| My Life SUCKS.......  [+ favourites]
BIG, H-A-I-R-Y, ASS!!! 
When I first came here.... I wrote this advice thread, seeking some advice, and I really had some spectacular responses. So here I am again.
My life as I know it.......
Well, when I left you.... I believe I was with my love Joey, living alone, time running out, etc, etc.
Well time ran out. I BELIEVE it was around March 1st. Steve...(My son's father), said I had two choices: 1. Either I could move him back in.... in a seperate room, we'll just be roomies, blah blah blah. or 2. I could move Joey in, and my X would pay half the payment on the Condo and half the payment on one of the vehicles.
Blah Blah Blah. Joey diddn't save a fucken penny. Now when I say a PENNY. I mean not one fricken cent. HELL no was I going to move him in. I have everything. I literally have it all with alot to spare. You diddn't save ONE cent? You have lived with your parents for 35 years, and only lived alone for 3 months, and you want wha??? It all on a silver fucken platter??? I SAID ONE THING..... SAVE HALF OF YOUR PAYCHECK!!! He promised me he did. He told me that he was giving half of every check to his Dad. He lied. He was back into drugs. I had NO idea.
He denies it. I have proof. I happen to know someone, who knows someone, who knows someone, who was there. That same person knows that not only did he spend his money on the shit. He owes money FOR the shit. I also have a copy of his phone records. (I know....i'm a bad girl, my name ain't Evilia for nothing! ) I don't deal with druggies. So I left him. (BTW this isn't the first time he has done it) And I fucken hurt. 
I want you to all know how much I loved him. I loved him for him. He changed so much for me, but as they say, once an addict, always one. Two weeks ago, we were in Venice Beach drinking wine, as I looked at him in his eyes and thought..... if for some reason this love ever has to end it will be a damn shame. SUCH a shame.
We love each other more than life, and if that isn't good enough for him to stop, he will NEVER stop. That hurts.
So where am I now?? Well I haven't actually "spoken", to him in a few days. He text messages me how he hurts, and how he misses me, and how he loves me. I text back only when I am going to bed. I just say "goodnight".
It gets worse. Steve lives here now. He has his own room. He does not bother me at all, but he wants to be a family again. You see..... I hide nothing from Steve. He knows about Joey. He knows practically everything about him and I. He knows why I am not with him now. He sees me cry. He asks for another chance, but when I look at him, I remember the last 5 years. Steve never treated me badly at ALL. He treated me with the utmost respect. He just never kissed me, or had sex with me, which in turn, killed me. It killed my self esteem, it killled my self worth, it put me into a major depression in which I blamed it all on the fact that maybe there was something wrong with me. For YEARS. I am a BEAUTIFUL woman, believe me. Almost as sexy as they come. Long story..... but as Joey is a druggie.... steve has a company with several offices around the US and that is his drug. Shit even the thought of the pain I expierenced makes me want to cry. I am quite bitter twoards Steve. I am not mean to him, but then again I am not all nicie nicie. (spelling error)
Tonight I have to go to my childs open house with him. The first time we will be doing a "family", thing in a long time. We are going to dinner, then there. UGH!!!
Shit, my life sucks.
Someone send me some luck this way.
To top all of this shit off.........I need to start my period like in the next couple of days, or concider my life OVER.
Please pray!
If you got this far...... thanks for taking the time to read my vent. Any suggestions are totally welcome.
 Evilia
"Spellcheck is for pussies. REAL women make mistakes."
|
