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Criticism Needed

User Thread
 31yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that UnderDawg is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
Criticism Needed
Ok here is some of the songs our band will be recording soon. Please tell me what you think.

Rage

Destroy the religion
Break the cage
Shatter the glass
Savor the rage

You can try and hold it in
You can act like it doesn't exist
You can pretend you don't have it
I know they say ignorance is bliss
But you know it's inside of you
Waiting to come right out
You can't hold it in any longer
So you stand up, grab a mic and shout!

You can try and hide it
You can try and fight it
But you know it's a battle you can't win
This can't be bad it's too good to hold it in
_____________________________________________

Baby Come Back

Baby come back
I miss you so much
I need your gentle touch
I need to hold you in my arms
Keep you safe, protect you from harm
Baby come back

It was perfect, what we had
No one could tear us part, we were never sad
I would look into your eyes
Smile back when you smiled
Hold you and kiss you
Till the dawn broke out
You said it would never end, me and you
Baby I'd walk ten thousand miles to get you, and you know it's true
I want to be with you forever
My heart is black
I want you back
Baby come back

I don't know what I did wrong
Was the reason I wrote you this song
You say we grew apart
I didn't pay you enough attention, I had no heart
But baby you know you're the only one for me
Without you in my life
My heart bleeds
I need you so badly
Without you with me life is empty
Baby come back
________________________________________________

Please Forgive Me

Baby I love you more than anything else in the world
No matter what happens, you'll always be my girl
I'd walk ten thousand miles just to be with you
No matter what people say, I know our love is true
I'd give up everything just to see you for a minute
I know I dug a ****ing hole, and now I'm in it
But no matter what happens between us, I'll love you forever
No matter what happens we'll always be together
I made a stupid mistake, and I'm sorry
I want to be with you, hold you and kiss you
Whenever you're not with me, I badly miss you
I want to make you happy, wipe all the tears away
As long as I know you're with me, I can get through the day
I'd do anything, just for you
I am an idiot, I never knew
That some stupid thing I said would hurt you
I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to you
I'll get on my knees and beg
I will always be sorry for what I did
I wish I could say I'm sorry enough, and make it all better
________________________________________________

Dark Season

Break the silence and dry the tears
Buried in words and gone for years
No reason to understand these thoughts
Brought back from death and endlessly sought
Gray shade in a black twilight
Dark moons and starry nights
Turned away from ration and reason
Strangle hold on life in this dark season

Bred to the edge of infinity
Lost in the black hole of divinity
Awake when shadows kill
Asleep when the light fulfills
Dead to the things of life
Silent screaming in the moonlight
Echoed yells leave nothing to be desired
The black ashes left from the unholy fire

Deciding what is real and true
Easy destruction is not so new
Prey of the night and pray for the light
Yet plague spreads leaving nothing in sight
Spreading only when light meets dark
Ceasing only when death left its mark
Nothing to light the way
Only visions of darkness, dreaming today
_________________________________________________

Thanks for reading!

| Permalink
"My drum skills > Your drum skills"
 33yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Angelfire is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
"Rage

Destroy the religion
Break the cage
Shatter the glass
Savor the rage

You can try and hold it in
You can act like it doesn't exist
You can pretend you don't have it
I know they say ignorance is bliss
But you know it's inside of you
Waiting to come right out
You can't hold it in any longer
So you stand up, grab a mic and shout!

You can try and hide it
You can try and fight it
But you know it's a battle you can't win
This can't be bad it's too good to hold it in "
Good, could use a rhyme or 2 more and the last sentence seems a bit long.
Ack.. don't have much time now. Will read the others though

| Permalink
"Durch Nacht und Blut das Licht"
 40yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that wesdawgy is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
I like all of those Underdawg, agree with DumbTeen, last one seems a bit stretched out, but it all depends on how the melody is played, ya know?

Rage is my fav, kinda reminds me of Papa Roach, or one of my rage songs, lol.

| Permalink
"I'd like to say something profound....."SOMETHING PROFOUND""
 35yrs • F •
A CTL of 1 means that cutencuddly is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
i find it very difficult to give criticism to a song when i can't hear it.I don't see any problems or hold-ups with the lyrics, but the melody etc, may differ...

| Permalink
"my name says it all!"
Criticism Needed
  1  
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