wondering path

wondering path [+ favourites]

im always paranoid of everything and everyone. but since i had started to smoke when i was younger i felt relieved. then i stopped smoking for a while and started drinking canadian whiskey and partying and having fun. and when im around other people i draw myself into a shell and only come out around selectedly few friends. have my \\\"best friends\\\" dont even know who i really am or what i really like to act like. the only problem is when i walk next to fast cars i feel an urge to fling myself in front of them, and im worried that since some one that doesnt know me to well would take me down to the road or go on a walk that goes by cars. and when im drunk i feel more free relaxed and myself its easier to not be paranoid but at the same time what if i get the urge to jump in front of a car, how could i stop myself? now i know you would probably say stop drinking but i dont want to go back to being so paranoid and nervous. whats your opinion?

Hi there,

Can you describe, in as much detail as possible, your paranoia? What brings it on? Does it exist when you are alone? Is it of the future? Of people? Of things? How does it make you feel? Is there any non-alcoholic or non-drugged solution you found that relieves it? What is your relationship with your parents and how old are you?

hello!

paranoia. well i always expect betrayal from my closest frineds. when alone the slightest sound makes my tense and reach for my knives. i have trouble holding relations with girls because they are way to clingy. i like to be alone to think with no contact and they latch and demand to go here or there. wen i see cars coming towards me i see every twitch of the tires and imaging them running me down unto the street. if i have a knife in my hand i think of stabbing people and in my mind when i stab someong i feel happy or like im having fun. and i feel me arm tuck the knife close to hide and then strike the unsespecting family member. im jelous of my family members for being normal. not having a twisted mind. i love fire to the point i used to repeatiedly burn my self i love knives i used to cut. im facinated by the smallest things, even when im not taking or doing anything. im crazy enough as it is. but when i make decisions i hear voices debating both sides.
what am i?