The empty space between us is a canvas of uncertainty and each kiss paints the portait of love. - Candace Abreu
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suicide with heartbreak?

User Thread
 33yrs • F •
totalconfusion is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
suicide with heartbreak?
so.. my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years tells me yesterday that it isnt working and he's tired of being locked down. He wants to know what the single life feels like again.. he doesnt even remember how it feels to have to a ball and chain he says.. he has soo much stuff goin on a job, he works everyday till 7 or 8 then he plays softball 3 nights a week and then the other couple of night he either stays at the firestation (he's tryin to get a job there) or wanting to go out with his friends.. and where do i come in? so i bitch because we dont spend time together and i have nothing.. so i want to spend all my time with him.. i sit around and just wait.. i gave up everything i had for him.. cheerleading, ALL my friends.. he said he tried to give me the world and all i did was bitch.. he said he could find someone that could treat him better than i did.. that makes me sick and want to die.. but he did all this breaking up stuff the day i got out of the hospital.. he has bad timing.. basically i love him more than anything in this world and ive realized i messed up but i think its too late and i cant make the pain go away.. i have nothing to do to take my mind off of him.. i ran all my friends off.. i feel like the only thing i can do is maybe have a deadly car crash by his firestation and let him see me like that.. it would make me feel better and quit hurtin and him loose all the worry...he said he still loves me he just thinks we came to the point where it wont work anymore.. he was perfect, beautiful, nothing about him wasnt great.. i dont know what to do.. im going crazy without him, after 3 1/2 years all i know is me and him, he was to a point where he talked ab gettin married.. this is so surreal to me and i cant stand it knowin im miserable and he's not.. that selfish but i cant help it.. can someone help me PLEASE

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"everything happens for a reason"
 34yrs • F •
A CTL of 1 means that [MiA] is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
no but you can help yourself
suicide isn't gonna help you, you'll just die
i mean it might seem like a good idea right now, when you're really hurt, but with some time you'll be able to deal with what happened, and who knows, if he really loves you he'll probably realize that he can't live without you and he wants you back. if not, then he probably never loved you at all ....

so, try to deal with it, spend more time with family and friends, they'll help

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"The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care .... right ?"
 44yrs • F •
A CTL of 1 means that pv_emerald14 is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Along with everything that mia said, look at the little quote you have at the end of your postings.

"everything happens for a reason"


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""Live life to the fullest!""
 36yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Wyote is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
just move on, people need to do their own thing sometimes. youre to young to be thinkin about marriage anyway. let him do his thing and everything will work itself out.

oh yea, and if you die, you wont get to see how he feels about anything after that.

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"A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge. - Thomas Carlyle"
 38yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that silhouettedevil is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
I was once in this phase...don't even think about suicide, its not a good way out of anything. It's gonna burn your heart and soul alot in the coming days, months, possibly even years...I can only tell ya that time 'heals' everything...if ya are having troubles, do what Evilla told me to do...take a Deep Breath....let the energies of the air cool your broken heart. As others will also tell you, there are other fish in the sea. Mayhaps this just wasn't to be yet. You are young, and have yet to experience alot of the world. Hell, I'm 22, and I've still got alot of stuff I wanna do, places and people I wanna see. But absolutely positively DO NOT think of suicide. There are way too many people out there that DO care for you to see you hurt and if your gone...what would they think...its just a bad thought...I once wanted to commit to suicide...I am over that now...And I've had some pretty close calls...but guess what, I'm still here. Don't end up giving in, Survive, you'll be stronger and better than ever. On a similar note, I'm there for ya, even if ya don't know half of us here, we are there to help.

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"Everyone leaves. In the End. Everything Dies. In the End. It doesn't matter how hard you hold on. "Mortiis-Everyone Leaves""
 76yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that squatteam is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
From a male's perspective, I have done a lot of stupid things in my life - the majority of which had to do with my own stupidity when it came to women. I look way back and am actually embarassed by my own actions and suffer now for it even though I haven't seen the girls in over 40 years. I was lucky to have met my first wife after leaving a perfect girl. I was even luckier, after losing my first wife after almost 29 years of marriage and thinking it was time to die, to have met someone that gave me a whole new life. I now have 4 babies and the world's greatest woman for my life - and this takes nothing away from my first wife.
Your person is out there. Yes, YOUR person. No matter how happy you think you were, when that person comes along there will be nothing either one of you can do about it except be together - forever. Don't forget, that person is looking for you too, and he'll do everything he can to find you. It could be a year or tomorrow. And you've got lots of time. Buck up. Put on a brave face and go see your friends. Friends are friends, you'd be surprised how hard it is to really get rid of them.

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"Popular dissidents are merely pacifiers given to us by the Government to keep us in line and thinking someone is making a ruckuss."
 33yrs • F •
plzdntevaletgo is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
[b] I can't say I have been in your place with the whole 3 1/2 year boyfriend thing! But I was close! I dnt kno if this will mean much to you but dnt hurt yourself to get back at him. Just give him some time to be single just sit down n talk to him face to face! tell him how you feel. Tell him you love him n if u didn't you wouldn't have been together for 3 1/2 years. Tell him that he's all you've ever looked for.. but only if thats how you feel. Just let him kno that he can always come back to you and you won't critisize him about it... ya kno like "you should have never done that in the first place" just let him get his priorities straighten out. He is trying to build his life to accomadate you i'm sure. He is working so he can make money to make you happy! Well let me know how everything works out n please let me kno if you need to talk! I am a good listener n a good talker!


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"I never knew what I had until the day it was gone!! Now I can't get it back!"
 38yrs • F •
Ragamuffin is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
[ihi everyone ,im at a loose end really ,so just looking up about people who might be able to give advice!? I can relate to the girl who s finding it hard,
My boyfriend has just walked out on me and im hurting so much.He ended it after 1 year and a half saying that hes fed up with mebeing in and out of jobs ,reason being he met me as a pole dancer ,he worked there too.We both fell in love and wanted to get married etc.I stopped dancing 2 months ago and started to feel unsettled cos i was nt ready to leave had all my frineds there .I found myself thinking about the money comparison and i started to to be really selfish and moody with him sayn "i have to do all this to keep u " .
He has OCD and that i found really hard he d be stressed out most of the time and i could nt jst go up and give him a cuddle when i wanted.But in a funny way iv never stopped loving him 4 all his ways.His problems jst made me love him more,i wnted to be there 4 him thru thick and thin.
He walked out today and said he loved me and it was hurting him too,hes gone to stop in a b&b till i move out on tue .It jst hurts this so much .Today he s gone for his first bit of therapy and it could make him better ,iv tryed so hard to support him in it and now when he goes to c someone he ends it.I v stood by him y cnt he stand by me as im messing up a bit in life .I said to him b4 he went how much i love him a nd 2 give it 1 more go,and he said its nt going 2 wrk lng term.
It jst dosnt feel rght this,were meant 4each other i jst feel it!
If i cnt b with him then y do i wnt to be in this world?I cannot stop crying at all .I dont have a job and i cnt face one i know id jst start crying when im there.I had an idea to tell him that im going to go out tonight and do loads of drugs and that there s no point in being here if we cnt be together.I dnt want 2 scare him with that one but i jst wnt him to think about how he might feel if i wasnt alive ,then he might think that he cnt b without me 2 !?And al i know is that in the future im just going to b in a relationship and not truly be happy.Im never going 2 stop loving him , i just know it.

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 31yrs • F •
sweetascandy is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
well i know im younger but i still know what you are going through...i myself has been heartbroken i went out with this guy for only a little less than 3 months. it crushed me i also gave up everything for him, my family, friends and the absolute thing i love most acting and music. i had a musical audition and i cancelled it cuz he said we needed to see each other more but i never told him about this cuz i didnt want him 2 be sorry at all and feel like he had to repay me...well the day after the auditions we talked and he told me how much he loved me and he said it like 100 times then said we needed to talk and he dumped me... lets just say i was histerical and yes i did try to commit suicide because i was in total heartbreak! i would have to drink myself to sleep everynight because i would cry endlessly well its been 4 months since weve been apart and still im not over him and i even tried to kill myself last night by over dose trust me suicide might end your pain now and foreve3r but when you fall on your face your still moving forward and you have t remember life isnt about how many breaths we take but about the memories and happy time we have shared plus if you were to kill yourself you are eliminating all your shots of a second chance and who knows fate has a weird was of showing up maybe the usual late night movie on friday that you always go to with your friends one night you just happen to find your soul mate....just think about it and if anyone needs help or someone to talk to im always here for anyone i know how life is!

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"live life to your fullest because you never know when you\\\'ll be gone!"
 32yrs • M •
brokenman is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
I will be truthful in that I never thought I would be in the same situation i must be honest ive lied about my age locations everything because I never want the girl I love or 'future mate' to ever discover this as much as my heart wants me to I know that it will only strain her more and I respect her too much to do that. You c we've been going on n off basicali 3years no seeing other ppl n other day she tells me she jus wants it over as much as she loves me she needs clarity and a 'fresh start' that hurt i mean i like to think im strong but I cant take it, I feel like i cnt breathe or lvie without her ive been drinking n taking sleeping tablets constantly so i can jus sleep my pain away you know and it's hard but all of jus gota face it we've gota move on n believe me i only been in this situation a couple of days so I cant see my love ever changing but I spose we jus gota all swallow our pain n do whats best for the ones we love I just feel I need sme help i feel i cant escape ansd all i can think is she will b with other guys within a month and i'll be doing drugs or somthing n wadtng my life or jus losing my life completely N i know nobody probs cars but i jsu wnted 2 say talking bout it helps n i feel better

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"i will never recover"
 32yrs • F •
brittanyjean06 is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
Hi im brittany, im new here. 17 years old and just got out of a 3 year it was hard i broke it off with him and said some hurtful he has rebounded and wont talk to me...yeah it has been total shock and i nkow the pain of heart break...its unbearable i can defently understand but dont think about suicide...your not allways going to be happy in life it has its ups and downs....even though soemtimes it feel like nothing even is worth it any more sad...but i would love to talk to people who know what im going through it helps alot[quote]

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"the most beautiful thing about life, is the essence of it going away"
 32yrs • F •
brittanyjean06 is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
as for you broken man, i nkow what your going through...we all encounter it soemtime in our life though...

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"the most beautiful thing about life, is the essence of it going away"
 50yrs • F •
A CTL of 1 means that Evilia is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Well it pretty much shows we have ALL been there at one time in our lives, whether we're 17 or in my case 35. Pain SUCKS. Rejection sucks even worse. If for some reason we are rejected, we look at life as there is something wrong with US. This is not the case!! I don't know HOW many times I have just wanted to end it. Shit...why suffer when I could go out and kill myself and no longer feel this way???!!!

There IS a reason to live. Life. Life sucks. Period. For ALL of us. Whether it be a breakup, rejected for a job, from a school, or a death, life isn't all that wonderful. But life DOES have alot to offer us. That promotion you'll eventually get. That love that will eventually come in your life and you will say..."OMG why the HELL did I date all those creeps before??" The birth of your children.

We all have to suffer to know and appreciate life. I can look back on sooooo much in my life, and still to this day say to myself, "How the hell did I get through that??" But I DID get through that. I've been through divorce, death, rejection, abuse, you name it, but what really helps is to remember one thing...tomorrow is a different day. I know it is hard to just think that, your probably thinking i'm not you both...but believe me, I HAVE FELT YOUR PAIN. (and at times still do)

Advice? Dump his ass. If he dosen't want you, you don't NEED him. (them) You WILL be with someone else eventually....then he will want you back, and you will strongly say, "EAT SHIT." Get mad not sad. Don't let him see you as a victom, let him see you as a strong woman who can take him or leave him. He will feed off of your weakness and it will only get worse. Don't call him, don't drive by. When you REALLY feel the need to pick up the phone...take a DEEP DEEP breath, and don't allow yourself to do it. The first day will be the hardest, then the second will get a LITTLE easier, and so on and so on and so on. The trick is...when your better, and he decides to call...(usually wondering why your not caring anymore...thinking you could be with someone else) DO NOT answer the phone or you will start this process all over.

And the #1 advice to you....LIVE. Your here for some reason. You don't know what it is now....but eventually you will.

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"Spellcheck is for pussies. REAL women make mistakes."
 32yrs • F •
brittanyjean06 is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
Your exactly right, if you were kind of talkign to me...i havent let my guard down ...hes used to me begging too much and i could go this hole semester with out talking bc i tried and he didnt want to....and usally i keep trying but naw i got to prove something here that if your goin to ingore some1....your goin to get it back..

yeah pain really really does suck..and i think of it like this few years from now im gona look back and be like what the hell why did i let him do all this stuff to me?....and thats worth all this pain.......

knowing that im only 17 and theres just so much more to my life i havent yet experienced....

i hope more people respond to this and talk more because it really helps and i would defently liek to here other people's problems and help out!.....also HOW TO i make my icon my pic...i allreayd tried but nothing?

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"the most beautiful thing about life, is the essence of it going away"
 43yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that tommybc98 is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Someone said it: you're not alone in this group, so keep talking!

Also, from personal experience, I know that you have to think things through a little bit in reverse in your situation. We all know that fun, happy people are more enjoyable to be around, so think about what things make you happy. Not which people, which things.

You can have fun activities, you can enjoy talking to people, you can even have favorite meals or movies. Once you start to identify which things make you happy, try a couple of them that do not require you to depend on someone else. Then, find some girl friends that you can talk about the things you enjoy with. Don't have any girlfriends? Join some group activity, like a fitness class at the gym, or ask someone at work if they want to go to lunch with you. Above all, talk about happy things.

Once you start to feel a little stronger about yourself, open up to your boyfriend about the fact that you are going to start doing some fun activities with girlfriends. What does this have to do with your situation? Well, you cannot control what decisions your boyfriend is going to make in his life, but you can try to influence what he sees when he looks at you. You never know - You might end up feeling so good about yourself that you will realize that he has not really been recognizing what you need out of a relationship. You might even become so strong in yourself that he will start to evaluate his own life and realize that he needs to work on himself as well, just to win you back!

It is easy for a sensual person to become "lost in the moment", but the moment is not healthy when it spans several years. It is far better to have many small unexpected moments than to try to keep the same moment going for too long. You need to have a healthy person inside to rely on when the going gets rough.

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"Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time"
suicide with heartbreak?
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