Crap?

Crap? [+ favourites]

i was told by my teacher that this peice is crap, due to the fact i did not entirly use the laws of a sonnet.

a dream is but a dream
formulating in the crevices of my rampant mind
life is but a tattered book sowed by the seams
containing the dream of your time
reality is something that can not be reached
like a commercail free T.V show
watching that show, letting your ideals be leached
soon mans inner spectrum will erode
what will be left?
but a man happy for his flesh existence
all alone in the world, eyes bereft
offering no resistence
want a place where the trees grow tall next to the translucet sea
close your glossy eyes, and let your dreams set you free.

"How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?"

I see nothing wrong with it... but then again I wouldn't know the structure of a poems. But I always thought that the writer had "a creative licence".

"If the opposite of Pro is Con, then is the opposite of Progress, Congress?"

a sonnete must conatin 14 lines and every odd line rhyms and even rhyms, except for the last 2 which rhym consectivly, and each line must consist of 10 syllables that my friend is a sonnet...

The law of a peom, syllables of 10
i did not know there were laws on your dreams
worked for shakspere will not follow this trend

i am not finished but that is what i am goin to give the b***h

"How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?"

another man art is another man crap or vice versa......
rules are meant to be broken and expresion of ones heart cannot be allow to follow rules but only to follow ones heart
does this make sense or dosen't it ????

"From the mind of darkness I embraced the darksideUnto my own suicide I am born again The Poet Sith"

Any creative venture is always subject to viewr taste. I think though some folks are stuck on rules they cannot see past that- my mind set is compltely different- screw the rules of a sonnet it is pretentious and restrictive tell you techer you'll rewrite it- and give him a 36 page limerick!

"No one ever won a war by sitting in a ditch"

just because you didn't do the assignment correctly doesn't mean it's crap. even if the teacher doesn't like it, she probably shouldn't discourage her students like that. in any case, it may not be a very good sonnet, but i thought it was a pretty good overall poem.

"You are reading this."

I thank you for these kind words, and in the old "sonnets" place i have made another one:

The law of a poem, syllables of 10
I did not know there were laws on your dreams
Worked for Shakespeare will not follow his trend
Door open for free thought now closed by the seams
What will happen to the murmuring cow?
How about my best friend the talking kazoo?
To the dog pound he will go my dumb chow
Now I must evict my friends in the zoo
These dreams a plenty now forever gone
Now in there place the dreams of another
Will we never hear the mocking bird’s song?
No! For there is a law made by some other
Laws do not belong in the realm of dreams
Let your dreams run rampant and let them gleam

"How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?"

Meh, it't ok. But it just lacks that special something that makes a poem good, IMO, it's not much different than a lot of the stuff I hear nowadays.

"My drum skills > Your drum skills"