My Poem

My Poem [+ favourites]

Please help me edit and revise my poem. Thank you.

She sits alone. Wondering, thinking, imagining.
What is life? Why is it so harsh?
She longs for him, knowing she can not have him.
He’ll never see into her, only past her.
Can anything be done? No my dear nothing.
Silently she wonders why.
She’s beautiful, she’s been told so many times before.
She has the gift to lure men to her.
Even women are attracted to her beauty.
So why then, can she not get the man of her dreams?
Gazing on past, she sees movement.
What’s out there? Oh but should I care? she wonders.
Someone has noticed her...a shadow approaches.
She can’t make out the figure but wonders if it’s him.
He comes close enough to touch her.
No, she sighs, it’s not him. Oh but it is a man!
He reaches out to her and she takes his hand.
He pulls her off the grass and her heart beats faster.
Leading her to the river, he smiles.
Oh she swears there’s something moving inside of her.
She feels warm and for once she feel happy.
He disappears.
She blinks, knowing it was a dream, a fantasy.
Only if he was real, only if he could have loved her.
Only if she were someone else.
But she is not. This is who she is destined to be.
She looks into the river, wondering why she took herself there.
She sees a face, it is the one she loves.
He looks happy.
She doesn’t want to know why.
She thinks about being happy.
Then she sees herself in the water. She looks happy too.
Now she does want to know why.
She sees another man’s face beside her own.
Walking back to her place on the grass, she smiles.
For now;
She sits alone. Wondering, thinking, imagining.

"Be Creative and Life Life"

I don't know much about poetry so don't put too much into my opinion. Actually I don't have much of any opinion.
I think you used the word "She" too much. Maybe you were using it as some sort of syncopated rythm sort of thing. How many times was it 29? I lost count.
Keep writing

Thats a really good poem

"Why try so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out!!"

Put a title on it and it's good - very good. Wait some time and come back and read this again and it will make more sense to you. You'll see it was written just the way it was supposed to be writted, no changes needed.

There is no right way to right a poem. You take it from the heart and put it on a piece of paper. Someone else will read it, and it will touch them right were they stand. That's what it's all about. A way of sharing yourself with others. Some people are famous for what they write. Most are unknown. A lot of poetry sits in a drawer unread. You will find that there is no difference between the famous poets and the unknown. The only difference is the people who read them. They only say so because everyone else does. But you "THE POET" say what's in your heart. You don't care about what other people say.

"A fool says I know and a wise man says I wonder."

quote:

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There is no right way to right a poem.

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"I'd like to say something profound....."SOMETHING PROFOUND""

269 posts - I like this place. There is a topic for everything.

"A fool says I know and a wise man says I wonder."