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A big committment issue or am I going off men?

User Thread
 42yrs • F •
Alyriana is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
A big committment issue or am I going off men?
OK, I'm not sure where to begin but I can't decide whether I have some kind of weird committment issue or if I'm just losing faith that there are any men out there I want to be with.
At first it wasn't so bad. I felt a bit claustrophobic when guys persistently texted me or wanted to see me more than once or twice a week but now the very thought of even dating a guy just makes me feel completely suffocated, and while I'm getting sick of purely physical relationships, even the hint of romance seems to make me feel like I'm tied down.
I don't know what to do. I met this guy, and he was really nice besides his three rather, um, different fetishes - one which kind of creeped me out - and we got on really well but I sort of had this panic thing over it all and dumped him by text. We made it up but he said he cried when he got the text - I'd only known him a day! and he said Wednesday was really far away for a date - it's only three-ish days! - and couldn't I call him before, and that when he saw me he was going to give me a really big hug.
Since then I've been feeling really claustrophobic and wanting to end it because I feel like he wants to get close really quickly and I don't think I want that committment yet.
Am I making a big thing over nothing? or do I have some weird thing over committment? Or am I just going off men full stop?
I kinda wonder what it would be like going for a woman instead but I don't want to be thought of as one of those sad girls who try and sort out their confusion over men by changing the sex of who they want to be with - I'd just like to experiment that's all - see which I prefer.
I am completely lost and have no idea what's going on in my head. It's driving me nuts - it's like 4:30 am and I can't sleep coz of it.
I'm not the kind of girl who needs a boyfriend to be happy but I don't want to be some deranged girl who pushes every guy away because I feel confused everytime they try and get close to me.
I need someone to look at this silly muddle from outside the box, and tell me if I'm over-reacting or need therapy or what. I don't feel like I can take this to my friends at the moment so for the first time in my life I did what I never thought I'd have the courage to do - I joined a chatroom. Help would be much appreciated.

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 40yrs • M •
A CTL of 1 means that Wyote is a contributing member of Captain Cynic.
you are that deranged girl and you are confused. the good thing is you can figure things out. firstly, stop being paranoid. relationships dont go anywhere unless you let them. you seem to have a fear of things getting "out of hand" or beyond your control in some way, thats not going to happen unless you let it happen. you have control, i think youve lost that thought somewhere down the line.

taking the trip to the "other side" probably wont get you far. what you want in a relationship is to have those butterflies, have good conversation and be attracted to the other person. i could be totally wrong about you, but i dont think a woman is going to give you butterflies. ever. and its not just butterflies. once you get deep in to a relationship you start to feel all sorts of emotions, emotions that a woman probably will not trigger for you... again i could be totally wrong. thats a tough road, but if you really need to know for sure just jump right in... youll figure out if it works or not pretty quickly.

a good way to keep things in your comfort zone is to talk to your partner, tell them you have fear or doubts, express your inner thoughts. if they care enough about you theyll stick around and help you through things... while not trying to force you to do anything... nobody can force you in to anything. relationships have to be natural. if it doesnt feel natural then you arent with the right person.

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"A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge. - Thomas Carlyle"
 42yrs • F •
Alyriana is new to Captain Cynic and has less than 15 posts. New members have certain restrictions and must fill in CAPTCHAs to use various parts of the site.
Thanks for your advice. I was feeling really messed up that night but have now sorted things out. Admittedly by dumping the guy. I've narrowed it down to trust issues and am going to work on that before I start seeing anyone else. Thanks again for the help

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A big committment issue or am I going off men?
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