| The problem with vulnerability and naivety...  [+ favourites]
Maybe this isn't the right place to put this, but I needed somewhere to talk things out, where there was a chance I might get some helpful advice from people who are less naive on such subjects than I am... As a student in university residence, outings with floor mates has become common. They're usually accompanied by someone drinking too much and doing something stupid. Well, on Friday, that person was me. I didn't realize how much I must have had, until the next day. And by that point it was to late to undo what I had done. It started off innocent enough. I was dancing with a friend, who I happened to really really really like. being drunk, stupid and otherwise thoughtless of the consequences, I kissed him. Mind you I had also kissed his friend that same night. The night progressed, and I'm sure I became an irritant to my poor friend. We went home, and were greeted with numerous other drunked university students. I stole bites of mac and cheese from friends, and I'm sure I was given plenty of strange looks in that while. By the end of the night, I found myself in my friends room, the one whom I had kissed that night. At that point, it was he who brought up the idea of spooning, I jumped at the idea. Now, you must understand that I am very inexperienced with relationships, having never had a boyfriend, or even a relationship from which I haven't run from. The idea of spooning with someone who I have a crush seemed wonderful and innocent. so, I did. No harm done. I even got a back rub out of it. When I woke up in the morning, he was on the floor, and I was in his bed. I briefly thought about the gentlemanly act that it was, and made my way to the bathroom, as the litres of water I consumed before bed to avoid a hangover had hit my bladder with a vengeance. But, I couldn't go back to his room. I don't know why, but part of me was afraid of what others would say if they saw me leaving his room at such hours in the morning. (It kills me that I care so much. I'm sure it stems from high school.) So I went back to my own bed, and for the next day or two, did everything in my power to avoid him. I succeeded in avoiding him physically, but his face and name, and voice have been rolling through my head consistently for days. As, it is in my nature to dwell on the smallest things and allow them to consume my thoughts. My only fear now, is that I have vandalized my friendship with him, and destroyed any chance of a relationship. I still have very strong feelings for him, but after that night, I don't know whether he shares those feelings, or whether he was just drunk, and looking for someone to spoon with. I want to talk to him about it, but I'm afraid that I've already expressed to much of my feelings. I feel naked and vulnerable to him, and hate the feeling.
I realize that this is a long rant, but it's been on my mind for awhile. I needed to get it out somehow. Thank you....
"Love is my Religion. I could die for that."
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And you can't judge them either.
