Fear of self

Fear of self [+ favourites]

does anyone else ever get afraid of themselves. i was sitting through and RE session at school, when one of the teachers mentioned something that he feels, and i identified strongly with. he said that he was driving his car, and it suddenly popped into his head, that by turning the sterring wheel, less the 20 degrees, at the speed he was going, he could cause an accident that would potentially kill 20-30 people, more if he was going faster. i was listening to him, and new exactly what he meant, my mind just wanders over the possibilities that are open to me, and unlike most peoples mind, my mind does not hit a certain point, at which it changes track because the possibility it is covering is illegal or morally wrong. i would never do any of the things that my mind thinks of, but yet it still scares me that i even think of them.
i somehow think that sanity is lacking somewhere. but also thought that those who are insane would never admit that they were.

"So Schrodinger's Cat is not only neither dead nor alive, but might also be sexually aroused by elbows and peanut butter?"

It's not my self I fear as much as what I have the potential to do. Given the right circumstances, I can become a serial killer. But it's not something to really worry about unless you start getting close to that point of what you fear.

"How can we be just in a world without mercy and merciful in a world without justice?"

I always find the thoughts really funny. Mostly because their just so horrible. And I could picture myself doing it and enjoying it. Like for instance one time I was walking through a quiet neighborhood and an ambulance arrived at someone's house to pick up someone for a heart attack. Well I get this impulse to steal the ambulance for a joy ride. Hit the siren and see how fast it can go on the freeway. Maybe smoke a cigar while doing it. Wave to some kids and tell them, "don't do drugs!" Well I didn't do it but I had fun thinking about doing it. Got some good chuckles in. Usually people perceive my chuckling though as enjoying someone’s misery, which simply isn’t true.

"I love to see people struggling for their purpose in life..."

i would say i could fear myself if i let my let my mind let me do what some things it thought of. Of course if i did that lets just say my body would probobally explode from the stain that it just went through. Also my mind has thought of some what most people would call evil things fortunetlly it has not the will power to actually do them.

"Fear nothing for fear is the mind killer."

Glad to know im not the only one whos mind wanders along these tracks, i just find it somewhat strange that it does. i suppose it just goes to show how little control the conscious mind has over the subconscious. is slightly worrying though, due to wonder of what might happen if you lost control of your conscious mind.

"So Schrodinger's Cat is not only neither dead nor alive, but might also be sexually aroused by elbows and peanut butter?"

I scare myself sometimes by my toghts not ations. I take several matial arts and it messes with your mind. At school i fipped an "attacker" and now everone avoids me. It is scary to know what you can possibly do to yourself or some one else. Many of my friends call me Hitler because of some of my thoughts I tell theem . It can get pretty scary

"Bad things to hear in a submarine: "Captain, the flooding put out the fire!!""

surely flipping an "attacker" is an action not a thought, but i see what you mean, you are conditioned, so that if someone appears to be attacking you, you automatically respond without thinking about it, everybody does it a bit, for example i used to cycle to school every day, then at the weekend set off to visit my friend, started thinking about something else, found my self halfway to school going in the oppsite direction to my m8s house. thats how them ind works, it picks up routines, but i can imagine that if the action you are condition with is violent it would be worrying, though because of the lack of thought required.

"So Schrodinger's Cat is not only neither dead nor alive, but might also be sexually aroused by elbows and peanut butter?"

I'm scared of what I'm capable of doing... Which I've only seen what I am capable of twice. Couldn't sleep either night.

And my creative way of thinking is a gift and of course, a curse.
If you know where i'm getting at.. x.x

Thankfully I cannot always do what I think of..

"I'm a human being, God Dammit!! My life has value!!!"

i hate losing my temper, i tend to beserk slightly when threatend.
i think ive seen what im capable of only about the same amount of times as you.

"So Schrodinger's Cat is not only neither dead nor alive, but might also be sexually aroused by elbows and peanut butter?"

I use to loose my temper all the time..untill I saw someone else do it and I realized how stupid they looked.

"I love to see people struggling for their purpose in life..."

thats an excellent observation jacker. when you have a new perspective on a situation, it often times changes your own behavior.
*people are capable of all sorts of good and bad things.
*people fear what they do not understand.

logically, if you fear your capabilities it is because you do not fully understand them.
*people often fear success because they do not realize thier full potential.

here is an idea - record yourself or have someone record you for a few days doing daily activities. you may think you are conscious of your actions, but you will probably be surprized at some of the things you see yourself doing.
*understanding yourself is a key element to success and happiness in life, but its a difficult thing to accomplish

Cynic-al - those who are insane are not generally capable of admitting insanity. most peoples minds wander into dark places from time to time. exploration through mere thought is something humans do best. try embracing where your mind goes, but realize that your general thought pattern is a reflection of who you are and who you will become.

"I am Akba-Atatdia"

i hate losing my temper because i know how stupid the things i do are. i understand what i am capable of doing if i lose my temper to badly, im not afraid of lack of understanding, it is more a wish not to have my potential actions on my conscience (or potentially on police record).

as for recording activities, i think most of my habbits i do know. i know you said it may suprise me to see what i do, but im not sure, i know most of my own oddities, eg tendency to drum on whatever surface is nearest, or to let my mind wander off.

"So Schrodinger's Cat is not only neither dead nor alive, but might also be sexually aroused by elbows and peanut butter?"

i think that "thought" could be categorized as impulse...i have the same problems too, as with everybody else, so u are not alone. there is a hideous monster inside of me trying to get out by ripping my flesh off piece by piece. I too, fear that someday that monster will take full control and get rid of my last flesh...i wonder if anybody else feels the same

"Beware of the dog"

Agreed here. I'm a person who is usually described as 'stoic' who people turn to when they need help. I do my best to render whatever aid is necessary while keeping myself functional, and for the most part, I do alright with it. It's when things pile up too high that I start fearing my potential to wreck hell on people, be them people I've aided in the past or innocent bystanders. It's happened a couple times in the past, a rant, some writings, and a general disregard of things, and the results from those have been disastrous, so now I keep a short leash on my perception and spend my efforts trying to repair the damage done and prevent it from happening again. All too many times, however, it seems that the attention to detail I foster while rational is at its full capability when I say things I regret, and it makes the situation difficult or impossible. Realizing when things are getting too risky, too heavy, that is key for me, and missing it like I have before is what I fear almost as much as myself under an irrational impulse. It seems that while I try to calm things down, they flare again, and my capacity of creating a final outcome I never would desire while rational is my fear.

""As I sit before the fire, I wonder how many before myself have been burned.'"

As per my most recent posting, ironically, the thing i fear the most is being "crazy": Believing with complete sincerity something absolutely false. That makes me want to throw up and curl up and die.

What's life if you can't see it for what it is?

"Hating everyone protects me from elitism."