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For Fox lovers everywhere, this came from what appears to be a satire website. But oh how true it sounds. Iraqi Insurgents Love Fox News, Survey Reveals by Jake Novak A recent Nielsen survey of viewing trends among Iraqi terrorists and insurgents shows more of them tune in to the conservative Fox News Channel than CNN (another popular U.S. news network) or Al Jazeera (an Iraqi news station) combined. "In the key 15-25 year old would-be suicide bomber/terrorist demo, Fox just blows everyone away...no pun intended," said Nielsen said Susan D. Whiting, president and CEO of Nielsen Media Research. "Getting my guys to wake up early in the morning and do a suicide bombing isn't as easy as it looks...sometimes they're just not motivated. But then the satellite feed comes in from Fox News, and I get motivation all over the place," said Shiite insurgent leader Mohammed al Sadr. "I mean, you can't watch that network for more than two minutes before they're calling my people 'thugs', 'blood-thirsty', and 'cowards'." "You can't beat that for stirring the cauldron of hate, my friend," he added. Al Qaida leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi also had high praise for Fox. "I love how that Bill O'Reilly gestures to cut off a guest's mic when he disagrees with him! To tell you the truth that's exactly how we do most of our beheadings... but we're a little nicer," Zarqawi said. "We don't miss 'The O'Reilly Factor' for anything." "Don't let this get out, but if Americans are looking to stay safe in Iraq, going out during his show is a good idea; you can't tear us away from the tube for the whole hour," Zarqawi added. Other terror ringleaders, however, were less willing to praise Fox News than they were critical of the competition. "We try watching CNN once in a while, but then that Aaron Brown comes on with that ridiculous phony hair or Daryn Kagen gets nailed by the Howard Stern phony phone callers, and all my guys want to do is laugh and enjoy life," said former Ba'ath party leader Ezzat Ibrahim, "and that's not exactly conducive to the whole suicide bombing thing, you know." Al Sadr added another criticism. "CNN's whole, 'let's try to be fair and sort out the facts first' approach is so lame," he said. "No wonder they're getting their asses kicked in the ratings." Still, on the whole, most insurgents focus on their love of Fox News, evidenced by comments from some "on-the-street" interviews conducted by Nielsen surveyors. "I hear a lot of people saying, 'Oh, suicide bombers are cowards, blah blah,' you know? But the truth is, it's hard to work up that much blind faith in your cause to go through with it," said one insurgent. "That's why Fox News is such a great thing. I watch their refusal to acknowledge reasoning and constant disregard to report news that may portray my people in anything but the worst light, and it just gives me that special murderous rage that I need." "Fox News makes it easy to forget that not all Americans are thick-headed idiots," said another insurgent. "That really helps out with any guilt I might feel about attacking the U.S. Army over here." In a similar statement, another Iraqi explained, "What I like to do is imagine Chris Matthews' face on the soldiers' faces. I know he's not on the Fox network, but he really should be." Comment on this
"The Greatest Enemy of Knowledge is Not Ignorance, It is the ILLUSION of Knowledge. Stephen Hawking"
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