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Dave Barry's Philosophy

User Thread
 38yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Wyote is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Dave Barry's Philosophy
i just got this in an email and thought id share... made me laugh so hard! *still laughing*

Dave Barry's philosophy

01. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping
pill and a laxative on the same night.

02. If you had to identify, in one word, the
reason why the human race has not achieved, and
never will achieve, its full potential, that word
would be "meetings."

03. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and
"mental illness."

04. People who want to share their religious views
with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

05. You should not confuse your career with your life.

06. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get
up and dance.

07. Never lick a steak knife.

08. The most destructive force in the universe is
gossip.

09. You will never find anybody who can give you a
clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight
savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that
even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant
unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her
at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the
waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important.
Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember
that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of
professionals built the Titanic.

16. Final thought for the day: Men are like fine
wine... They start out as grapes, and it's up to the
women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn
into something acceptable to have dinner with.

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"A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge. - Thomas Carlyle"
 50yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that I R Me is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Man that is too funny- Words to live by indeed- another couple I have learned-
Never trust a man with a pony tail they are up to no good.
If your know a woman is pregnant your second question should never be "Do you know who the father is?"

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"No one ever won a war by sitting in a ditch"
 33yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Dugbug is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Nothing beats philosophy like philosophy from Dave Barry.

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"If the opposite of Pro is Con, then is the opposite of Progress, Congress?"
 50yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that I R Me is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
I must admit I have no clue who Dave Barry is- any tips?

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"No one ever won a war by sitting in a ditch"
 38yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Wyote is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
he is a writer, more or less lol. he has a column in the newspaper every sunday here and im pretty sure it gets printed in numorous papers but im not exactly sure where or how many yadda yadda yadda. all you need to know is hes one of the funniest men alive

oh and hes written some books, look into em if you get a chance!

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"A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge. - Thomas Carlyle"
 33yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Dugbug is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Yeah my brother likes his books so I have 4 or 5 of them all about my room.

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"If the opposite of Pro is Con, then is the opposite of Progress, Congress?"
 35yrs • F •
A CTL of 1 means that [MiA] is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
awesomeness

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"The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care .... right ?"
Dave Barry's Philosophy
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