A copy of your birth certificate comes in the mail marked null and void.
The candles on your cake set off your smoke alarm. The little league puts you on waivers.
The moths in your money belt starve to death.
The simple instructions enclosed aren't.
You see the captain running toward the railing
wearing a life jacket.
You take an assertiveness training course and you're
afraid to tell your wife.
Your accountant's letter of resignation is
postmarked "Zurich".
Your pacemaker has only a thirty day guarantee.
Your secretary tells you the FBI is on line 1, the DA
is on line 2, and CBS is on line 3.
Your wife starts charging you rent.
A black cat crosses you path and drops dead.
Getting there is half the fun and three-fourths of the
vacation budget.
People send your wife sympathy cards on your anniversary.
The pest exterminator crawls under your house and never comes out.
The plumber floats by on your kitchen table.
There are two elephants, two giraffes, and two zebras in your yard and your next door neighbor is building an arc. They pay your wages out of petty cash.
You have to hitch hike to the bank to make your car payment.
You make more than you ever made, owe more than you ever owed, and have less than you've ever had.
You see your stockbroker hitchhiking out of town.
Your suggestion box starts ticking...
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44yrs • M • 
