think if you hear him out, and both of you step back and really look at your relationship and figure out the hard truth of it, you'll know. i read recently that (paraphrased) "not trying it again is like buying high and selling low. work through it, make it as good as you can, and if it's not good enouigh, then move on." i think that makes alot of sense. for both of you.

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 36yrs • F •
A CTL of 1 means that Astarte is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
That is definitely not going to work.
Guys are assholes for the most part, the more time you invest worrying about trusting him again, the more time you waste in your own endeavors and ambitions - this isn't real love, you should know that. The more time you waste with this dude, the more opportunities of better souls are going to just walk right on by.

So ditch it.
I'm serious.
He fucked up, that's all there is to it.

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"Milk, almonds and pistachios."
 60yrs • F •
A CTL of 1 means that Lady Tazmanian is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Dump his ass.

Okay, maybe that was too harsh.

You say he's this wonderful person, but would he be that wonderful if it wasn't a long distant relationship?

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