Its 6:51am

Its 6:51am [+ favourites]

Its 6:51am. Tonight, changed my life. For the better, or for the worse, Im not sure yet. The girl that I once loved, has betrayed me....again. Im asking myself so many questions, I cant sleep. Why? How? Doesnt she have ANY conscience? Doesnt she care about me? How could she lie RIGHT to my face? My mind is racing. Brain overload. I wish I could sleep, because its the only true freedom that we have from our feelings, and our emotions, and our thoughts. But I cant even do that. My life, has become a empty void without her, a void that no girl will ever be able to fill. And I will never ever trust this girl again, or be with her, so I feel as though that void will be there for the rest of my life. Which scares me. I've got beef with pretty much all of my "friends" now, which also leaves me friendless, so I sit...at home....thinking...why me? Where did I go wrong in life that Karma feels the need to screw me over THIS bad? I know im rambling...but I need to get this out. Will I ever love again? I hate being single...it sucks...I loved having someone to care for, to protect, to say they are mine. But now, Im alone, completely alone. And it hurts. Its a pain that can never be described. A pain that can ONLY be understood by those who have already felt it. You cant explain it. I'd rather break every bone in my body to feel physical pain, then to feel this emotional pain. Emotional pain lasts much longer too. I guess its time to start my life. Maybe thats why this is happening. Maybe its time for me to go to college. I was going to stay home until she got out of high school (I graduated last year, she is still a senior), and then move out with her, and start OUR lives. But now, I wish I could get out of here, go to college, GET AWAY FROM HERE. I hate school, but it would be worth it to get the hell out of here. Ill never get over it if I stay. I need inspiration, I need someone to kickstart my heart again, a jumpstart if you will. And I dont know where to look. Do I look in other females? Do I try and find someone that I can love....but what If I get hurt again? Do I look into art? Or maybe music? I have no idea. Maybe some of you, very wise men (or women for that matter, either one), have an idea on what to do. So please, Im begging you....kickstart my heart.

"Aint flashed a smile in a long while...."

Been there, done that, three times over. Time does not heal all wounds, but it does blunt them nicely.

Words of wisdom? Don't have any. Advice? Probrably none you havnt gotten already.

I will say you get over it, sometimes sooner, sometimes later. And unless you allow this hurt to fester and shut yourself off from humanity, you will find someone else. Myabe they will be more compatible, and offer a stronger relationship. Maybe they will also turn out to be just a "relationship bookmark" like thehy last one, just someone to while away the time untill that truely special someone enters your life. Just out of curiousity, are you a Libra?

"Oops, it appears I have run over your dogma with my karma."

No...I am a Leo actually. And as much as I want to find someone else, as much as I wish I could go meet other girls. Im gunna be so lost, and so terrified. I hate this girl so much, but all I want to do is love her. ahhh i fucking hate this. Sigh....

"Aint flashed a smile in a long while...."

Well, i am a Libra and have been there before too. Part of the reason why we hold on to something so tight is we fear something so great wont happen twice which is probably the way u feel. The best thing i think u can do is talk to someone u know or even her if shes willing to listen and express evrything ur feeling and tell them ur hurt and confused. At least this will give u more of a clear head instead of thinking about this issue 24/7. U cant expect to meet someone and totally forget about the person who hurt u. What u can do is tell urself that feeling sry for urself is not healthy and u wont let this girl get to u. U'll find a girl and will fall in love all over again and will realize that what was in the past is in the past and its not worth getting bent outta shape about it. You never lose from loving, u lose from holding back. So put ur mind on other things that give u happiness and who knows, someone might just come along and make u forget all about that girl. You have to take the good with the bad, smile with the sad, love what youve got, remember what u had. People change, someone breaks ur heart, things go wrong, just remember, life goes on...Dont look back JoelB, but look forward to the possibilities.

Hope u feel better, Peace

"Keep your mind open so your thoughts are free to explore"

Thank you lynnz...that really hit home, and it made me feel a little bit better about everything...I think I am realizing that too, people have been telling me..."move on, you'll get over her, dont think about it all the time, you're only hurting yourself" etc etc...and Ive been hearing it, but not listening. But I see now that I really have no choice, I dont want to sit and dwell on it, it does only make it harder. But at the same time, its so hard to NOT dwell or think about it..yanno? But like you said...all that can be done now is for me to move on...I have expressed my feelings to her, lots of times, how bad she hurt me, how confused I am, everything...but she still doesnt listen. So I have no choice. Sigh....things are getting better though, I can at least be happy when Im with the few friends that I have left usually, or at least today I was. I was able to forget about her...even if its just for like 10 minutes, its better than he bering on my mind every.single.second....

"Aint flashed a smile in a long while...."

you will always remember her, she will always be a part of you, as you will always be a part of her. what you must do is accept the fact that moving forward (without her) is the best decision. she hurt you, you deserve more than to be hurt...repeatidly. realize that she did not have a malicious intent toward you, you are both simply at different points in your lives. and you both need to move on. there is life after love... as the cliche goes

"I am Akba-Atatdia"

well i can't really say you'll forget all about her but think of it this way she became a small part of who you are after i lost my ex i went in depression for six months then it was hatin him and now its just like i could care less about him and i see how better off i am with out him now and trust me once u've found a girl who'll be honest with you you'll realize that losing her was for the best so take the time you need to recover be in depression for six months listenin to ozzy nonstop (which is what i did it drove my parents nuts lol) but you will eventually move on and realize she's gone for the better good and maybe you'll even find a girl ur not scared of who has pretty eyes

"sonrisa siesta y fiesta ...if ya wanna know don't be afraid to ask i only bite on days that end in y"