SHould I drop it and leave or hold on and Wait?

SHould I drop it and leave or hold on and Wait? [+ favourites]

Dear Eva,

I'm dating a girl i fell for 9 months ago since then our relationship has gone up and down the way all relationships do but since then she hasnt allowed me to even talk to a girl cause of jealousy. I asked her for a phone number to one of my friends and she told me she didnt have it even though I put the number in there. She has the numbers of all my guy friends and texts some of them almost all the time. What do I do? Should I drop this and go on or should i wait this out as if it was just anoother phase in life?

Many Thanks For Listening,
Jeff Saylor

Hi Jeff,

Jealousy almost never has anything to do with you or anything you are doing - this is the first thing you should think about. Your girlfriend most likely has a propensity to be jealous irrelevant of how loyal the person she is with, is.

Jealousy spawns from a fear of being replaced. A fear of being replaced indicates a lack of unique self-worth, meaning, she perceives that she does not have much to offer as a person and so someone better may come along. She won't admit this, of course, because she is adamantly trying to prove otherwise.

This is always the result of a lack of positive reinforcement on the part of parents, who themselves are plagued by the same problems. These problems are taught to the children, and the children carry it with them.

This problem will get worse - she will continue to seek reassurance of her value from you and other men, and perceive the double-standard she maintains as absolutely fair (where you cannot speak to other girls but she can speak to other men).

This is a common problem, but all you can do is explain to her why she feels the way she does so she can address the source of the problem which is most likely her dad or mom, or a combination of the two. If she is unwilling to address the source or even admit that she has this problem, then you may try to contemplate ending the relationship for your own self-sustanance.

You see, her self-loathing or lack of self-worth will always be challenged and she will always perceive that you are the one making her feel that way even though the ones making her feel that way are actually in her past or in her good book. You should not take the responsibility of absorbing abuse for being disloyal when you are not disloyal. This behaviour will actually make you want to be disloyal to conform to the way she wants you to be.

To protect yourself from this, you should distance yourself from such an environment. It is important to note, however, that it will be difficult to find an environment that is much better, although it is always possible and you should definitely pursue an optimal relationship where neither partner is blaming the other for things they have not done.

Eva.

Her Biological mother and father divorced when she was young and now her mom and step-dad are divorcing. I think its time to cut the relationship but everytime i try she forces it not to happen and i cant tell her afterwards that its over. I need to figure out how to break it off without hurting her do you have any suggestions?

Hi Jeff,

There is one thing everyone has to learn in this world which is very difficult to accept. This is that whenever we try to protect someone from a hurt that is the result of truth, we disarm them from learning and do them a disservice even though we think we are helping them.

This is very difficult to accept because we feel that our desire to protect them spawns from a genuine and heart-felt need to be kind to people. However, we should humbly accept that it is possible we are focussing more on protecting ourselves from guilt than them from pain, and in doing so, we realize that it is not as selfless an act as we originally think it is.

It is not your responsibility to manage anyone else's emotions as long as you are honest with them. You will feel guilty, but you must repeat to yourself that truth and its absolute disclosure is the safest and most effective method of loving anyone and righting any wrongs.

Eva