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How Do I Tell Him I Need A Break?

User Thread
 36yrs • F •
Kind_heart is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
How Do I Tell Him I Need A Break?
Hi girls! {and guys too!}
I just wanted to say hi to everyone and see that everyone is doing okay. Secondly, I would like to get some advice from all of you here. Okay so like I had talked about awhile back being that I'm a virgin all my boyfriend's previous sexual experiences have made me very insecure to the point that I've thought he should be better off with a girl who could put out. I say this b/c I feel like a bad GF for not having sex with him like he did with his previous gfs. He's never pressured me or compared me and respects my decision. So you can probably understand my frustration about why I'm insecure. So I wanted to know how to bring up the subject of maybe taking a break from the relationship.

Now the tricky thing is, is that I've never really told him my fears so I don't know how he'll react to my reasons which are that I need time to get myself together. While we are on this break, I would like him to date others. I know sounds crazy, but I figure it's better than him waiting for me.

Any ideas, advice? I've been crying about this lately but I know I have to get out and clear my head for awhile.

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""Use no way as a way, and no limitations as your limitation"--Bruce Lee"
 36yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Wyote is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
wouldnt it be better if he was there by your side during this transition... i guess i really shouldnt be trying to answer this because i dont believe in "breaks" ... either you can stick it out with your partner or there is some sort of problem and you just need to move on... but thats just me.

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"A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge. - Thomas Carlyle"
 33yrs • M •
dragon slayre is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
If you tell him that you need a "break" where he sees other people, this will basically ruin your relationship alltogether I would think.
Talk to him about it, problems don't go away on their own, and sometimes having someone to reflect back to you is better than you trying to work things out on your own.
Relationships are based on communication, without communication, your relationship will definitely fail. See how he feels about it all instead of guessing. Comprimise to a certain extent, and work out your problem with him, not by yourself.

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"You wouldn't exist without me -myself"
 76yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that squatteam is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
There are times in all of our lives where sex isn't possible. If women were to say to men, "hey, take a break - go out and get laid - then we'll pick it up later" there are, unfortunately, some men that would jump at the chance. And there are men who love their partner and would choose to go through the time together. You are setting yourself up to be a perpetual victim of male philandering.

The other thing I see from your post is that you'd give this person up because you won't have sex with him. You are using sex as an excuse. Sex is NOT proof of love. You don't love this guy or this post would never have even entered your mind. You need to go out and find someone you are comfortable with and STOP underestimating yourself. If this guy is really not doing ANYTHING to pressure you into sex (like constantly referring to previous gf's and sexual encounters - probably mostly fictional anyway) why are you so eager to set him free so he can find someone that 'puts out'? Sounds like a flimsy excuse to get rid of the guy. If you even consider it, it is doomed. Time to start over, but this time be totally honest with yourself.

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"Popular dissidents are merely pacifiers given to us by the Government to keep us in line and thinking someone is making a ruckuss."
 33yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that protege is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
I agree with squatteam. Sex is not love. It is an expression of love; a menner of being closer to someone (or simply detached pleasure, for those who enjoy that sort of thing).

A "break" does not usually mean "temporary parting", it means "go our separate ways". I you want a break, in the former sense, I don't suggest telling him you want a "break". If, as squatteam discerned, you don't truly want to be with him, TELL HIM. dead end relationships hurt all involved.

Or you could have sex with him anyway and prove to yourself that you "love" him, therefore solidifying my belief that all people are stupid sex-monkeys, and bask in the fact that television was right, and sex is love, and when people have sex, they must love one another.

Or not...

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""In the beginning, Man created God""
 36yrs • F •
A CTL of 1 means that DitzyBlonde is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
It's a very good thing that you didn't put out and, ya don't ever say to a guy "let's take a break and hook up later" If you are the type of girl that's wanting to wait until marriage or to fall in love go for it. Don't change your values over someone who only wants you for your body... I have gone through this situation many times and because, of this I still don't have a boyfriend yet. But that is because I am finding the wrong guy's in the wrong places. I am a virgin myself I don't ever let a guy try to make me do it with them. They get mad at me and will ask me later on if they can date me or another girl at the same time or half of the time they will ignore me when we hang out... Anyways don't change your personality over some guy stick to your values and, find a guy who also has the same values as you do. I am I used to let my friends tell me what to do and, what to say all that type of thing when I was young and when I was dating. But do your own thing save yourself for a special guy you will end up falling in love with a guy one day or wanting to wait until you get married. Just remember not to let any guy try to force you into not doing something you don't want to do. Let this guy find a girl to put out because, this guy sounds like he doesn't respect your values or respect who you are and is just trying to get down your pants. "Some" guy's are jerks but, some are not you'll find the right guy some day... : 0 )

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"Don\'t judge a book by it\'s cover : 0 )"
 32yrs • F •
crazychelsea is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
i don't know what top say but i have a problem of my own.......i have a boyfriend that i've been witih for two years now and i no longer want to be. I am so mean to him and i have been for so long now that i can't be nice to him. I just don't know how to. when i met him he lived with his mom...no big deal b/c he was only 18 at the time and he had a car and a job and a nice bank account.....and now he doesn't have a car, or a job and he is lazy. I am lazy too, but he is 20 years old and i am so sick and tired of seeing him continue to be a loser. I want to break up with him so bad but i don't know what to do.. He loves me and i love him but it just isnt working. I have tried to break up with him b4 but then he cries and tells me how hes gonna change and he never does. I need to find the right words to break up with him..i have given him too many chances to straighten up himself and he never does . i don't know what to do anymore...please email me ar punkcityprincess@yahoo.com if u have any advice....lol

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"crazy shouldnt meet crazy"
 33yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Angelfire is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
He sounds like a waste of time, at least until he shapes himself up. Honestly tell him you like him but he isn't trying hard enough. Tell him that you're through with his laziness and don't want to see him anymore (and avoid him!).

If you don't find anyone else within the next few months you might want to catch up withhim, if he is still lazy, forget him. That's what I would do anyway.

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"Durch Nacht und Blut das Licht"
 31yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Dj BrEaK AwAy is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.

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"live long live free"
How Do I Tell Him I Need A Break?
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